Monday, October 25, 2010

"I just left"

At my school the students have what is called "Advisory Period." It is a genius idea that was designed to help students pass all of their classes and keep their grades up. It is held right before lunch starts and lasts for 25 minutes.
If you have good attendance and no grade less than a C-, you get to skip advisory and go straight to lunch.

So basically if you are good at school you get one hour of lunch instead of 31 playa is that?

If a student is passing my class I can send him or her to their other classes to get help and to turn in make up work. They just have to bring back a note saying that they were in some other teacher's class. Well on Thursday last, 2 of my students left and never came back, so I had to mark them as a sluff/truancy.

I asked them about it today. My student said, "honestly I just left..."

So glad you could be honest with me...
I have offered this class a pizza party if they can all finish this term with no F's. There are only 9 of them and it is study skills. They have an hour each day to work on homework during my class time to get their grades up.

"I just left"

Reader beware: This generation of kids, though they occasionally show glimpses of genius, are over-populated with lazy arse, do nothings, that are going to be the dregs of society fairly soon.

You "just left" with 4 F's on your report card. F's that you could EASILY make up if you turned the work in...but you choose not to.

I am so flippin frustrated with the wasted potential in my classrooms. I beg and plead with them to try hard and take things seriously, and yet they continue to fail fail fail. It's not even a "I tried my best and failed the assignment." It's more like, "screw school man, I hate the world, I'm a rebel rarrr!"

Yes, you are a rebel, and I'll circle your name in the yearbook so I know where to look when I see your mug shot on the news in the next few years.

If you are not going to pass my class, why even show up at all? Seriously why sit in a classroom and earn an F? How many hours of sitting and doing nothing did you just waste?

List of things to do instead of sitting and getting an F in Reeves' classroom:

1- Sleep
2- Hike
3- Bike
4- Fish
5- Watch movies in pajamas
6- Get a $#%$#$%$ job
7- Learn how to paint
8- Practice pan-handling
9- Play more video games...they're really doing wonders for you

These habitual "non-learners" are a waste of time and effort. I'm all for working my butt off to help students who struggle or who need the help. But hey, if you don't want an education then get out of here and stop wasting my time. Also, start practicing the phrase: Welcome to (Insert fast food restaurant) may I take your order?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

As Rome BURNS!

I done did it...
I just submitted my manuscript for "Chuck and Lester's Fables" to a publishing company.
As Rome BURNS!
I have no idea where this is heading, but as I submitted the file I was listening to some pretty intense live Smashing Pumpkins from when I saw them in 2007 in San Francisco...
It's almost like I'm trying to get pumped up for a basketball game or something...
I'm so sick of feeling mediocrity. Maybe it's delusions of grandeur, but I think I have a whole heck of a lot going on inside my brain...and I truly believe it is marketable.
My favorite part about my job is getting students to laugh hysterically in class...
Now if I can do that on a massive scale, how great will my joy be
Plus, if there's some $ in making people laugh, then why the heck not I?

Though my humorous visage may betray how I really feel some days...I'm deadly serious that I want to grab life by the throat and throw down!

Welcome back my friends to the show that never the RUSE OF FOOLS

Monday, October 18, 2010

Oh No! They're eating my MOM!

I'm finally able to say that I have seen the "best worst movie" ever.
Troll 2 folks...I don't know what else to tell ya.
I would love to get into a plot summary but I can honestly not tell you what was going on. Here's what I DO know:

-There are no Trolls in Troll 2...they aren't even mentioned. The villains are Goblins

-If you eat a snack from the goblins, you start to sweat green, and then turn into plant-like goo that is then devoured by the goblins

-The goblin queen has powerful magic, and yet still wears coke bottle glasses. She likes to turn horny teens into trees?

-Dead grandfathers can appear at random and take physical form...which defies all theological reason and makes me doubt the existence of a just and orderly deity.

-The best way to stop your family from eating Goblin snacks is to freeze time and then urinate on the table while they are frozen.

-It takes almost an hour for the average family to realize that the town of "Nilbog" that they are vacationing in, is actually "Goblin" spelled backwards.

-If a woman tries to seduce you with fishnet stockings and an ear of corn? RUN!

-A Goblin's greatest fear is a "double-decker bologna sandwich."

Some of the masks were somewhat creepy, but they kept deciding to zoom in close on the one with really fake non-moving eyes.
The dialogue was absolutely positively dreadful. I could act better in my SLEEP.

Watching a good movie with friends = Awesome
Watching a bad movie with friends = Lame
Watching a movie that is so BAD that it is good with friends = Best Night Ever'

May I recommend to one and all that you find a copy somewhere. I believe it comes in a cheap 2-pack at Walmart with Troll 1 (which actually features Trolls). Heck, just the other day I saw that Troll 2 is now on Blu-Ray!

Sit down with a bowl of popcorn, some bologna sandwiches, and good company with sick senses of humor and enjoy.
The above link will let you watch the whole stinking mess. Good luck!

Here's the movie in its entirety. Dig it BABY!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Miners trapped in Chilean mine locate Timmy O' Toole

So as I type this blog, people are being rescued from a dark would be grave in a heroic, epic, world wide phenomenon, soon to be TV movie, action packed adventure. One of the interesting developments in the story is that miners located an extra victim not originally counted amongst the survivors in the tragedy story of the year...

That's right, they've located Timmy O' Toole, the little boy who got stuck in the well all those years ago.

Do you remember Timmy?

He tried to enroll at the local elementary school but the principal, a man named Seymour, had turned him away because of his ragged clothes and unkempt hair.

I believe it was the late 80's, possibly early 90's when a group of celebrities got together and in a "We are the World" type of effort, made a song to help the young man see the light of day again.

I'm glad the minors are safe, though what 17 year olds and younger are doing working in a dangerous mine-shaft is beyond me. Maybe it's a Chile thing, but in America, Minors mostly work fast food and crappy mall jobs.

Welcome back men...
And welcome back Timmy O' Toole

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

That's what I waaaaaaaahaaahaaaaant That's What I Want!

At some point in your life, an adult, probably a parent, told you that money can not buy happiness.

This same person probably told you that Santa Claus was real and that your face will freeze if you make bad faces for too long.

That's right, it's ALL A LIE!

Money can't buy happiness? Seriously?

Do you know what would make me really happy right now? A room in my house with a giant HD tv/Blu Ray, surround sound and stadium seating.

Do you know WHY I don't have that in my house? That's right...lack of money.

My good wife showed me some blogs the other night that she reads on a regular basis. She informed me that the people who run these blogs have quit their jobs and live off the advertising money they receive from their blog.

The other night I watched as a cute couple argued about how she was sick and he got sympathy pains over it and was now feeling sick when he really wasn't... They probably made $250 that day...if not more.

I hold no grudge against these people, in fact I find that their humorous musings are rather witty.

HOWEVER! I want money...dun dun dun dun DUN da na na na na na (clap clap clap).
That's what I want...

Money to make traveling with my wife to cool locations into a reality.
Money to buy the many worldly goods that seem a waste of time, but in fact bring joy to my heart.
Money to finally attend an NFL football game.
Money to get a new camera with more mega pixels and killer lenses
Money to go to Taco Bell whenever I feel like
Money to buy a Bear Tag and go hunting with an expensive bow that shoots explosive tipped arrows.
Money to buy grasshopper cookies weekly, instead of only on special occasions
Money to pimp out my Hyundai Elantra
Money to finally purchase the $799 Darth Vader costume I've always wanted
Money to hear the word "seafood" without the accompanying scream from my wallet
Money to fill my closet with NFL and NBA jerseys.
Money to buy my wife a house with her own closet so she doesn't have to look at my jerseys.
Money to buy actual Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper instead of Mountain Lightning and Dr. Thunder.

Money to give to the poor

(see now I seem like a really good guy instead of a selfish person. Can you picture the look on the fireman's face when I stuff his boot full of $20 bills?)

I've written a book that's all ready to publish, but I don't have the money to publish it.
I'm trying to get into grad school at BYU so that I can pay $12,000 in order to make more money?

So what do you all want from this blog? I'll do anything to make it as popular as those people who make $50,000 or more a year by telling about their daily lives.

Check this out:
This morning, I woke up to my alarm clock. Silly I know, but that's what I did. Then I went into the bathroom yadda yadda yadda I emerged victorious and dressed for school. I played jeopardy with my students and gave them a on my adds...and give me money.

Maybe I should review movies every week?
Maybe I should give tips on grooming? (my wife will tell you that I should be reading a blog like that, not writing one)
Maybe I should blog about food?
Maybe I should blog about politics? (actually I've decided not to do that anymore. I think that standing on your soapbox on Facebook or a blog is rather cowardly and is now a feaux pas.)

So when somebody tells you that money doesn't buy happiness, ask them this:

"Have you ever seen an elated homeless person? or an overly peppy transient?"

The answer is no.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Bad Joke of the Day

So the Copy Machine guy at our school sent out a mass email saying, "Teachers, the copy machine is down."

I replied with: "That's too bad, maybe we should throw it a surprise party to cheer it up. HEY OH!"