Killer Pizza Screenplay

Hey Kid
Screenplay by: Justin Reeves


INT: BASEMENT: BEDROOM: 2:30 A.M. COMPUTER DESK

A young man sits hunched over his computer. The screen is the lone light source in the room. He has been gaming for hours. To the right, there is an empty pizza box. To the left, there is a trash can filled to the brim with empty energy drink cans.

KEVIN
Damn…I’m hungry

Kevin straightens his head set

KEVIN
K guys, I’m starving, I’m going to make a food run before our next raid ok?

Kevin fumbles for his keys, puts on a baseball cap and hops exits the basement. He reaches the kitchen and quietly opens house’s side door.

EXT: FRONT YARD: 2:45 A.M.

Kevin reaches his car and uses the light of his cell phone to find the lock. He inserts his key, hops in his car, turns the lights on and drives away.


INT: WALMART: FROZEN PIZZA AISLE:

Kevin looks up and down at the differently priced pizzas. He sighs, he isn’t very motivated. Suddenly he hears a voice.

PIZZA
Psssst! Hey kid

Kevin looks around to see who wants his attention.

PIZZA
Hey, you, kid….down here

Kevin slowly glances down. Behind the condensation on the window, he can see a red baron pizza box rocking back and forth…the sound seems to be coming from the pizza.

PIZZA
HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME KID?

KEVIN
Ummmm yeah? I ummm what the Hell?


PIZZA
Hey kid shut up….now listen carefully. You are going to buy me.

Kevin shakes his head and gently slaps his own face as if to wake himself up.

KEVIN
Buy you?

PIZZA
Yeah kid, you are going to buy me, and you are going to get me out of here.


Kevin looks to his left, looks to his right, and gets a very concerned look on his face.


PIZZA
Kid, stop hitting yourself! Stop looking around! Now open this damned door and buy me!

KEVIN
Do you want me to eat you?

PIZZA
Eat me? You think I want you to buy me so that I can escape and then I’d want you to eat me? What are you stupid kid?

KEVIN
Look I don’t even know if this is real or not. I mean, you are a pizza right? And I know I’ve been drinking a crap load of caffeine and all, and I’ve been gaming for 10 hours straight but…seriously what is going on here?

PIZZA
Look kid, I’m going to make this really simple for you. Either you buy me RIGHT NOW, or I swear I’ll freaking kill you.

KEVIN
Ha!

PIZZA
Oh what you don’t think I can do it? Check this out: “HEY HOTPOCKETS, GIVE EM HELL!

Kevin swings around at the a loud thumping sound and sees two boxes of hot pockets smashing against the window opposite the pizza. Kevin jumps at the site of them.


PIZZA
Yeah you like that? Huh? You want some more of that? Cause the frozen bags of broccoli over there will mess you up son…they will MESS YOU UP! Now buy me!

Kevin looks around to make sure that nobody is watching. He kneels down and speaks in a very hushed voice.

KEVIN
Look dude, I don’t know what’s going on here. I’m probably tripping from too many games, I don’t know. What I DO know is that I’ve only got ten bucks, and I gotta refurnish my pop supply too. You are $5.50 and the 12 packs of dew cost $4.50, I won’t have enough for the tax and….

PIZZA
Oh what you think this is a joke? You think this is some kind of game? Look kid, buy a six pack instead of the 24 pack and get me out of here. You think I’m joking about killing you? I’ll freaking do it man. Check this $#it out

The refrigerator opens abruptly and an object is flung at Kevin’s feet. It is a Walmart name tag, and it is smeared with blood. It reads, “Trevor.”


KEVIN
Holy crap you killed someone?

PIZZA
Yes I did, and do you want to know WHY Kevin?

KEVIN
Why?

PIZZA
Cause he wouldn’t take me out of this fridge and take me home. Now get me out of here or I’m going to straight up kill you where you stand!

Kevin opens the door, throws the name tag back behind some Tony’s pizzas, and grabs the talking pizza box. He puts it under his arm, grabs two two-liters of Dew, and walks to the lone active check out counter. The checker is visibly frustrated and on the store phone.




CASHIER
(talking into the phone) No, he was here an hour ago and he left I guess. I haven’t seen Trevor all night, which means I’m stuck here doing the checking. It’s almost 3:00 a.m. and I want to go home. Yeah go check out back and get back to me. Yeah hurry…thanks.

The cashier hangs up the phone and sighs while looking at her watch.

CASHIER
Sorry about that, is that everything for you?

KEVIN
(nervously) Yeah this is it…

Kevin looks frightened. He’s starting to perspire a bit. He sets the pizza and the 2-liters down on the conveyor belt and fumbles for his wallet.


CASHIER
You ok? You look a bit frustrated.

KEVIN
I..I…ummm I’m…ummm I’m f-f-fine. I’m just…a little tired…gotta get back to my games. How much do I owe ya?

CASHIER
$7:89…you wanna bag for this?

Kevin glances at the pizza as if waiting for an answer. No answer comes, and the cashier looks strangely at Kevin.

CASHIER
You sure you’re ok?

KEVIN
(anxiously) yes I’m fine

CASHIER
Hey while you were back there you didn’t see some nerdy guy named Trevor did you? I’m supposed to be going home and he’s supposed to be watching the front and I think he bailed.

KEVIN
No, I uh, haven’t seen Trevor, or anyone, or anything…I’m….can I go now?


CASHIER
Suuuuuure. Have a good night.

Kevin walks hurriedly towards the exit.


EXT: WALMART PARKING LOT: 3:25 A.M.

Kevin, with bags in his hands, jogs to his car. Uses his cell phone as a flashlight, and unlocks his doors. He throws the bags in and closes the door behind him

INT: CAR: WALMART PARKING LOT: 3:26 A.M.

PIZZA
You done good kid, reaaaal good. Now take me to your place.

KEVIN
Why? What do you want?

PIZZA
Don’t question me. Don’t question my existence, my morals, or me methods. Just drive…

KEVIN
Ok…just don’t hurt me.

PIZZA
Keep your mouth shut and I won’t have to

KEVIN
What did you do to Trevor? Why did you hurt him?

PIZZA
I killed him, don’t worry about how I did it. Just know that it was painful. And as for why? Well he asked a LOT of questions that I found annoying, so I needed to shut him up. Can you think of anyone ELSE who has been asking annoying questions tonight kid? Hmmmmm?

KEVIN
…..I’ll shut up

PIZZA
That’s right you will


Kevin is silent the rest of the drive home. Upon pulling up to his house he cautiously ventures forth a question to the Pizza.

KEVIN
Ok look we’re here. Now I don’t want any trouble or anything. I don’t want to ask any questions that might set you off.

PIZZA
Good thinking

KEVIN
Do you mind if I ask for some clarification though?

PIZZA
That’s a nice way of saying, “do you mind if I ask a question” but since you phrased it so nicely, yes I will clarify for you

KEVIN
Ok, I bought, you, I’ve taken you home. I’ve done all that you’ve asked me to do…can you clarify the goal here? I work in missions with clear goals.

PIZZA
For example?

KEVIN
Well, just before I met you I was part of an elite assassin squad in an online scenario where my friends and I needed to A: Infiltrate a mansion. B: Bug the phones C: Kill the butler, and D: Escape without being seen. I did all of these things, finished the objective, and then figured I was hungry and wanted some pizza, which brings us to where we are now. So…what is my goal here?

PIZZA
A fair inquiry….take me inside and I’ll instruct you further

EXT: KEVIN’S HOUSE: DRIVEWAY

Kevin gets out of the car with “groceries” in hand and walks into the side garage door. He enters the darkened kitchen and stops…

INT: KEVIN’S KITCHEN: 3:40 A.M.

KEVIN
(Whispering) Ok…what now


PIZZA
Ok, I need you to grab that butcher’s knife over there…


KEVIN
(Loud Whisper) WHAT?

PIZZA
Do it Kevin…do it now…

Kevin grabs the knife and looks at it in the dim moonlight which is illuminating the room through the kitchen window.

PIZZA
Now, go into your parents room…

KEVIN
My parents? Why I…

PIZZAKEVIN! You will do as I say, when I say, or you will die do you hear me!?

KEVIN
Yes…

Kevin walks obediently with knife and pizza in hand down the hallway, towards his parent’s room


PIZZA
Kill them Kevin….

KEVIN
(Shouts) WHAT!?

PIZZA
You heard me Kevin…KILL THEM!

KEVIN
(tears streaming down his face) NO! I don’t WANT TO! Leave me alone!

PIZZA
Don’t you set me down Kevin, if you set me down, you’re dead

Kevin looks from the pizza to the knife to the door to the pizza to the knife to the door


DAD
(Muffled) Kevin? Is that you? What are you….

KEVIN
NO! I WON’T DO IT!!! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!

PIZZA
NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kevin throws the pizza to the floor. It starts to crawl towards Kevin. Kevin flips on the hallway light switch and lunges at the pizza. He takes the butcher’s knife to the box repeatedly. He screams with each thrust of the knife.


PIZZA
AAAAARGH!

Kevin’s dad opens the door and looks down horrified at what he sees.

DAD
Kevin what in the name of?

But Kevin doesn’t hear…he just keeps stabbing the pizza (which has ceased its screams)


INT: BASEMENT: 4:00 A.M.

Kevin sits back down at his computer and puts his headset back on. He moves his mouse so as to wake his computer back up.

KEVIN
You guys still online? Yeah? Cool what did I miss…yeah Wal-Mart…bought a pizza and some dew…no…no I threw it in the trash. It was evil…