Tragedy ten years ago

The older generations remember where they were when Kennedy was shot. The current generation remembers where they were on September 11th. While I do remember the latter, I can specifically remember a great number of details from 10 years ago today: (just pretend I posted this yesterday will ya?)

April 20th 1999,

Another day as a jr. in high school. After school I went to work for a few hours at my dad's construction supply store. I was excited for that evening because I had tickets for myself and a good group of my friends to go see "1963: A Beatles Tribute." I was eagerly anticipating the release of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, and I was also looking forward to taking my friend Kelsey to Prom. I can remember being in the warehouse of my Dad's store listening to the radio when KSL started talking about a massive school shooting in Colorado.

The next morning my family and I got up early and got in the van to drive to California to visit family. I remember listening to the news as more details were unfurled on the radio. When we got to California it was all over the news. CNN was covering it like crazy and my heart just broke as we learned the who, what, where, when, and most importantly: the why.

Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris (names I don't have to google, I'll always remember those idiot's names) had been bullied, and teased, and rejected by many of their peers. According to them it was mostly the jocks. They got pushed to the limit and snapped.

I watched a documentary on them last night on the history channel and I went to bed shaken once again. The home movies that these guys made were insane and so full of hatred that it still terifies me to this day. They recreated scenes from the school security cameras with a timer at the bottom of the screen. When they got to the library they became soulless killers. They murdered innocent students, some of which they didn't even know. I remember feeling particularly bad for one student who was described on the news as, "A big Star Wars fan." He missed the long awaited new movie by about 3 weeks...

13 victims and a double suicide later, the massacre was over. I wept...I was sick. I know what it was like to be picked on in school. Throughout Jr. High and High School I had so many pricks taking pot shots at my self esteem that it was almost laughable. I of course would never lash out violently, but the anger that built up inside me was palpable. I graduated, served a church mission, went to and graduated college, and I have a good job, a wife, a kid, and a house now. I turned out ok despite the hatred that I felt from "the bullies." I was lucky.

I teach at my old high school now, and it terrifies me to see that we haven't learned from our mistakes. I still see kids (and I intervene like a champ) picking on the "weaker" students. They bully and laugh and walk away not thinking twice about it. Meanwhile the heartbroken and shattered victim looks down and is broken.

Because this April 20th I am a parent, I looked at this situation in a completely different light. What do I want my kid to be like? One of the students caught in the library during the shooting was interviewed on the documentary last night. He was hiding in the library while the gunmen shot at random, killing anyone hiding under a desk. This one student was hiding behind a book shelf and the shooters asked him to identify himself. He did so, and after asking if they were going to kill him, the shooters said, "get out of here." This student had been kind to them and respected them at school. The shooters took a break from their massacre to show some kind of humanity and let their "friend" go. My hope is that my son will grow up to be the guy who respects everyone at school. Jocks vs emo vs skater vs cowboys vs whatever is just stupid. I would rather my son be bullied relentlessly than be the bully himself.

An article from "the Onion" (a satirical newspaper online) had a joke article which had a picture of some tough looking kids standing by the school marquee which said, "welcome back Columbine students." The headline jokingly read: Columbine jocks safely resume bullying. And though this was meant as a joke...it's sadly probaby true.

When tragedys like this happen I try to think of what it must have been like to be in the school, in the library, on the police force, etc. I'll tell ya, the one person I don't want to be in the mind of is the Jock who teased and picked on these guys relentlessly, pushing them to the breaking point, and then made it out of the school in the first wave of evacuees. How does he feel? Can't we all just get along? Can we treat each other with respect and not prey on the weak?

I'm sorry this post is so long, if you finished it then congratulations. If the whole Columbine situation taught me one thing it was that people are capable of the absolute worst things possible. May we strive to learn from the past, be nice, be respectful, and if you see somebody struggling? Well then for crying out loud can we please lift them up instead of beat them down further?- Out