Thursday, April 16, 2009

Nintendo Hates Me! It's a metaphor for life...

I know I already posted a blog this morning, but I'm so steaming mad right now that I just have to expel my hatred onto the internet so as to calm my inner demons. NINTENDO HATES ME! No matter what you do, it cheats and beats you. I swear there's some Japanese fellow sitting in Japan right now watching video that the Wii made of me getting frustrated (they have hidden cameras...shhhhh) while trying to play Wii golf and baseball.

You remember the good old days of the regular Nintendo 8 bit system right? It was kind to you. If you ran the ball with Bo Jackson, there was nothing that Tecmo Bowl could do, except watch you zig zag your way to the end zone EVERY TIME. Man had the upper hand on machine. (though Adventure Island and Ghosts & Goblins were mighty and near unconquerable)

But do you recall, that with the heralding of the new system: THE SUPER NINTENDO, that the computer started to become human? For example: The original Mario Kart: Spawn of Satan. You drive, you pick up an item, you use said item, and then you pick up another item and so forth right? Well not if you are on hard mode and the computer is losing. Suddenly Luigi would go STAR...STAR.....STAR.....STAAAAAAAR and he would zip by and beat you. The game would laugh, you would say some choice words, and try again.

Do you ever feel like life is using STAR STAR STAR while you sit there getting the useless feather, coins, and a speedy mushroom when it's too late? I know you feel me. Do you ever wish you could just get the Metal Man gun from Mega Man 2 and totally annihilate Luigi and Yoshi when they make you mad?

So tonight I'm playin wii sports, and no matter what I can't hit a ball in baseball. Every pitch I throw gets knocked out of the park. I actually hit a hole in one in wii golf, my first and only one, and then bogied on two holes that I NEVER bogie on. Why? BECAUSE THE NINTENDO MADE THE COURSE WINDY TO BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS! I swear I saw a house from kansas fly by on the 7th fairway.

But you know what? I bought a house today. And I'm going to let my Wii live there free of rent. So maybe it'll think twice before it tries to STAR STAR STAR me again.

What were your favorite games on the old systems? How did you OWN them?- My anger has subsided- Out

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