The Island of Misfit Toys

I watched the 1964 classic "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" last night with my 2 1/2 year old son. It had been a while since I'd witnessed the majesty of that show. Choppy animation, a sketchy at best back story for Rudolph that involves a frightening snow beast and a flying lion. Not to mention that hauntingly beautiful song that the doe sings to make Rudy happy: "There's aaaallllllwaaaays tomooooorrrrowwwwww...."

The misfit toys are the best part of the show by far. Basically King Moon Razor, or whatever it is, the flying lion, flies around and brings unwanted toys that have for the most part, easily fixed defects in them, back to his castle to "chill."
Charlie in the boxHe is the sentry guard that is one murder away from being Heath Ledger's Joker. His voice is all sorts of creepy with an awkward emphasis of words. "NObody wants a CHARlie in the box." Dude, go to court, get your name changed, deal with it. I can see the fated Christmas morning now. Little kid opens his gift, gets a box, starts cranking the little handle on the box, and this joker pops up. SOMEHOW, the kid knows his name is Charlie, and he throws it out. I suppose Charlie could have just lied about it. "NO SERIOUSly kid my name isn't CHARlie, it's JACK.
The Elephant


UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! SMALL POX! RUN! RUN EVERYBODY! THE ELEPHANT HAS SMALL POX!!! AAAAAARGH! THERE IS NO CURE!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
And that's all I have to say about the elephant...Yukon Cornelius died 2 days after the movie ended of Small Pox related complications.

The Cowboy that rides the Ostrich



Nobody wants a cowboy that rides an ostrich eh? Why not? Think about it, it's a lot harder to hit with bullets from far away so he'll be quite a bit safer. Horses don't attack people...but ostriches have been known to tear you up with their talons. You know what I'd pay good money for? A George W. Bush riding an ostrich. That'd be sweet!

As for the bird that swims...that's just a sin against nature. Yukon would do well to have just pulled his gun out and shot the little bugger.

Charlie: OH my GOSH! YOU just KILLED the BIIIRRRRD FISH!
Yucon: That's right I did, sin against nature that thing...SILLLLLVERRRR!

The Doll
Is she the jilted lover of SNL's Mr. Bill?Was she left on the doorstep by Jack in the Box's mascot?
I guess we'll never know.

Finally,

King Moonraizer

A flying lion? The perfect predator. Why doesn't he kill Rudolph then? He had an elf, a reindeer, and a fat bearded prospector in his HANDS, and he let them go. What the audience doesn't see is that the misfit toys put a tracer on Santa's sleigh when they flew by the island. Rudolph 2 was never produced because it consisted of King Moon Flying Predator Lion Guy following the tracer back to the North Pole. The battle scene between the Bumble and the Lion is incredible but was left on the cutting room floor to everyone's dismay. We need a Christmas song about Flying Lion Predator Moon Death...that'd be an instant classic. Somebody please respond to this with your idea for that song.

JR