The Ruse of Fools

Avengers Countdown

2012-02-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

Ummmmm yep...here you go

Movies that need a sequel

2012-01-31T10:26:00.000-08:00

While playing a party game the other night, a card came up that said, "If you could make a sequel to one movie it'd be...."

Well we had our joking answers such as: "Schindler's List 2: Electric Boogaloo" and "A Walk to Remember" (ouch) but it got me thinking. There are so many movies undeserving of a sequel that get one (I'm looking at you Saw, Ghost Rider, Hangover, and Human Centipede). There are also movies that warrant a sequel that we have not, and may not ever see...Such as-

A decent Alien Vs Predator:
I'm just a regular English High School teacher with sub par writing skills but you know what? I could make a better AvP than both of the crap fests released in theaters...how the second one even MADE it to a theater instead of direct to DVD is beyond me.

Terminator:
The terminator series should have been terminated after the 2nd one. Judgement Day was a sweet ending to one of the most impressive movies ever produced at that time. The third movie decided to unravel all of the loose ends that had been tied up in the 2nd one and Arnold looked like he was falling apart. Terminator Salvation was not much better...So if you are going to continue the series...do it right...again...and then stop

Goonies:
Do we NEED a Goonies sequel? No...do we want one anyways? Yep. I am opposed to the constant rehash of 80's material. Bring back GI Joe, Transformers, Karate Kid, etc etc. However, it would be AWESOME to get the Goonies back together for some kind of adventure. It would be a trip through Nostalgia that, if properly written, would be genius.

Ghostbusters:
Actually I'm on board with Bill Murray in NOT making another Ghostbusters. Leave that one alone.

Super Mario Brothers:
The Super Mario Brothers movie...if I remember correctly (Only saw it once in the early 90's cause well...it sucked) ended with the princess showing up at Mario and Luigi's house wielding a gun and saying something like, "you guys gotta come back, you aren't going to believe this!" I've spent 18 or so years wondering just exactly what it was that they wouldn't believe...revive it?

Finally,

KUNG POW: Enter the Fist
Turn this movie on at noon- it's funny. Turn this movie on at 7:00 p.m. and it's really funny. Watch this movie late at night with friends...and you are likely to either laugh until you cry OR wet your pants. Weeeeooowww peeeoowwww WHAH! Bring back Betty!

My name is Justin Reeves...and I believe in Sasquatch

2012-01-29T19:56:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to hide the fact that I believe in the existence of Sasquatch. I don't believe in some mystical "Bigfoot" that roams around. I believe that there may be a seldom witnessed species of gigantic ape (which has in fact been proven to exist through fossils) that lives amongst us...specifically in the Northwest of the United States and Canada. Is that so crazy?
"It's just a guy in a suit!"
Hmmmm well I've watched the Patterson Gimlin footage enough times to not accept the "guy in the suit" theory. If you look carefully at the film, there are muscles moving underneath the fur and there is no way that these guys were able to make such a suit. Bare in mind this famous footage came out a few years before Planet of the Apes...and the best that Hollywood could do there was nowhere near the quality from the Patterson/Gimlin footage.

All of the analysis of that footage aside though, I'm convinced of the existence of these creatures based on personal testimony of extended family members who have seen/heard these things. AND the fact that there have been thousands of sightings throughout North America. Are ALL of these people lying?

If thousands of people say they've seen them...then how can we shoot that down? I know I know "They probably saw a bear...it was a guy in a suit."

But wait a minute...

Remember a few months ago when Herman Cain was seeking the Republican nomination for President of the United States? He was catching steam in the polls until like 6 or so women came out and said, "he sexually harassed me" or "he had an affair with me." Now Herman Cain continues to maintain his innocence, but nobody in the country believes him because these 6 women came forward and accused him. "If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..." Well yeah I guess if there are that many accusations of this man then people assume he's guilty right? But why is it that we take the word of 6 or so women about a guy and believe them...and yet we hear thousands of reports, we see increasingly clear photos and recordings and yet...If it walks like a Sasquatch, and it howls like a Sasquatch...it's still just a bear or a guy in a suit?

The Truth is out There.

Feel free to scour through the multiple sitings in North America here: http://www.bfro.net/GDB/#usa

2012-01-22T19:30:00.001-08:00

Hey parents, check it out check it out check it OUT!

(Warning to my regular readers, this is just a project for school...feel free to ignore it. OR you could comment on how awesome it is :)

Tebow: MVP...and a refreshing addition to the sports world

2011-12-12T19:21:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone. Grad classes are done!....for at least 3 weeks. So here I am...rock you like a hurricane.

Tonight I want to talk about an underdog that nobody gave a chance to. A guy that 95% of the media shot down. That's right...Tim Tebow

Since becoming a starter for the Denver Broncos, (That's right, the awful Broncos who were nowhere near the play offs last year) he has led them to a 7-1 record...and they've now taken 1st place in their AFC division and are...as of now...play off bound.

What impresses me about this guy is the way in which he conducts himself. Let's get one thing straight here, I hate the Broncos (though now that may become past tense) I hate Florida (Where he came from) and I hate...I hate...I HATE PETER PAN!...wait that last part was channeling the movie "Hook," sorry.

Anyways, this guy has won me over.

What do I like about him? Well I like that he wears his religion on his sleeve. There are many people that are over his "I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" comments after EVERY game. They don't like his shooting his pointer finger to the sky after he scores either. "He's rubbing religion in my face" is the complaint most commonly heard.

Well considering how much "anti-religion" and "pro-sin" messages we get over and over and over again from entertainers and such, I'd say this is refreshing. Maybe people don't like it cause they don't want to be reminded (on Sundays of all days) that some people find importance in religion.

It's hilarious how a guy who touts Christianity has so many "miracle" come backs. To some it's inexplicable, to me though I get it.

No, God isn't winning games for the Denver Broncos. (God is a Lions fan actually...little known fact). What's happening here, is that Tim Tebow has a positive countenance about him. The guy is beaming with energy and positivity.

He is a natural leader and has found the "WILL TO WIN." He literally found it somewhere. Some teams win cause they're good. He's playing for a team that started the year 1-4 or 1-5...now they are play off bound?

I'm not of the same faith as the guy, but I am a Christian, and I appreciate someone who without flinching or looking sheepish can step up to the Mic and thank Jesus Christ his Lord and Savior. He doesn't hesitate to then thank his defense for stripping the ball from Marion Barber in OT....

I hope he continues to win and I hope that people take notice in the way he conducts himself. There's a huge disparity between the scene on Saturday when Cincinnati and Xavier beat the snot out of each other and were just "being gangsta" after their game....and when the Broncos beat the Jets on a Thursday night and Tebow knelt in a circle of players from BOTH teams...holding hands...and praying for thanks that they were able to compete and have fun.

MVP

Call of Doody

2011-12-05T16:04:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else find it funny that the most popular video game is called, "Call of Doody?" How great was it when they came out with "Call of Doody 2" hahahaha! What's even better is when you start giving them subtitles like, "Call of Doody: Modern Warfare." That sounds like some killer doody. My students walk in with blood shot eyes...dragging their feet...and their excuse? "Up late with Call of Doody." I'm like, "Daaaaaang that must have been some wicked Taco Bell to destroy your body like that." Oh and what about, "Call of Doody: Black Ops?" Sounds like they've got waaaaay too much fiber in that diet. hahahaha.

My name is Justin Reeves,

I have 2 kids

I have 2 Jobs

I have 2 Graduate Classes

and I haven't blogged in a long time.
Tonight I'm dropping by to tell you that "Doody" is hilarious- JR

Blogging in the spaces inbetween

2011-10-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Remember when I used to blog a lot? Yeah them good old "pre-grad school" days. I had a life back then :) I'm doing my best to hop in and say hello right now. Ashley and I went to the Pumpkins concert in Vegas last weekend. It was an awesome show. I've now seen them 5 times, and Zwan (Billy's other band) once. The setlist was a mix between early stuff and brand new songs. Best part was that after the show, instead of looking all over the Internet for expensive crappy bootlegs, I just purchased a USB drive with the whole concert uploaded on it. THAT is technology folks.

My trip to Vegas was an eye opener. This was the first time I've really BEEN to Vegas. Last time I stayed off the strip and went to a Football game, before that I was with my family so I didn't get to experience the ummm "stuff."

Frankly I'm appalled at the world. Humanity is just plain weird and vile. I'm walking hand in hand with my wife down the strip and countless trolls keep trying to hand me flyers with naked chicks on them. I've got a wife guys...does it look like I need prostitutes or strippers? NOPE! It's sad how many people probably take advantage of those ads. It's sad to think that those are people's daughters. In order to get to our room in the Planet Hollywood Hotel, we had to walk through, "the Pleasure Pit." This consisted of a bunch of card tables with scantily clad girls dancing by them while you gambled. Really? I mean I had to sit back and laugh. What is up with people?

We went to a club where my wife wanted to meet a D list celebrity from one of those Bachelor shows. It was her Birthday. Well we got in there and there were all sorts of scantily clad girls whipping each other and pole dancing...ummm...bad club. We stayed for ten minutes and bolted. I got to watch the ground a lot.

I also got to see how humans meet and court now adays. Wow...clubbing has got to be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Group of girls shows up, drinks in hand, and then groups of guys show up, drinks in hand, they all get sloshed and start grinding on each other like baboons. It was all very "primal." I was surprised that the males didn't compete for the females by throwing feces at each other. Is that really how people meet now? I go, I drink, I grind, I wake up next to her, and then I move on to the next female? Check yourselves guys...this belonged on National Geographic. Kind of fun to witness though. With the loud club music people try to posture themselves as being total bad asses when in fact they look ridiculous and embarrassing to the human race.

Well that's my rant for the day. I try to steer clear of politics on here, but one last note: The other night I went to use the restroom at my work, and it was "Occupied." It was lame. I get that you want to Occupy Wall Street, but leave my restroom be, I really gotta go!

What is and what could have been...

2011-09-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

First off,
I like where I'm at,
I love who I'm with,
I love my life, it freaking rocks.

But...
I had a thought the other night whilst watching the first game of the NFL season.

I still feel like a little kid... (this is obvious to all who know me...I'm almost 30 and I go to the Comic Book Store weekly to Geek out). So it's weird when I'm watching the NFL and it says, "he's an NFL veteran, he's 30 and has been in the league 8 years..." I'll be 30 in December.

So let's turn the clock back to the early 90's... I believe it was 5th grade when the original x-men animated series started airing on Fox. I was already a huge Star Wars fan and loved sci fi stuffs. Let's say I never got into that stuff and I spent every waking moment in the gym. I was 6'3 and 156 lbs when I graduated. What if I'd put on a ton of muscle and was 195?

What if I'd played football all through Jr. High and made it onto the high school team?

What if I'd been really good? I seem to do ok at the Turkey Bowl every year so maybe I have skills?

What if a college had picked me up? What if I'd actually played college ball? 6'3 195lbs is a pretty good size for a quarterback. What if I'd played for some Jr. College and then transferred to BYU or U of U or Utah State?

What if I was good enough and got picked up in some late round draft pick?

What if the starting QB was awful, the 2nd string got hurt, and they had to throw me into the game?

What if I'd replaced Drew Brees in San Diego instead of Phillip Rivers? We're the same age right?

What if I was currently a starting quarterback in the NFL? Could I have done it? I mean there's got to be a chance that somewhere along these "what if" questions there is a scenario where I'm making millions of dollars and throwing touchdown passes like a champ right?

What if I was a top tier fantasy draft pick?

What if ESPN loved me and Jim Rome booked me often?

What if...

What if I hate lifting weights, was too skinny to play ball, and was more interested in photography and reading. What if I went to school and found that I loved teaching English at my alma matter high school for slightly less than millions a year. What if the only person who wants me on their fantasy team is my wife cause she loves me? What if I "watch the Superbowl from my house on a Sunday, go to school the next mornin drive off in a Hyundai?"

I can barely afford to buy tyco with my money...
Still too skinny to buy lipo with my money...

My thoughts on 9/11

2011-09-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

I promised my good friend Dave that I'd blog about what went down that day since we were together when the $#it hit the fan. 9/11 is always in the back of the minds of those who witnessed it, and once a year the History channel and others show us documentary after documentary with that footage that stirs up the feelings I had that day. Not sadness, not remorse,....but anger.

I was ticked off.

I was serving as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Columbus, Ohio on September the 11th. I was "stationed" in the suburb of Gahanna, Ohio. There were four of us in the apartment. Elder Bradford, and I were one set of missionaries. Elder Hall and Elder Bunting were the others. On that particular morning we got up, read scriptures, ate, and decided that Elder Hall and Bradford would go help with some service at a member of our congregation's house, meanwhile Dave Bunting and I would go knock on doors. Dave recounted to me that he remembers that morning being very quiet...which wasn't the usual case seeing as how we lived 2 blocks from the airport. Nothing was taking off....

Hall and Bradford took the car and we set out on foot. Before we started knocking doors, we stopped at the bank on the corner so Dave could make a deposit or something. We walked in the door and saw about a dozen or so stunned people gathered around a little tv that had been set up on a folding card table. I asked what happened, and a gentleman said, "awww they're crashing planes into the Trade Centers." I didn't know who "they were" and I had assumed they meant small planes (like everyone else did I'm pretty sure) . Just then a woman next to me broke out into hysterics screaming, "my sister is New York City Oh my God! My Sister!" While someone helped comfort her I recall the news reporter saying, "we can see building one and there is a lot of smoke. Reports of building two falling are unconfirmed but...."and then Tower 1 fell... "Ladies and gentleman the other tower is not standing, they are both down...at any given time there are 20,000+ people working in those buildings...." At this point Dave and I left. It was only two blocks to our apartment, but I stopped at a radio shack on the way back and bought a small black and white tv. Missionaries don't watch t.v. or listen to the radio while in the service, however one of the last things the newsman had said was something about a grounded flight at the Columbus airport (2 blocks away) that might have a bomb on it. Plus Bradford was from DC so we figured we needed to know what was up.

When we got back and got the tv working, Bradford and Hall came in. We had learned about the Pentagon moments before.

Strange thing about that day was the "WHAT!?" moments that kept coming up. First a plane hit and there was fire and people were concerned. When the 2nd plane hit..."WHAT?!" that's when we knew it was terrorists. When the tower fell...."WHAT!?" we thought it was just a fire. When the news broke of the Pentagon..."WHAT!?" struck again.

Bradford was crying because he knew people who worked at the Pentagon. I remember him saying, "pack your bags guys, we're going to war...."

I remember that the news showed a lot of images that day that for years have not been shown. Most notably...the people jumping. I'll never forget that sight.

That afternoon we went to the mall to try and escape the emotions we were feeling. The WHOLE mall was closed.

A mission buddy of mine later recounted his experience that day. He was standing in a Walmart, watching the screens, and noticed a few people dressed in their traditional Muslim clothing. He said that the women were pointing at the screen, laughing, and giving each other high fives.

It's a good thing that I wasn't at that Walmart....that's all I'm going to say there.

Some people were scared...
Some were confused...(Heck I'd never really heard much about this Bin Laden fellow)
Some were personally affected...

I was just plain ticked off. I'll never forget that feeling, because every time I see a video of those planes hitting or people falling...those feelings of anger come back.

I take comfort in knowing that Bin Laden spent the 10th anniversary as a bullet riddled corpse that has probably become fish excrement at this point.

When the planes hit, and the fires started, the people ran out...
The fireman and first responders ran in...
That's heroism at its finest.
I'm proud to be an American- JR

Too old for rock concerts? nah

2011-08-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

So last night my brother and I took our wives to our yearly dose of 311. This year was a special treat since they had Sublime opening. Sublime has been dead since their singer died in the mid 90's however they got a new guy that sounded just like him and it was boss.

Things to check off my bucket list?
How about hearing: Santeria, Wrong Way, Garden Grove, April 26th 1992, What I got and Date Rape all performed live? CHECK!

After the show we were discussing at what age it becomes pathetic to show up to a concert like this. For example, there was a lady in her mid 40's behind us that was so hammered she didn't even make it past the opening act. She spilled beer all over us and was incredibly embarrassing. It's been a couple of years since I've purchased GA (that's concert goer speak for General Admission) to a 311 show. I'm presented with a choice, I can either stand by my wife in good seats and make out during the slow songs, or I can battle it out with drunken shirtless dudes in front. Both are great options, however last night was perfect because it was just Ash and I. (Although her constant asking of, "when will Nick Hexum (lead singer) be taking his shirt off?" got a little old haha).

The setlist was solid last night, but I must say there was a blaring omission in that my brother Cody was not there to dig it with us.

I got home and felt really old because I was so wiped out from the show. Concerts take a lot of energy and at 29 in grad school and working 2 jobs I don't have much of that. So I guess I'll take it easy for a while. No more big shows for me....oops just bought tickets to The Smashing Pumpkins on October 8th in Vegas. Clinging to youth my friends... To quote said Smashing Pumpkins, "Youth is wasted on the young."
Feel free to enjoy 98% of the song "Down"

Summer Wrap Up...sorry I've been busy

2011-08-07T19:22:00.001-07:00

The Summer of 2011 will go down in history as one of my best and one of my worst. It started off innocently enough with me teaching summer school for extra moneys. Grad school started on the third week in June so I was just biding my time until it started. Well one Monday evening after work, some friends and I went to Super 8 (so good). I sat down, kicked my feet up and then I started getting light headed. I felt like I was going to pass out...which I didn't because I rudely grabbed my cousin's soda and started drinking to keep conscious. I thought nothing of it and went on with my life. The next day at work though, I got really light headed again before I started my class. So light headed that I called a sub and made my way down to the office before I nearly blacked out on the nurse's bed thing. EMT's were called, vitals were taken, and they said I was fine.
I took it easy for a day and then one night went on a drive with my wife, suddenly my right leg felt like it was going numb. I panicked, ran to the ER, almost blacked out again, feared a blood clot, did tests, freaked out etc...nothing came back positive.
What the Hell was wrong with me? Doctors kept saying, "stress, it's stress," which is usually the answer they give when they don't know.
I had just finished a hectic school year, I was teaching summer school, prepping for (and dreading) grad school, and all of this had...I guess...caused a short circuit of sorts. Yep...I was stressed.
Well I quit summer school and waited for grad school to start. It started and lo and behold my teachers were quite awesome/chill. I was still getting tests done for the "just in case" idea that had formed in my mind. I got an MRI on my brain (insert empty x-ray joke) and did this really cool nerve test that they called the torture test on my leg. They basically "tazed me bro" for an hour and stuck me with needles. In the end they said negative on everything, including MS. SO....apparently when I get stressed it causes my right leg to get a numb feeling which causes my brain to think I've got a life threatening clot which causes anxiety which leads to...whatever.

I got to go on my yearly de-stressing trip to Cave Falls which is located in the southwestern corner of Yellowstone National Park. Fishing, hiking, camping...it relaxes me like crazy while simultaneously stressing out my wife. The water was really high this year so the mosquitoes were biblical plague levels. Instead of camping in the normal spot and getting eaten, we stayed in a nice spot by a golf course at the mouth of Cave Falls road. No skeeters, grass instead of dirt, it was soooo nice.

The only problem with the trip was that the high water made the river nearly impossible to ford. (I say nearly impossible because I got really ticked off and forded it just to say I did) In a summer where I'd realized my own limitations (I'm mortal? What!?) I was sad to see that my yearly shot of confidence (conquering nature all over the place) was not going to happen. The river had the best of me...the fish weren't biting for me...ugh.

I started tying my own flies this year and hoped beyond hope that I'd be able to catch a fish with a fly of my own making. This would truly make me a man...well since all of the fishing holes I usually wade out to were now abysses that could in fact contain rogue Russian submarines, I couldn't even get a bite.

Well standing the river, mentally cursing the stupid water level and my stupid stress levels and this and that, I looked to the heavens and said, "God, this summer has been lame. I know this is a dumb request, but I really need to catch a fish on this here fly that I tied else I'll go home with my head hung low."

God blessed me with 2...

He also blessed me with the Captain America movie when I got home. It was incredible. So grateful for my friends who selflessly waited a week for me to get home to see Cap with me...sacrifice ladies and gentlemen...that's what it's all about. Cowboys and Aliens along with The Rise of the Planet of the Apes rounded out the summer nicely.

Right before I posted this I sent my final term paper to my professor. I'm done with this round of classes. I've got 2 weeks til school starts so I'm relaxed and a little busy.

311/Sublime concert on the 17th
Fantasy Football Draft at the end of the month
Life is good. I appreciate all who have supported me this summer. God Bless You All.

Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings

2011-07-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

I know that everyone is super excited for the last chapter of the Harry Potter franchise to hit the big screen. I know it's a cultural phenomenon and everything but let's just hang on a second here. Harry Potter (whose name Rowling ripped off of the movie "Troll" from the 80's-look it up) as far as a film series is concerned, has been one of the most boring wastes of time in the history of cinema.

Is it just me or did most of the movies consist of that red haired weasel kid whining and brooding about something while adolescence did cutesy magic things and went to dances? This is a franchise that liked to throw around kick butt phrases like, "defense against the dark arts" and "death eaters." (Death Eaters a name given to Taco Bell addicts)

So in the 6th movie, nothing happened. Nothing at all. If I recall it was more like a British romantic film with the "who's snogging Ginny" bit being the most important. Then at the end some guy dies and then instead of having an epic fight scene like the book portrays, they just let the bad guys go. LAAAAAAME. Let's see some of that defense against the dark arts used against the death eaters eh? naaaah that'd be too cool. Instead we should just wrap it up and watch the money roll in.

Lord of the Rings needs no defense. I just finished watching extended trilogy on Blu-Ray and I saw major action sequences in all 3 films. The locations changed at a rapid pace as opposed to the first Deathly Hallows film which pretty much took place in an acre of forest over and over and over again.

Do you know what I DIDN'T see in Lord of the Rings? Robert Pattinson....Game Set Match.

I'll give Harry Potter credit on this one item: the 3rd film was actually fairly well done. It had decent characters in it and so I was a bit more interested. Harry, Hermione, and Ron are all pretty lame characters. Snape, Sirius, and Belatrix are pretty much the only cool parts of the series.

Villains?
Right...Voldemort is REALLY scary. His only frightening feature was the lack of a nose. What, did he do something really evil one day and his nose just popped out of existence? I suppose the dementors are pretty cool, or at least they would have been if they hadn't already shown up in Lord of the Rings riding on really cool looking black horses or dragon things.

The makers of Harry Potter are pretty stupid. The biggest complaint from fans is that the books are all better than the movies. The movies just have to pack way too much in so things get left out. Ummmm excuse me? You think you could make a Potter movie 4 hours long and people wouldn't have gone? Of course they would have. Lord of the Rings was incredibly long, and then extended to even longer...and IT WORKED! Then again Lord of the Rings extended and added scenes of action and plot thickening events. Harry Potter would just add scenes of kids eating puke jelly beans, full quiditch matches, and Moaning Mertle practicing for synchronized swimming.

Let's face it, no matter how cool the final battle between the good wizards and the bad wizards is in this new film (which I'll eventually see and give a fair chance to) it will never EVER stack up to the goblins in the Mines of Moria, the Battle of Helms Deep, or The Battle of Pelinor Fields.

You know your story has issues when I find myself kind of hoping that Voldamort pulls off a victory and shuts those whiny teens up. How great would it have been to see the witch king wraith guy swallow Harry's Patronus and crap it out onto the battle field?

Whoah where I been?

2011-06-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

So I've been gone for a while. My bad. I've had some health issues (and am currently still trying to figure out what the #%#$ is going on with them) that have kept me from blogging.

So let's just touch bases with you on a few things. Thanks for being out there for me to blog at by the way.

1. I made a great post/rant about hating smart phones and all that etc etc. Well...ummm...my wife really wanted them so I caved and we both got Samsung Galaxy things on some great Father's day deal. I know I know, I'm a weak hypocritical fool. I've already wasted more than enough time of my life throwing birds at pigs hiding behind bricks and ice blocks.

2. Super 8 review: Jaws + Goonies + Close Encounteres = Super 8. It's classic Spielbergian cinema. J.J. Abrams is making a name for himself as an excellent director ( I loved Star Trek and the controversial Cloverfield)

3. I started grad school today. Minus my freaking out about my medical gig stuff it was pretty darned cool. The professor was hilarious and made things quite easy. I'm excited to further my education.

4. Go Mavs! I was pretty pumped to see Dirk and Jason Kidd get their rings. Heat can win next year and I'll be fine with that, but this was Dallas' year.

5. Pumped for X-men Schism. This summer the X-men are going to split up. Wolverine and Cyclops will square off (you know which side I've chosen) and the x-men will basically pick between the two. I've really loved getting back into the world of Comic Books. They have brought me so much joy.

Anyways, that's me right now. I appreciate good friends and family for pitching in and helping me with whatever the biff is going on with me physically right now (Huge shout out to Chad Durham for saving my skin in Lehi).

I'd like to continue blogging about stuff but the TV is on in the background and there's an Anaconda movie on. It is airing after the third one, so I'm guessing it's part 4, but there is not 4 in the title. It's kind of like when they ran out of Land Before Time numbers and just started giving them cool subtitles. Ok a wolf just howled in the amazon in the movie.

Cheers to all. I'll get better blogs going soon. Peace- JR

My review of X-men First Class

2011-06-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Much of this blog will be in response to my good friend Johnny's blog post (here) about the film.

Johnathon- I agreed with many parts of your review but I gotta say that your hang up on continuity is much like Magneto getting dragged behind that Submarine. "You have to let go or you'll die!"

I know where you are coming from. Continuity can be frustrating. You bring up many situations in the film that seem to contradict themselves in the original trilogy. However, the hang up on continuity just ruined for you what many consider to be one of Marvel's best flicks.

Sabertooth in X-men Origins: Wolverine was way different than the Sabertooth from the first X-men movie...but it was a welcome change... Just go with it and all is well.

When the hobbit is released I'm not going to walk in and say, "Gandalf said Bilbo hadn't aged a day but these are clearly very different looking hobbits!"

Nor will I bemoan the Lord of the Rings Trilogy for not simply using the eagles to fly over Mt. Doom and drop the ring in like 5 minutes into the film...would have saved us a lot of drama and great battle scenes.

Magneto helped Xavier build cerebro? That's possible and here's why: Like in the comic books, Xavier and Magneto have a love hate relationship that goes off and on fairly quickly. It is quite possible that (God Willing) in X-men first class 2, Xavier and Magneto will unite in an effort to destroy a common enemy. The comics are full of enemies that could fit the role of the "kill all mutants" mentality.

Moira McTaggert is an Irish doctor in the comics and is a CIA member in this one. It's ok to stray from the comics in this one. Remember, if we'd gone by the comics this whole time then Dark Phoenix would have had to fight the X-men on the moon with the Watcher checking the whole thing out. Sometimes it's ok to make some changes from the source material to the big screen.

Ask yourself this: If this had been the first X film and there was no earlier trilogy...would you have not loved it?

I guess in the end the point is this: X-men First Class ROCKED big time as far as action and story go. Honestly I was glad that most of the focus was on Bacon, Magneto, and Professor X. The other actors were chosen hastily (I believe Beast dropped out and they got this guy 2 weeks before shooting began or something like that) and I wanted more from them.

John...you and I both know that if Marvel wants to be serious about making the best X movie ever, they'd call us up, we'd collaborate, and Singer and Ratner would be kept far far away from our bunker.

X-men First Class gets:

A+ for action. Very cool very disturbing scenes with Magneto vs Nazis

A for acting. Some of the minor mutants were newbies, but Magneto, Bacon, and Professor were great.

B+ for special effects. Banshee vs Angel was a REALLY cool scene, however Beast looked kind of Grinch/Cat in the Hat-esque

D+ for continuity...but it's ok...just go with it.

F for not having anything at the end of the credits. BOOOOOH!

I've seen it twice and loved it both times. Ignore all continuity and you won't have the hang ups of my good friend Johnathon. Some day you'll see the both of us on the writing credits for the best X-movie ever. Til then, This one and X-2 are neck and neck...probably gotta give the edge to this one.

My parents didn't have names...they were taken from them by Pig Farmers and Tailors...

What difference do you and I make?

2011-05-31T16:43:00.000-07:00

How much are you worth? How much am I worth? How large is the ripple we've caused? What would the world be like without Captain Hook...errr...Me/You?

This is one of those alternate reality questions that can never be answered but it is fun to think about it on occasion.

The ground rule is: Not a scenario where the premise is "If I died today." because that's really depressing. Plus most of your scenario would be about people mourning you and that's just downright sad.

Ask yourself these questions:

What would my family be like without me? If you are the oldest, what would your closest sibling act like if they were the first instead of the 2nd child?

Where would my spouse be? I assume she'd be married to someone else...would she be happy?

What would my friends be like? If you are the glue that holds the group together, you have to consider that they'd have all hung out with different people. Maybe your friend who ended up going to college and getting a degree would have ended up hanging out with the wrong crowd, gotten involved with drugs, and OD'd before they were 17.

Would the population of the world be differnet? For example, because you were driving to the mall at age 16, was there a car that missed a light, which eventually led to them getting in to a car accident 3 hours later and dying? If you had never been born, would those people in the accident have had 3 more kids by now?

There are so many different questions. The Butterfly Effect that you produce can be simply amazing.

One of the best X-men story arcs of all time was "The Age of Apocalypse." This was where Legion went back in time and murdered Professor Xavier. Because of this action, the future was altered and Apocalypse ruled the world. Magneto led the X-men. Cyclops and his Brother Havok (along with a Darker version of Beast) worked for Mr. Sinister (one of Apocalypse's 4 horsemen) and Sabertooth fought for the good guys. Wolverine was missing a hand due to a duel with Cyclops who in turn was missing an eye from said duel.

The point is, there was a difference of peace or nuclear holocaust based on the presence of one man.

I like to think that as an English Teacher I've made a difference in some of my student's lives this year. It was nice to see so many old students come BACK to see me before they graduated this week. May we all make sure that our existence, our presence here isn't wasted. Be a positive ripple in the space time continuum of life- JR

100th POST EXTRAVAGANZA OF SUPER DUPER FUN!!!

2011-05-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

In April of 2009 I started this blog. 2 years later and a lot of "what the heck is he talking about" later and here we are. 100th post! This could be wrong though, I'm not sure. At some point I went through and deleted a few posts that were politically charged. I've decided that politics have no place on my blog, nor anywhere on facebook. Just as teaching a Sunday School lesson in a crowded McDonalds is a poor choice of venue, so is Facebook for posting political rants and videos. So it's possible that a few posts ago was "really" my 100th post, but whatever here we go, let's celebrate life!

List of 100 great things (in no particular order):

100. Family
99. Friends
98. Food
97. Music
96. Sports
95. Comic Books
94. Movies
93. The Great Outdoors
92. Video Games (classic Video Games)
91. The great outdoors with family friends and food and physical activity. While listening to music, Playing Video Games, watching movies and reading comic books in the tent at night.

And that's pretty much it...the list stops there. Did I miss anything? Cause I'm pretty sure that everything great about life is covered right there. I'm sure there's ONE unmentionable that we'll just leave to reader's imagination. Wink Wink giggle giggle geeky snort.

I just want to thank the readers. The people like you who have dropped by and checked out what I have to say about various topics. Some of you even post comments! Do you have any idea how much better my day is when I see that people hath commented on my stuffs?

I went back and read my first post. It says that I'd end each post with, "out." Well that faded pretty quickly, but what the heck. Here's to 100 more posts and more time spent with family and friends...eating food...after playing sports...in a tent with comic books, video games, music, and movies. OUT

Geek Week

2011-05-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

Great week for Geeks. Yep I just capitalized "Geek." Midnight Thursday: THOR!
As stated in my review last week, it was epic. The review touched on the film itself, but the viewing experience is so much more. I love getting together with fellow "Geek" friends and hitting up the premiers of these movies. I know I know, "can't you just wait to see it tomorrow at a normal time?" Well yes I could, but I guarantee that your showing didn't have as much cheering and applause as ours did when Thor totally did that big beasty thing in. Yeah. Also, how many people showed up in costume for your 7:15 show Friday night eh?This Schism poster was free at Free Comic Book Day... The colors messed up on the scan but how cool is this picture? (for those of you who don't get it, Wolverine just off'd Cyclops)

Then on Saturday: Free Comic Book Day! I headed over to "Dragons Keep," in Provo. That store has been in the valley since I first started collecting back in the early 90's. The guys who run the store are very cool and it was nice to see so many people out. I was able to snag some really cool free comics such as "The Dark Crystal."

I also grabbed some back issues of X-treme X-men and Uncanny X-men. Mostly for the artwork by Salvador Larocca.

I found a gem in the original mini-series of "The Last Starfighter" from 1984. Classic 80's flick, which I've also blogged about. I scanned the covers to make a montage of awesomeness. All in all it was a great geeky weekend. My buddy John lent me the first season of "The Big Bang Theory." And that pretty much topped off a perfect trifecta of Geekdom... Carry on True Believers...carry on.

Movie Reviews: Fast 5 and Thor

2011-05-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

It's the summer movie season. I think that this season I'll write reviews for each film I see and maybe you'll find yourself in the theater seeing something you might not have otherwise?

Fast 5 (Fast and the Furious part 5)
Saw it last week at midnight on the Imax big screen. Now to be honest I've never seen the 1st Fast and the Furious. I saw the 2nd one once with some work buddies. Never saw the third. The 4th one somehow got me interested and it was a fine fine movie. Fast 5 takes place immediately after the events of the 4th installment. This film was ridiculously awesome in that every chance to blow something up was taken advantage of. Vin Diesel's character got to tussle with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Paul Walker and Diesel at one point drove a car off of a cliff for a long...long...time. This is one of those movies where someone can say, "but the acting was cheesy!" Well yeah...but you don't go to these movies to see Shakespearean acting, you go to see stolen street racing cars drag a multi-ton safe through the streets of Rio while being shot by drug cartels. I saw this movie with my buddies: Kelly, Clint, and Robin. I couldn't have seen it with a better group. If you see this, make sure you've seen the 4th one first (it'll fill the story in for ya) and then stay after the credits for one of the best surprises EVER. Not only is this the best Fast and Furious movie, it is also one of the best action flicks I've seen in years. 5/5 stars

Thor...let me try that again...THOOOOORRRRR!

Saw it at midnight last night and it's fresh in my memory! Forgive my bias. I'm a comic book fan who is as loyal to Marvel as I am to my wife. I love that brand the way some may love "American Express" "Pepsi" or "Nike." Thor is the 2nd to last piece that must be placed delicately into a much larger picture. The Avengers is slated for release next May. So far, both Iron Man movies were incredible, the 2nd take on Hulk was unbelievably cool, and all we need is for Thor and Captain America to hold their own. Avengers is currently shooting and may very well be the biggest movie...ever. Of all of these characters though, THOR is the one I was the most concerned about. He's not just a super hero, he's a God from another dimension with the powers of Norse deity. It's a hard pill to swallow, luckily though Kenneth Branaugh gave us a spoon full of sugar to help that medicine go down. First and foremost the acting was insanely good for a comic book flick. Chris Hemsworth stole the show as Thor, while Tom Hiddleston played a very dubious "Loki" and Sir Anthony Hopkins played "Odin" to perfection. Stallin Skarsgard and Natalie Portman were fine in their roles as mortals wrapped in Thor's story but they were kind of outshined by all of the other worldly action. Half of the movie takes place in Asgard while the rest takes place on Earth. Thor's armor looks right at home in the other dimension, but a little out of place on Earth. Hopefully the Avengers movie somehow addresses this. The director for some reason likes to do this weird diagonal shot which was cool a couple of times, but quickly got annoying. Despite its flaws it is one of, if not THE best Marvel movie to date. I can't wait to see how Iron Man interacts with Thor in team up flick. I loved it. Go see it. 4.5/5 Stars

Revenge: A dish best served with noodles

2011-05-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

What is it about our basic human nature that makes revenge so sweet? Sweet is a bad word, how about, "positively stimulating."

We like revenge.

Revenge of the Nerds

Revenge of the Sith

Reve....Return of the Jedi

Taking out Osama Bin laden. etc etc etc

Sunday night was interesting. I'd like to say I was watching something manly when the news broke, but I was watching Desperate Housewives with my wife.

I was 19 when Bin Laden orchestrated the attacks that brought the Trade Center down amongst the other attacks that day. I was old enough to know what was going on and I was really REALLY mad. I wanted revenge. I've wanted revenge for almost 10 years. Now that I know Bin Laden is dead and at the bottom of the ocean finding Nemo, I feel pretty good.

We gave the guy a proper Muslim burial, and while some are complaining about this (and I can see their point of view) I think it's really cool that our worst enemy, the man our country absolutely hated, wasn't paraded through the streets, wasn't posted all over the Internet, and wasn't treated the way the enemy had treated some of their US prisoners. We actually washed his body before comitting it to the deep.

I just finished reading Uncanny X-Force issue #9. In it, Magneto hands an envelope to Wolverine and asks for him to eliminate the target. The target turns out to be a Nazi war criminal who had held Magneto captive in a concentration camp when he was a boy. Wolverine hikes into the mountains of Brazil (P.S. go see Fast 5, it's AWESOME) and finds a house in the jungle. An old man is there to greet him. The old man says, "I knew this day would come. I moved here like many of the war criminals, I married, and knew that every day of happiness that I enjoyed was not deserved." Wolverine does his thing (he's the best at what he does, but what he does isn't very nice) and walks away.

Vengeance is an interesting concept. I'm not sure where I come out on the subject, suffice to say that vengeance only occurs in reaction to an initial trespass. May we all be chill. I'd hate to think that somewhere out there, someone is plotting revenge for something I did out of my negligence, not of my purpose.

Things I've always wanted to try, but just haven't been able to muster the guts to do them

2011-04-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

So...awkward moments. They can be really funny, but sometimes it takes a lot of guts to pull them off. I was reminded by some friends of mine at my high school ten year reunion this year about the time I stood up in class and grabbed my eye and screamed, "MY EYE!" as I ran out of the room.

That took a lot of guts, but I pulled it off. Here's a list of things I've always wanted to try, but have just never been able to talk myself into doing:

1- Poke my head out of the bathroom door at McDonalds and yell, "Excuse me! I'm all out of McToilet Paper in here!"

2- Try to withdraw money from my bank account and when they ask for identification I just wave my hand and say, "you don't need to see my identification."

3- Go into a pet store and ask them which breed of dog that they carry, tastes the best after it matures and is seasoned.

4- Go to the most recent disney tweeny-bop movie which stars the latest Hannah Montana-esque star, all alone...dressed in a huge Santa Suit...and I chuckle loudly after every corny joke.

5- Kick a buffalo

6-Run for public office...any public office. My slogan will be, "Hell, why not? Vote for Reeves!"

7-During a touchdown celebration, throw small trout throughout the stands

8- While using the urinal (I've gotten close to trying this one) sing the entire theme song to the original Mario Brothers game on NES, regardless of how many people are in there.

9-Go to the Lincoln Memorial and just talk to it for hours about my favorite movies.

10- Legitimately get my tongue stuck to a flag pole and start yelling, "shtuck! shtuck!"

So yeah, there's a list of random things I've always wanted to try but just haven't had the chance, the money, or the guts to pull em off- JR

What's Left to Re-Boot?

2011-04-18T15:54:00.000-07:00

I feel bad for the current generation. They have nothing "original" when it comes to entertainment. When was the last time a movie came out and you said to yourself, "wow, that was really original" ? And don't say inception. That movie was ripped off of a Donald Duck comic book from 2002. I know ya'll are jealous cause you weren't born in the 1980's, and so you resort to remaking and rebooting classics. I'm not complaining exactly, cause honestly most of these movies have been pretty sweet. I just find it interesting that the 80's are still this dominant.

-Karate Kid

-Transformers

-Smurfs

-Tron

-He-Man (animated)

-Thundercats (animated)

-Vultron (animated)

-Red Dawn

-Wallstreet

-Indiana Jones

-Rambo

-Rocky

-A-Team

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

-Top Gun (in the works)

-GI JOE -Friday the 13th franchise

-Nightmare on Elm Street franchise

and the list goes on bada bum de dum BOOM!

I'm probably missing quite a few. My hope is that certain films are left alone. They've already announced a re-booting of Batman. You realize that they are only two films into the trilogy, the second of which is the number 3 box office grossing film of all time. DC's just trying to keep up with Marvel though since they are re-booting Spider Man... and the X-men as well.

Let's look at some classic 80's flicks and see if they warrant a sequel or a reboot or nothing at all.

The Goonies- I know that most people will say, "leave this one alone." But, the remaining original cast is still down with this one. They actually want to make this work. LET THEM DO IT! It's one of the most epic films of all time and we'd love to see them re-unite and go on another Goonie adventure.

DO NOT, however, cast Justin Bieber as Mikey Walsh and re-boot this thing. We don't need a CGI Sloth, I repeat, we do NOT need a CGI Sloth.

Sequel: Yes Reboot: No

The Last Starfighter- Alex Rogan has defeated the Codan Armada... Now he needs to train the next generation of Star Fighter.

DO NOT, however, cast Andy Sandberg as Alex Rogan and turn a classic sci-fi masterpiece into a mockery... On second thought though, Tracy Morgan as Grieg might be slightly hilarious. I take it back- Andy Sandberg and Tracy Morgan would make this awesome. Throw in Chevy Chase as Centari and we've got a hit!

Sequel: Yes Comical Re-boot: Yes

WILLOW- Moments after finishing the Lord of the Rings book trilogy, George Lucas came up with this amazing idea about a halfling that teams up with humans to protect something that would destroy all evil in the world. Willow is a veritable classic and will be for eons. How oft do I find myself wishing I had a little bag of bones in my pocket, and whenever people are trying to decide something I could say, "I will consult the bones!" Then I'd dump them out and say, "The bones tell me....nothing."

There were a slew of book sequels to this, but I think that in this case a remake would be a bad idea since Val Kilmer is now...well.. let's put it this way. His call sign in Top Gun was "Iceman." Judging by his presnt girth, he'd be known as "Iceberg that sent the Titanic to the bottom of the Atlantic." Mad Mardigan was the coolest character ever...let's not ruin him shall we?

Sequel: No Re-boot: No

Also, don't even think of having Ferris Beuler's son take school off, and Better off Dead is Better Off left alone since it's the greatest comedy to come out of that beloved decade.

What else would you like to see remade from the 80's? AND DON'T SAY HOWARD THE DUCK!

I Hate Zach Galifinakis and Seth Rogen

2011-04-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

I know there are plenty of other guilty parties, but I'm going to focus on these two clowns because they caught my attention lately.

Since I'm not a regular viewer of raunchy "comedies," I haven't seen much of these guys. I saw the Galifinakis tool in the dinner for Schmucks flick, which I regret seeing, and he seems to be a one trick pony as far as the breadth of character he can play.

Recently I saw an interview done with Seth Rogen on the Conan O'Brien Show. Conan mentioned that Seth was a big fan of weed. Seth replied, "yeah, I have my medical marijuana card here in California." Conan asked him what his ailments were that warranted the use of the drug and he said something along the lines of "I'm sick of not having enough WEEEEED!"

Great.

Zach Galifinakis hosted SNL the other night. He had a large sheet of paper that read, "Clap if you endorse legalized marijuana." He then folded the paper back to read, "I'm ashamed of this audience." And then he peeled it back to say, "There should have been MORE clapping." Finally he finished with, "I smoke so much pot that sometimes I forget to smoke it."

Awesome.

I'd like to introduce these two morons to my students. This year I've had kids arrested for dealing your precious weed. They're going to be in the court system and won't be getting out to see your latest movie. I've had multiple students drop out and or fail my class and most other classes all year, and guess why they've all been suspended. I've got a kid right now whose IQ is basically flat lined because of how much weed he smoked growing up. Kid is only 15 and his mind is a barren wasteland.

So thanks for promoting drug use you guys. You are making millions while my kids here are failing out of life before they're 18.

There will be those who argue that it's not that big of a deal. They'll think me a small minded conservative Christian who knows nothing.

Well here's what I do know. Drugs are illegal, they screw you up, and these two morons who are adored by impressionable teenagers are out there promoting it.

I'm on the front lines. I see what it does to these kids. You clue-less hippies have a lot of blood on your hands.

-end frustrating rant.

It's the story...of a lovely MURDER!

2011-04-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

Whilst watching John Travolta's classic t.v. movie from 1975- The Boy in the Plastic Bubble, this weekend, I started to think about some unanswered questions. Travolta's dad in the show was played by the guy who played Mr. Brady from the Brady Bunch show.

I blogged about the things they never explained in Toy Story a month or so back, and now I'm going to go to a dark place that holds more questions than answers...

THE BRADY BUNCH.

"Excessive uses of alcohol, physical, or verbal abusiveness are a few examples of reasons to lose child visitation rights" (Child Visitation Rights).

Throwing the silly movies aside, why was there never an episode (that I can remember) where the kids left to be with their other parent?

"Producer Schwartz wanted Carol to have been a divorcee but the network objected to this. A compromise was reached whereby no mention was made of the circumstances in which Carol's first marriage ended" (Wikipedia).

So we have two split families that become one... let's look at both sides and guess what MAY have happened.

Carol Brady and the Girls: In this case I'm guessing that the lack of child visitation rights comes from an abusive parent. Jan Brady is obviously dealing with some real issues throughout the series. My guess is that their biological father used to mistreat Florence Henderson and her brood. If violence was involved, this would explain the lack of visitations. They never make mention of him...maybe he was in prison? The show was canceled before the 6th season ever materialized and the internet is telling me it's 6-10 years for abuse of that kind. If the 6th season HAD come to pass we may have seen Flo Hender's Ex getting out of Folsom to stay with the family and spend time with his girls. The Ex waits til Mr. Brady is gone and attacks Flo Hender with a wrench. Tiger (the family's dog) bites the guy in the process and rips a major vein, causing the man to bleed to death on the shag carpeting.

Mr. Brady and the Boys: Whereas Flo Hender divorced an abusive guy, Mr. Brady and the boys lost their mother to...mysterious circumstances. That's right...It's the story of a lovely MURDER! Throw in some blackmail and you have a plausible reason why Alice the maid is still hanging around. Mr. Brady works, Mrs. Brady....does what? She's home all day, why do they need a maid? The truth is they don't need a maid. Alice is there, working for free, because if she EVER says anything about what went down on August 18th 1968, Mr. Brady would feed her to the dog. Mr Brady, master manipulator, began flirting with Alice. He knew that Alice had a huge crush on him and he used that to his advantage. Mr. Brady had tired of his current wife and had noticed Flo-Hender at the shopping center recently. He knew her situation, he knew she was vulnerable, and he wanted out of his current relationship. He manipulated Alice into believing that if she (Alice) could just get rid of the old Mrs. Brady, then they would hook up. Didn't happen though. Alice killed the old Mrs. Brady and came running to what she THOUGHT would be an excited Mr. Brady...only to find him aghast at what she'd done. "Alice...what have you done...why did you...sniff...kill her?" Alice panicked, but Mr. Brady comforted her. "Listen, I won't tell the police, but your paycheck just disappeared. You work for me now, forever and always. If you EVER leave, I'm telling the cops everything. So Mr. Brady got Flo-Hender, got rid of his old wife, and got free maid service for life.

And THAT's the way they became the Brady Bunch!

World Peace...it's as simple as pushing "play"

2011-03-30T15:32:00.000-07:00

People killing people...

Invasions...

Dictators...

Folks strapping bombs to their kids...

There's got to be a better way...and there is.

The sollution to the problem is simple: Operation Wyld Stallynz.

Remember what the future looks like? It's a bunch of futuristic dudes strumming guitars with Bill and Ted's band "The Wyld Stallynz" playing in the background. Rufus was there, and it was good.

"You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony, allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life; from extra terrestrials to common household pets, and it's excellent for dancing."- Rufus

Now sadly we don't actually have a band called, "Wild Stallynz." However, I do believe that we can implement the same idea and save the world.

Step one: Lots and lots of speaker systems. This music needs to be broadcast all over the world. Maybe we'll employ a few hundred thousand blimps, fit them with massive speakers, and just strategically place them over cities and such.

Step two: Ultimate Mix Cd's. I see there being 3 different groups that would play at all times: Enya, Simon and Garfunkel, and Bob Marley.

Step three: Watch the terrorists come out of their caves with regretful looks on their faces. Watch the gangs stop fighting and start hugging. Watch Tupac and Biggy rise from their graves and collaborate.

You think Momar Quadaffi (sp?) would be shootin at rebels or the rebels shooting at Quadaffi if they had Bob Marley's "One Love" blasting down from the skys? I tells you they'd be HUGGIN!

Guy steals a lady's purse...stops in mid stride as the climax of "Bridge over Troubled Water" gets belted out by Simon and Garfunkel (whom will be referred to from here on out as "S-drizzle and G-funk"), turns around with tears in his eyes and takes the purse and the woman out to lunch at a moderately priced buffet...and tips at 23%

Man lifts his hand to strike his wife and instead decides to leave the house to cool off. He jumps on a boat and "sails away sails away sails away..." to Enya.

The holy trinity of Marley, S-Drizzle and G-Funk, and Enya would heal all wounds and give birth to a happier world...until someone throws on Master of Puppets by Metallica as a joke and the world falls into chaos.

This is my vision...

I employed this tactic today as I had a student who, according to his paper, wanted to $%#%% %$%##$$# all rich white %#$%%#%%$ in the area.

I had One Love playing when he entered the classroom today...

He left with a "we cool" and a handshake/fist bump.

Thanks for reading everyone, the fact that I have "followers" and that I get hits every day, makes me smile- JR

Resistance is not futile...I-resist the machines

2011-03-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

"Are you Sara Connor?"

"Yes..."

"BANG!"

Terminator 1 reference? CHECK!

I-have been questioned by co-workers and friends lately as to why I-am hesitating...no...refusing to go into the I-phone or I-pad craze. I-think that it's time to explainmyself.

I-currently have a great little t-mobile phone that has lasted me almost 3 whole years. It carries my music, some photos, videos, and it was FREE FREE FREE! I-don't play games on it because when I-received my phone I-found that all of the games were only demos. It costs money to download the full versions so I-decided not to waste the money or the time.

I-get enough minutes per month and unlimitted texts and I-find that to be just fine. It covers all of my wants and needs.

Now I-hear all about these I-phones and I-pads that people suddenly "need." I-guess that I-am insane because I-don't feel like I-need these things to function.

Aps? I-have lived 29 years wihtout aps and I-am fine. I-got a GPS for my car so I-can find my way around, and that's great right? Shouldn't that be enough?

"But with an I-pad you can do THIS!" "If you had an I-phone you could THAT!"

I-see how marvelous the angry birds are and I-think to myself, "If I-had that game I-would play that game all day long." I-realize that some aps make life so much easier and yet I-have decided not to use them as tools. Why?

Sitting on the couch watching tv and you have to go to the bathroom but you don't want to get up to use the toilet? There's an APP for that.

Get caught stealing watermellons from a blind lady's house? There's an APP for that.

I-see people walking around Walmart having conversations with their blut-tooth things. They look and sound like nut jobs.

"What? Yeah I know...TOTALLY! Yeah I-will be there at 5...yeah I-am at Walmart...buying Fruity Pebbles." The next time I-see someone doing this I-am going to start talking to myself too...only without the blue tooth.

"Yeah I'm not sure why but it's TOTALLY chaffing me! Yeah I know I thought I'd washed out the ear-mites but they are driving me crazy...no I don't remember your Grandmother popping out of a birthday cake in her birthday suit, I blocked that from my memory."

As far as I-pads go, I-feel like I-am walking around the Star Ship Dork-a-prise on Star Trek. Nerds walking around with little computer screens. I-know I-know, "but Justin, you are a huge Star Wars/Sci-fi geek, why not embrace this?" I-will tell you why. I-bust my butt and work two jobs, the second or "extra" of which is incredibly stressfull. I-feel that my money is better spent on food and other essentials than on a phone that does everything for me with a data plan that costs $30 extra bucks a month.

I-love blu-ray, I-love HD, but this whole push button society is going too far.

So no, I-don't care how fun Angry Birds is.

No I don't want to do video calling, (I make many calls from my toilet, you don't want to see it, trust me. That being said, please don't assume that if you are on the phone with me that I'm on the pot).

You realize what the phone company is doing to you right? The same thing as the tobacco companies.

They got you hooked, and now you can't live without it, so the price goes up a bit, the apps get pricier, and the I-tunes songs go from 99 cents to 1.29...

I-am just not going to start smoking in the first place, and if the phone company says that I-need a data plan in order to have a cell phone? Then I-am getting a freaking land line- JR

Dear World: I Refuse to Grow Up...Sorta

2011-03-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm 29 years old...

I find the occasional gray hair popping through my black, dreamy hair...

I have a wife...

I have 2 kids...

I have 2 jobs...

I pay the bills... (well my money does, technically my lovely wife does the online payment thing)

Yesterday I interviewed with a prestigious university (where Jimmer goes) for Grad school

I've sued someone before...

I have credit cards....

I have attended my 10 year high school reunion...

I'm technically a grown up...

THAT BEING SAID!

I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R' Us kid!

I play ultimate Frisbee with students and teachers on Fridays in the field!

I collect comic books, that's right, I collect and enjoy reading comic books! (Call em graphic novels if that sounds more mature)

Tomorrow night, my friends and I are going to see Sucker Punch at MIDNIGHT! You heard me, my students will be sleeping and I'll be watching girls with samurai swords destroy giant robots and evil mechanical Nazi creatures!

I still wear rock and roll t-shirts, ripped jeans, and play my bass guitar

I enjoy cartoons

I like to eat Captain Crunch with Butterfinger bars crumbled up at the bottom of the bowl.

I probably know more about the Star Wars universe than George Lucas does.

I tell stupid jokes

Today I gave a kid extra credit. His presentation on guitars was utterly awful so I told him, "play a song if you wanna get a decent grade on this." "All I know is metal," he said. So I told him, "then play Master of Puppets by Metallica." He did...he got more points.

The other day a co-worker said something to the effect of "I wish I knew how you had so much energy." The easy answer would be caffeine, but I HAVEN'T TOUCHED SODA IN ALMOST 4 MONTHS!!! It's called a lust for life.

LET'S BE CLEAR THOUGH!

I take life very seriously. I know there is a time to be serious and a time to goof off. A time to cast away stones, a time to gaaaaaaather stoooooones together.

Here's what I DON'T want to have happen:

I don't want to go through a day of my life without making somebody laugh...hysterically

I don't want to become so involved in my work that my kids think I'm boring

I don't want to say, "hmmm a midnight movie sounds awfully foolish, it will make me tired and I'M TOO OLD FOR THAT.

I don't want to look through my closet and say, "well I'll be dipped, this t-shirt with Ralph Wiggum on the front saying, "I bent my wookie" is in terrible taste...away with it!"

So Yeah,

I might be dedicating all of my time and efforts at two jobs and grad school coming up here. But between research papers, I'll be reading the latest issue of Deadpool or Uncanny X-Force.

After a long week full of papers and work and such, I'll be rewarding myself by checking out the newest "Sucker Punch-esque" movie at midnight and smiling the whole time.

I'm going to continue to occasionally scarf down multiple hot dogs and ramen. It was good enough for me at college, it's good enough for me now.

Peter Pan was a jerk in the movie Hook. Then he went to Neverland and he became a screw around putz. Finally he found the balance between the two.

That's where you'll find me...

In the Ruse of Fools- JR

I'm back in the game... the X-game

2011-03-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, from 5th grade to around 10th grade, comic book collecting was my hobby. My friends Tyson, Dave, and Jason, and my brothers, were geeking out on everything "X" ("Geek" is the new "Jock" by the way, if you didn't know). Of course my favorite books were X-men because they were the best in the business. After enduring years of ridicule (I'm sure they were just jealous that they didn't own as many as me) and financial strain, I walked away from it all. Partly because the product was in decline. Marvel had gone from awesome artwork and story, to really crummy art work and not much going on. The problem was that you couldn't just subscribe to one title... Example: I subscribed to Wolverine and you'd get to the end of an issue and it'd say, "story continued in X-force# 34 and then concludes in Uncanny X-men # 345. It was too much money and too much hassle. It was impossible to collect them when there was: Wolverine, Generation X, X-men, Uncanny X-men, X-Force, X-Factor, Cable, Excaliber, X-man, Deadpool, and a bunch of whatever in between.
Gone were the days of Adam and Andy Kubert, Mark Texeira, Joe Maduira, Jim Lee, and other stellar artists. Marvel had...for a time...lost their way. (Though the picture below is not an illustration of them losing their way. The Age of Apocalypse storyline remains one of the best they ever did.)

Over the years I'd occasionally see a comic book rack and see some artwork that looked impressive so I'd grab an issue or two, nothing too serious though. I recently went through my old collection in my closet at my folk's house. Wow, the memories they came a pouring back. I immediately went back to the local comic book shop and said, "catch me up, and then get me the following titles on a monthly basis: Dead Pool, Uncanny X-Force, and X-men."

Wolverine has been my favorite since the first time I saw the opening of the early 90's X-men cartoon. Dude is insanely cool. Currently the Wolverine book looks like garbage so I got Uncanny X-force instead which has him heading a team of some of my favorite mutants including: Deadpool, Psylocke, and Archangel. Dig the trailer for the book HERE.

The Deadpool books are just simply hilarious. Dude is all bad A looking and yet he tells stupid jokes throughout the books. He breaks the 4th wall (talks to the reader much like when Ferris Beuller would talk to the viewer) and it's just perfectly written.

Feels great to be back in the game. Please click on the above 2 pictures. I scanned them in so you could see how funny Deadpool is...took a lot of time to figure out the scanner...just saying. Oh ya know what? I'm going to post another Deadpool picture beneath here because I think it's funny. Especially if you were raised in the 90's. My wife just shakes her head and frowns disapprovingly (but I'm not the one who downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album this weekend am I! HA! Grown man reading Comics is less than and not equal to grown woman listening to Bieber!) but I love these characters, the art, the writing, and the experience. I wrote a letter to Stan Lee the other day to let him know that I love his product. I will forever make mine Marvel. - JR

There goes my hero

2011-03-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

My wonderful wife surprised me with tickets to go hear Aron Ralston speak at the University of Utah tonight. For those who don't know, that's the guy that 127 hours is based on...you know...the arm cut off guy.
Anyways, I drove up and met my friend Lane there. We drove over and sat next to my sister in law Lexi and her friend (practically a sister in law) Sydney.
He gave an incredible speech about the experience he'd gone through. He talked about the love he had for his family and for the son that appeared to him in a vision in the canyon, and now in reality runs around his house.
I was lucky enough to meet him when it was over. He was such a nice guy! The thing that I take away from his experience is to never give up. I've got some career challenges ahead of me and each time they sound frightening or difficult, I imagine a knife in my hand, hacking at my arm. Aron Ralston's words and experience have given me the skills to reach down and pour everything I have into succeeding. God Bless Aron Ralston for sharing his experience with the world- JR

3 things that Toy Story never explained.

2011-03-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

So my son has been watching Toy Story 1 and 2 on our DVR a lot lately. I've sat and watched with him and I find myself questioning things about the franchise that I never thought twice about when I watched these films growing up. I specifically have 3 issues I'd like resolved-

1. The Rules

In Toy Story 1, Woody tells the mutant toys that they are going to have to "break the rules a bit" in order to stop Sid from destroying Buzz Lightyear. I assume these rules have something to do with not being "alive" when kids are playing with you, but the real question is WHO implemented these rules? At what point did a toy actually write down a bill of rights or responsibilities or laws concerning toy activities? What is the penalty for breaking this law? Does He-Man show up and "show you the power" on the back of a flaming battle cat? This is why they need a prequel trilogy called "Toy Story: The Law"

2. What happened to Sid?

So if you're like me, you sat in the theater this summer during Toy Story 3 and you either did your best to hold back tears, or you straight up bawled at the ending. Andy had outgrown his toys and he was going to college...without them. Well that's all fine and dandy if your name is Andy, (that totally rhymed) but what about Sid Phillips, Andy's old neighbor? The last time we saw Sid he was completely freaking out about his toys coming to life (the toys done broke the law!) My guess is that his mental scarring and after effects that the audience wasn't treated to were horrific beyond comprehension. Now if I look at his back yard through a socio-economic lens, I can assume that their family wasn't the most affluent. This is based on the overall lack of lawn in their back yard. I could be wrong, but a backyard full of dirt and weeds speaks for itself. So I assume that he purged his room of all toys and sat in his bed rocking back and forth for days at a time. His mom finally gets concerned and takes him to a shrink. Sid has gone mute and can not speak of his problems. By the time Andy goes to college in part 3, Sid is locked up in an institution. He overdosed on drugs in an attempt to purge the memories from his brain. His little sister visits him once a month out of a need to fulfil a familial duty. Woody saved Buzz and made Andy happy...but in doing so has destroyed a human life. Now THAT should be against the "rules."

3. What's up with Andy's family?

Andy, his mom, and his sister and...that's all. Where is Dad? Are Andy and his sister half brother and sister, or do they share a similar father. Did he die? Do we ever hear of mom heading to the office or anything? These questions lead to a few options. Option 1: Dad died and the insurance from the accident is covering the home and other financial obligations. Maybe the money is running out and that's why the family is moving in the first one?

Option 2: Divorce. Children can put a great stress on a marriage. With the introduction of Andy's little sister, it's possible that Dad had had quite enough and preferred life on the road. (This would explain Andy receiving an expensive Buzz Lightyear figure, Mom's way of buying his love. Mom also tries to compensate by purchasing a Mrs. Potato-head for the little sister. Does anybody wonder why said female potato ends up in Andy's room? hmmmm).

Option 3: This is what really happened. So Sid's mom (single mother) became obsessed with Andy's dad. She flirted and flirted but to no avail. Finally, Sid's mom went overboard and killed Andy's father. Andy's mom is somehow under the assumption that he just left the family (things may have been rocky leading up to his disappearance.) The night before Andy's heartbroken (but visibly strong) mother is to move away from the neighborhood, she takes her son and daughter to "Pizza Planet." Sid's Mom (Mrs. Phillips) is so overburdened with grief that she follows her neighbor to the restaurant. Once there, Mrs. Phillips finds herself trapped between telling Andy's mom the truth which would lead to her having her kids taken away while she went to prison, or burying the secret deep in the recesses of her mind. In the end she opts to not tell Andy's mom the location of her husband's body...somewhere under the grass-less yard just next door. Sid's toys saw...they knew...but they didn't have the heart to tell Woody.

So yeah...I want some clarification there Disney/Pixar. Help me out?

I've been re-assigned!

2011-03-02T17:28:00.000-08:00

I received an email yesterday which sadly pronounced that my sci-fi/fantasy class next year was instead going to be a section of English 12.

If you read my previous blog about how excited I was to teach said class, you know that this was a devastating blow. A suckerpunch if you will.

(This picture represents my dream (the death star of classes) exploding after reading the email which ended my dream of teaching the Sci-fi/fantasy class)

Instead of 12th graders who are excited to be in a sci-fi/fantasy class, I'll be getting 12th graders who are just taking the class to take the class. This will basically be the same type of student I teach now- the "I have to be in this class" kind of student.

Was I discouraged? Yes

Am I one to dwell on discouragement? HELL NO!

I looked to my classroom wall and smiled at the mural of William Blake's "The Tyger" that I've recently commissioned from my students.

British literature includes some awesome poets that I'll draw heavily from.

I won't read Charles Dickens, I hate him. His books are terrible. Quick tell me which one of his novels I'm describing: It's about a tragic waif (poor orphan boy) who meets a bunch of rich people, there is drama, and in the end it turns out he's related to a bunch of the characters and he gets money/fortune.

So am I describing Oliver Twist? Great expectations? What?

Yep, all the same. Real original. I also can't stand Emily Dickinson because she's a whiny emo chick who played the pity card and stayed in her bedroom all the time. Her poetry sounds like crappy depressed 9th grader girl that nobody talks to because her personality is a real downer. But anyways...

The way I see it, I've been teaching 10th graders how to survive high school and set goals that help one become successful.

Now I have become the last guardian. I stand as protector of the outside world; my job: To make sure these kids hit the ground running.

Mr. Ormond lit a fire under me before I left high school. Can I lite a similar fire under these students? Can I lite a real fire in class and use it as an object lesson? Can we roast marshmallows? Starbursts? I digress.

I remember leaving Mr. Ormond's classroom with a head full of analytical tools and ideas that I'd never considered. Many of my current students can not think outside the box...or the bun. I think the idea of pushing the limits of where their minds can take them is scary.

When I ask, "what does this poem MEAN?" They shut down, tune out, and hide in the corner with their box of cereal and eat small portions.

I remember specifically that the lessons on the Renaissance were amazing. The dark ages were crippling mankind, until they learned how to think. Soon the printing press was educating the masses, rebellions arose, the man was challenged!

So they may call it British Lit, but in parenthesis they may as well call it, "Figure out what the blank I'm doing, it's time to grab life by the lips and yank with everything I've got- 101"

Musical Flashbacks

2011-02-28T17:24:00.000-08:00

You know those songs right? Those songs that play and you are suddenly transported 15 years back to a certain place and a certain moment?

It's an amazing thing. I'll get to a certain song, or just a small moment in a song, and bam! I can remember sights, feelings, locations, SMELLS, everything. I wonder why certain songs imprint in your head like that. It's like a musical flashback of sorts, and it has its positives and negatives.

Positives are that you can sometimes feel young again and remember what it was like to be 16 and smile. Negatives is that sometimes you listen to a song now and you think back to that musical flash back moment and you wish you had it back, you wish you were young again.

Examples:
I remember one night my friend Lane and a bunch of the scouts were camping out in the backyard of one of the leaders. We decided to meet at my place at 1:30 so that we could toilet paper...someone who subscribes to this blog who will remain nameless...so I stayed up all night waiting for the knock to come to my window. Well, he didn't show up til 3 or so...

What did I do for those many hours? I played Mariokart on the Super Nintendo and I listened to Meloncollie and the Infinite Sadness by the Smashing Pumpkins, and the blue album by 311. I recently threw a 311 mix into my cd player to listen to on the way to work and I totally get transported back to that night. In fact the other drivers are lucky that I'm not throwing green shells at them from my window.

I remember the months following my near death experience with my exploding car (a blog post for another day). The whole "I almost blew up and died" thing was weighing heavy on my brain. I remember sleeping out on my parent's tennis court (which at night was always super warm from the day spent in the sun) and listening to U2's best song they ever wrote... nope... not that one... not that one either... you are all wrong... it's off the Pop album and it's called, "If God will send his Angels." The haunting bass line in that song synched up with my soul as I stared at the stars in my back-yard. I can still smell the hot cement. I can still remember looking at the trees silhouette next to my neighbor's lights.

Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play... Freaking Smash Mouth. I hated that song, but it got stuck in your head and I remember it getting stuck in mine while I was fishing for Golden Trout on the back of Mt. Whitney in 1999. The danged things wouldn't bite...

I remember Stroke 9's little black back pack in Brent's basement.

I remember Oingo Boingo's "Dead Man's Party" on Lane's boat at the pier in Lake Mead.

I remember blasting "Rocket" by The Smashing Pumpkins on a day when the carpets had been cleaned and we couldn't walk around at home. I drove all over P.G. with that song on repeat.

(Big Pumpkins fan, sorry) I remember listening to Pumpkins' "Shame" with my window open and the rain falling. I can still smell the rain on the window sill. I was following along on my bass. It was a hazy blue outside...a dark blue.

I remember the Cure's "Maybe Someday" on the way to P.G. high after my photo class at Lone Peak.

I remember Gwen Stefani/Moby's "Southside" In Jack's old car on the way to my first 311 show.

I remember Heather Nova's "Walk this World" in the early morning hours of 8th grade on X-96.

Shoot, now I've got that U2 song permanently stuck in my head while I'm writing this. The old feelings are coming back. Here give it a listen on Groove Shark: http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/search?q=If%20God%20will%20send%20his%20angels

Tell me that song doesn't strike a chord. Just click on the one that says it's from the Pop album. But make sure to listen to it at night. Some songs just have more power at night.

Gee Bono...makin me cry here.

So give it a try. Think of the when and where, the who and what, of a song like... Sugar Ray's I just wanna fly!

Man I can remember exactly where I was... Where are you?

Thanks to all who have shown support lately for my book effort. God bless you if you saw fit to check it out. God bless you still if you sent words of support. Love to all- Reeves

Wait! My book is cheaper elsewhere!

2011-02-23T08:40:00.001-08:00

http://productsearch.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=chuck+and+lester%27s+fables&page=index&prod=univ&choice=allproducts&query=Chuck+and+Lester%27s+fables&flag=False&ugrp=0

My book is much cheaper at Barne's and Nobles. Stupid amazon! So if you DO want to buy it do it from there. Sorry if you already bought it at amazon.com

I've been Published

2011-02-21T19:07:00.001-08:00

Well, I've been published. Publish America saw fit to work with me and publish my manuscript for "Chuck and Lester's Fables."

http://www.amazon.com/Chuck-Lesters-Fables-Justin-Reeves/dp/1456051970/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298337861&sr=8-1

It's just cool to be able to type my name into Amazon.com and find something I did. I know it's probably not going to sell much, if any, other than a few pity purchases from kind family and friends, but that's not the reason I did this.

I undertook this project to prove to myself that I could start something and finish it (gearing up for grad school) and it turns out that I can. I'm really proud of the cover. They designed it. They asked in an email, "What do you want your cover to look like?" I replied, "A picture of a confused monkey reading my book."

I'm pretty pumped about it. Thanks for everyone's support. I'll blog on it again when Hollywood buys the rights.

JR

Direct to DVD!!!

2011-02-16T14:19:00.001-08:00

Remember back when you were ignorant and the announcement of an Aladin 2 was the greatest thing you'd ever heard?

What? A sequel? To the BESTEST DISNEY MOVIE EVER!?

Eagerly we awaited the release of the VHS to end all VHS's.

Alas, Robin Williams was nowhere to be found, the animation was sub-par, and if I recall correctly, Aladin's character was besmirched by terrible choices. I guess you assume that after the first one the characters will have all learned what to do and what not to do and would live happily ever after with no more blemishes on their record. Not so.

Well, we all went out and bought Aladdin 2 so of course Aladdin 3 wasn't far behind. The return of Robin Williams as the voice of Genie couldn't save it.

Then Disney went insane and brought us the following:

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas (A little bit Jewish exlusive)

Belle's Magical World (Spell was broken, magic was gone, what is still magical?)

Pocahontas II: The Journey to a New World (She brings the raccoon, black plague spreads like wildfire)

The Lion King II: Simba's Pride (Isn't a lion's pride its group of females that it breeds with? Is this a movie about Simba making Nala feel like a polygamist wife?)

The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (I'm guessing the marriage with Eric doesn't work out so it's kind of a catch and release thing? Judging by the cover, Eric is completely horrified that his daughter is born with fins and a tail "MY DAUGHTER IS A FREAAAAK!" The chef chases the girl around trying to cook her...classic stuff)

Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure (Tramp named his kid Scamp? That's like a lady named Jezabelle naming her daughter Harlot...not going to end well)

Cinderella II: Dreams Come True (I thought they already came true...what was left unresolved you selfish greedy woman!? What, did Gus Gus not get his or something?)

The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (Still ugly, still sad...no interest)

101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure (This sounds like a National Lampoons sequel...probably fairly dirty)

Atlantis: Milo's Return (Never saw the first one, I have no idea who Milo is...isn't that the dog from "The Mask?")

The Lion King 1 1/2 (Ummmmmm 1 1/2? You serious? What did we miss some awkward puberty episodes when he was hanging out with the meer cat and the boar? So unnatural!)

Mulan II (Still fighting for woman's rights, this time starring Jack Black as a lovable panda bear)

TarzanII (Subtitle was originally Tarzan II: The loin cloth of knowledge...it was rejected)

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch (Stitch has a Glitch? Son of a...something...)

Kronk's New Groove (How much more groove could you possibly need? You ended the original teaching squirrel language to scouts! You've got your groove, no need for a new one)

Bambi II (I'm guessing man is still in the forest...Bambi befriends the bears and tears the hunters limb from limb in their sleep. Very hard PG-13 rating)

Brother Bear 2 (I'm vaguely aware of a first one bombing in the theaters...they made a second?)

The Fox and the Hound 2 (I'm sure their kids have the exact same adventure they had...how charming...NOT!)

Cinderella III: A Twist in Time (From the title I'm guessing that Cinderella goes back in time and has to make her parents fall in love at the ball. She messes with time and her dad accidentally falls in love with her. In the end she plays Johnny B. Good for the ball attendees and goes back to the future where all is well...and by well I mean she still lives in squalor with her step-mother. Probably would have been wiser to go back and tell dad to lay off the red meat so he'd still be kicking in the future)

The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning (Ewwww....I'm guessing she hatches out of a bunch of eggs just like on finding Nemo. Half of her siblings get gobbled up by larger predator fish and there's an awkward sequence when she gets her training shells)

Look folks, fact is there is only one franchise that can legitimately release direct to dvd releases and have them rock...and that's the Tremors franchise.

Blowing up graboids, shooting them as they evolve, and now I hear there's a 5th one in the works with Kevin Bacon reprising his role!? AWESOME!

Word to the wise: If it's a direct to dvd release and it does not feature Tremors in some shape or form...RUN!

Sick Day!

2011-02-09T17:31:00.000-08:00

When most people get sick they start to curse the world and get angry at their misfortune. However, I usually get slightly excited because that means I get to stay home from school! And now that I'm an adult it means a paid day off work!

Tonight I have the following symptoms:

Clogged sinuses- which contributes to headaches and such
My eyes burn- probably cause I'm currently at work in a basement full of teens and their odors

Sore Throat- not TOO sore, but enough to get that itch that drives you crazy and makes you cough.

Swollen Glands- I feel like somebody surgically implanted two hardboiled eggs in my neck.

Now back in the day this meant one thing: I don't have to share the Nintendo.

Remember those days? Your siblings go to school, you get a hot bowl of chicken soup and park yourself in front of the 8-bit NES or Super Nintendo and you never had to take turns? I loved those days. Siblings would get home and you'd be all up in their grill with, "cough cough I beat that level of Battle of Olympus that we could never beat...wheeez...gag...cough...it was...cough...EPIC!"

Sadly, though I feel like I'm knocking on death's door, I have a lot of responsibilities tomorrow. I have a report to write, a lesson plan that is found ONLY on my laptop, and I just can't let my students get taught by a sub in the midst of the research project.

So I hang my head high, low, whatever, and go to work where I'll cough on my students and infect them as revenge for whomever gave me this nasty bug...COUGH COUGH!

I need your input on this one folks

2011-02-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

So I work two jobs. I teach in a public school, and a private school for troubled teens. I think I'm getting a handle on this generation. Man I'm glad I was born when I was (actually I wish I'd been born 5-6 years earlier so that I could have fully experienced the 80's. I was born in late 81, and though I love that era, I would have loved going to high school then and graduating in the class of 88, viva la Boingo).

Point is, I see the struggle these kids are going through and I want to start a school of my own for special cases that I've come across.

1. The Gamers
Now I'm the first one to admit that I LOVE video games...in small quantities. I can sit and play through Mega Man 2 or Adventure Island like it's nobodies business. Teens today however, play upwards of 20+ hours per week. (That's a part time job folks). Their health is failing because they spend hours in a darkened basement playing games that are quite a bit more addicting/violent than good old Contra. Social skills are failing, kids are withdrawing from reality, and parents are getting stuck with adults living in their basement saving the world from orcs. It's now a diagnosable disorder: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/video-game-addiction-no-fun

2. The Depressed and Bullied
Kids are sad. The divorce rate is up, the economy is bad, and this generation's cartoon selection SUCKS. As in all generations, there is bullying. Some of this bullying is going beyond what you could possibly fathom. The homophobic rhetoric and name calling is causing some serious damage to these kids.

My solution: I want to start a private school for kids who are out of shape, depressed, addicted to video games, etc. They would stay at the facility 24/7. Here's how it'd work. Wake up, and hit the gym. Students will spend the morning toning up, lifting weights, running on treadmills, all followed by a HEALTHY breakfast. I've been researching how self esteem relates to physical activity. These kids are going to get in SHAPE

School would require a minimum of a B to pass the classes. School would go from 10-4:30, followed by a healthy dinner. Evenings would be full of sporting events/trip prep, and outdoors training (map reading, survival, etc).

Every weekend would be a trip. This Friday we're going to Southern Utah to hike the narrows. This weekend we're snow shoe-ing. This weekend we're mountain biking. This weekend we're hiking the Uintahs to a hard to find lake to fish. etc

The result of this would be a booster shot right in the self esteem artery. I found growing up that I felt good about myself based a lot on the fact that my folks took my camping every summer and we conquered nature. If a kid had a shot to improve their physical abilities, get good grades, and interact with other kids who are struggling with the same issues, they'd come out of there ready kick life square in the @$$.

So this is my idea. This is my goal. I wanna start this thing cause I'm sick of watching kids fall to the way-side when they are perfectly capable of rocking life to the fullest.

What are some of the ideas you have that could help make this school work? Make a good enough suggestion and I might just hire you.- JR

13...very unlucky. Someone needs to be the Bilbo to my dwarves!

2011-02-02T16:30:00.000-08:00

I have 13 followers...
When Gandalf (insert nerdy snort) decided to accompany the dwarves to the Lonely Mountain for the gold, he stopped by Hobbiton to get Bilbo, the 14th member.

Don't leave me stranded guys...just click the "follow" button. I promise to try and make my posts less senseless.

Ok so I don't promise that...that's a promise I just can't keep.
We can chaulk that one up there with, "I'll cut down on my football viewing, I'll stop eating taco bell, and I'll not be renewing the Bush Tax Cuts."

So I was showing my students how to write a research paper on the overhead projector yesterday, and I was trying to show them how to make interesting titles as opposed to just titling the paper whatever the subject matter was like: "Titanic." That isn't a very interesting title, you know what is? "Glub Glub Glub, the story of Titanic."

I had a student whose paper is on JFK. They said, "What do I title it other than JFK?"

I replied: "JFK: One of America's Greatest Minds...All Over The Car."

Too soon?
How about the student who said, "I'm doing mine on Helen Keller"

I replied: "... .. ... .. .. .. .... .. .. The Helen Keller Story"

Then I just started throwing whatever I could think on the big screen.

"This is Why We Let Men Drive: The Amelia Earhart Story" (totally joking of course)

"Retribution for bad Anime: The bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki"

I love my job...these kids are great!

In other news my book proofs just came back, I'll show you pictures as soon as the prints are ready and I'll supply you with the isbn number in case you want to own something that makes you THAT much cooler!

Who's going to be that 14th follower?

Dystopian Novel Anyone?

2011-01-31T18:11:00.000-08:00

So this seems to be a popular genre now-a-days. "The Dystopian Novel!" You want a definition? FINE!

The utopia and its offshoot, the dystopia, are genres of literature that explore social and political structures. Utopian fiction is the creation of an ideal world, or utopia, as the setting for a novel. Dystopian fiction is the opposite: creation of a nightmare world, or dystopia. Many novels combine both, often as a metaphor for the different directions humanity can take in its choices, ending up with one of two possible futures. Both utopias and dystopias are commonly found in science fiction and other speculative fiction genres, and arguably are by definition a type of speculative fiction.

So yeah, like "The Giver" "The Hunger Games" and other novels where there is some weird twist that makes us examine our humanity and current issues. I think it'd be fun to write one. But what would the Dystopian twist be?

1. Every 5 years an exam is given to the inhabitants of the earth. If you are found to have either a stagnant or declining IQ, they kill you...or make you all live together on a single continent.

2. A world where children rule. From the ages of 4-7, children are the world's leaders. Things go as they say. Only one 8 year old has plans for the regime.

3. There is no cheese. I'm talking NOWHERE. There are only hamburgers and nachos come covered in mayo. There is only one man who knows the secrets for cheese making and the catch is...he's a deaf mute!

4. Hamsters rule the world. Humans run around in little wheels to generate electricity for the hamster raves. We have to get our water out of those little pet water bottle things with the marble in it spout. The human resistance mounts an attack.

5. Emotions have been banned...again...and somebody learns to use emotion...again.

6. There is a massive water shortage. People fight in the desert world for what little moisture they can find. Instead of rain, there is doughnut glaze that falls from the sky and makes things STICKY!

7. All celebrities are attending the Academy Awards and are killed by tourists. Suddenly regular shmoes like you and I have to star in the movies/tv. DUN DUN DUN!

8. Instead of marrying the person of our choice, we are forced to create a robot bride or groom. They have USB ports in their under arms and they have wi-fi too. At the age of 21 you marry. At the age of 26 you get to decide if you want to keep the robot bride (perfect robot bride that you created) or marry some random girl who may or may not have cold sores all over her face.

9. Oprah dances wearing only the bottom half of a chicken suit in the rain...not sure how that is Dystopian, but there it is.

So yeah. The future is all messed up, people survive, and it somehow makes a Newbury award winner for kids. English Teachers have heart attacks from excitement at the chance to point out humanity's flaws, and some author...me...gets rich. BADA BING BADA BOOM!

I feel like airing out all of my COMPLAINTS!

2011-01-26T18:03:00.000-08:00

Arby's is too expensive!

Taco Bell is delicious but their food causes intestinal remorse!

Playstations and X-Box are too expensive!

Cereal doesn't have cool prizes any more!

The rent is TOO DAMN HIGH!

Ben Roethlesburger is going to the Super Bowl AGAIN!

My pants keep getting holes in the knees and my wife throws them out!

My students at night school are gassy and I'm in a small room with no ventilation!

The Jazz are playing like CHUMPS!

My stomach hair keeps getting caught on my belt...and it HURTS!

Cartoons now-a-days are freaking LAME! Where the Loony Tunes at?

My dishwasher is SKETCHY!

Movie theaters are getting too Expensive!

I didn't realize how much I'd want my original Star Wars toys when I was a little kid and now I only have a handful of them LEFT!

Betty White is just a name, she was on like ONE show about old ladies and now she's super FAMOUS! WHY NOT ME?! I'M STILL YOUNG! TAP INTO THIS TALENT NOW, NOT WHEN I'M 85!!!

Gas is too PRICEY!

They keep pushing the remake of RED DAWN back!

Possums aren't as cute as DISNEY makes them out to be! They are freaking CREEPY!
In the movies they play banjos and smile a lot. Have you ever actually SEEN one of these things? They're like those nasty creatures from the Critters movies!

I-15 still has a bunch of stupid POT HOLES!

Jodie Sweetin that played Stephanie Tanner on Full House never responded to MY LOVE LETTER that I wrote in 3rd GRADE!

I haven't been to Disneyland for 12 YEARS!

The RENT is still TOO DAMN HIGH!

I hate RE-RUNS!

I hate that there is some kind of GLUE or WAX on the toilet at my school and every time I go to use it I have to move my head to different angles to see if it's pee or wax/glue STUFF!

Hot dogs come in packs of 10 and buns come in a STUPID PACK OF 8! I have to buy 4 packs of dogs and 5 packs of buns to make it all work out and I can't eat 40 hot dogs before the BUNS go BAD!

Like my students LIKE say LIKE after LIKE everything they like say when they like raise their like hands! LIKE!

The shirt I'm wearing keeps coming UN-TUCKED!

The other day I tried to make ramen noodles by draining the water out of the pan and then stirring in the FLAVOR PACKETS! It tasted TERRIBLE!

I still don't own a DARTH VADER/STORMTROOPER/ or BOBA FETT Costume!

3-d Movies are LAME! STOP MAKING EVERYTHING IN 3-D!!!

I live an hour away from Sundance and I've never GONE!

I hate when you eat OREOS and then you have no milk to WASH IT DOWN! THAT IS THE WORST!

I don't like BOLOGNA anymore! I used to LOVE IT! WHAT HAPPENED!?

I hate when I get a shrimp that still has the turd VEINY THING IN IT!

People still think Mullets are LEGIT!

I can't speak SPANISH!

and finally,

THE RENT IS JUST TOO....DAMN...HIGH!

(even though I don't pay rent, I pay a mortgage, and it is reasonably priced...)

Top Ten Song Intro's

2011-01-24T18:49:00.000-08:00

My good friend Chad likes to make top ten lists. Movies, soundtracks, etc etc. I used to watch those VH1 top 100: Rock songs, Pop songs, Bands, etc etc and often found their choices to be of poor quality. I almost went balistic when Blender Magazine had the top 50 worst bands and they included The Doors and Oingo Boingo... (Seriously? Are you nuts?) They did however redeem themseleves JUST SLIGHTLY by including The Insane Clown Posse and Creed.

I thought tonight that I'd float out a top ten list which I've been building in my mind for years.

THE TOP TEN SONG INTRO'S!

You know how sometimes the first 20 seconds or so of a song are just wicked cool and pull you in to the tune like a cowboy roping a steer? I'll start at 10 and work to one though I'm blogging on the seat of my pants here so not a lot of thought to the order.

10. Sound of Silence- Simon and Garfunkle
If you've seen the Graduate you know that this song is debuted as Ben is floating dumbly down the walkway at the airport. This song (as with many songs) sounds really cool if you listen to it at night. A few creepy notes followed by a perfectly harmonized: "Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk to you again...." So beautiful. Top 5 songs I've ever seen performed live.

9. What's the Frequency Kenneth- R.E.M.
All I can do is sing the first bar to you.. DA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAAAA NA NAAAAAAAA NAAAA NAAAAAAAA BOOOM CHING What's the frequency Kenneth...
There is no better way to start a Saturday morning than with this song blazing in your car as you go off to do errands. Trick is that you must be alone. Having other people in the car is awkward cause let's face it, I don't know the rest of the lyrics so I just sing whatever comes to mind.

8. My Name is Jonas- Weezer
This was the first rock album I owned. I'll never forget the first time I fired up the huge stereo speakers in my brother's room and heard the cool little accoustic picking accelerate into an explosion of MY NAME IS JONAS DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! I can't think of anyone who doesn't like Weezer. And if you don't like them, you at least love the Blue album.

7. People of the Sun- Rage Against the Machine
I saw this song performed live. Tom Morello is a crazy good guitarist, and he plays this riff with an Alan Wrench (sp?) After a few times of the "Dana na na NA NA Dana na na NA NA" the drums come in super strong beat and Zach de la Rocha hits the "yeah people COME ON!" What a great intro to a great song. I used to really like Rage, but then I got into politics and realized that though the music was great, they are way out in left field politically.

6. Welcome to the Jungle- Guns and Roses
Wish I knew how to post song intros, but I don't have to because you all KNOW this one. The guitar starts...and stops....STARTS...and stops...but then we finish the whole riff, Axel howls, and then DA NA NA NA NA NA SHA! We're into the main riff and we get "Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games..." I actually started answering the phone like that for a while.

5. When the Levee Breaks- Led Zeppelin
What? not Stairway? Nope, I think Stairway is nice and all, but the drums that start this song off are incredibly eerie. They recorded this song in an old haunted house. They put the drums in the hallway and put the microphones all around the house to get the effect. This one might not come to your memory quickly. If not, it's worth the download or the sampling. Point is, the first 20 or so seconds of this song are bad A!
4. Blind- Korn
DA NA NA NA..........DA NA NA NA......DA NA NA NA (dun dun dun dun BOOOOOM) DA NA NA NA.....DA NA NA NA (dun dun dun dun BOOOOOOM) DA NA NA NA...DA NA NA NA....DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DA NA NA NA DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DA NA NA NA DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DA NA NA NA ARRRRRE YOU REAAAAAAAAADY!?
Yeah I don't have to say anything more than what I just typed.

3. Personal Jesus- Depeche Mode
Ding Ding.....(echo builds slowly with Dave Gahan's voice) RRRRRRRREACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH! And then that guitar riff pops in there with possibly the best guitar riff ever invented. Like all great Depeche Mode songs, this one just builds and builds and adds heavier beats and sounds until your head is just exploding with trying to comprehend what is going on. This is also top 5 songs ever performed live for me. It is an experience.

2 1/2. Dead Man's Party (best of Boingo Version) Oingo Boingo
I finished my list and realized that one of my favorite songs of all time is not on the list. There are two versions of this song. One is the original release which started with a cool guitar riff, the other, which I enjoy only slightly more, starts with the blaring Oingo Boingo horn section. DA NA NA DA NA NA NA.....Dun dun dun dun dun...da na na na. Then the guitar comes in....some odd drumb beats...and, "All dressed up with nowhere to go, walking with a dead man over my shoulder...and it just breaks into the dead coming to life and getting down like nobodies business. So amzaing. Great song to blast as loud as possible.

2. Today/Bullet with Butterfly wings/Zero- Smashing Pumpkins
K as you can see, this top ten list is skewed cause I'm a huge Pumpkins fan and these may not make other lists...well actually there is no denying that the opening of "Today" doesn't belong on everyone's list. The first 9 notes ring in like a beautiful chime and then crescendo (sp?) into a thunderous wall of "Boston-esque" guitars that forge that chime into an ocean of power and....
And I'm going to leave it at that. Let's just say that starting a song with, "The World is a Vampire" followed by scary bass and drums is perfection and the screeching melodious wrenching of the opening to Zero are a thing of beauty to disenchanted teens.

1. Break on Through- The Doors
This has been my number one pick in my head for years. Starts with the cool blues/jazzy symbols...moves seamlessly into the organ playing the killer riff of "Da na NA na NA nana NA na" The guitar hops in and then Morrison appears out of nowhere with, "You know the day destroys the night....Night divides the day...try to run...try to hide....BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE. And the song just goes freaking NUTS! I LOVE this opening. You'd be hard pressed to find a song to equal this one.

These are my top ten...I know I missed literally HUNDREDS of possibilities for this list. Usher's "YEAH"---- Metallica's "Sad But True"---- and so many more. But I had to get these down on paper...errr blog so that I could at least get a feel for it. Anyone else wanna chime in? Seriously which songs did I miss here. Baby got back? Beautiful day? Dig it- Reeves

I had a wicked cool dream last night!

2011-01-19T15:49:00.000-08:00

Hiiiiighway to the danger zone!
Last night I had this wicked cool dream that faded from memory and then abruptly returned with MUSIC and images flooding back into my conscience.

So there I was, in my F-15 WOOOOOOSH!
Suddenly the foreign powers (no idea which country they were from) arrived with all of their "migs" and machine guns-a-blazing.

Highway to the danger zone starts playing and as I look to my left I see Val Kilmer (Iceman) and to my right I see Maverick (Tom Cruise).

I was launching missiles, going into precision dives, and lighting up the migs with my machine guns.

Now THAT's what I'm talking about brain. See sometimes my brain thinks, "hmmm I'll give Justin a stupid dream that's boring, lame, or stressfull." Not this time. This time I was flying a fighter jet and blowing things up. I dig that. I dig them dreams when I get to blow things up with Maverick and Iceman.

Luckily I wasn't treated to a lame dream sequence where we all played volleyball with our shirts off. That would have ruined my night. And now I bid thee farewell and leave you with the lyrics that had my sleep disheveled mind feeling the need....the need for SPEED!

Danger Zone
By Kenny Loggins

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone

Headin' into twilight
Spreadin' out her wings tonight
She got you jumpin' off the track
And shovin' into overdrive

Highway to the Danger Zone
I'll take you
Right into the Danger Zone

You'll never say hello to you
Until you get it on the red line overload
You'll never know what you can do
Until you get it up as high as you can go

Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity

Highway to the Danger Zone
Gonna take you
Right into the Danger Zone

Highway to the Danger Zone

Dream Jobs

2011-01-12T18:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a teacher. I freaking love being a teacher, but the paycheck, she aint so generous ya know what I mean? I'm taking steps to further my education, and in so doing, further my pay check, but what would my dream jobs be if I could suddenly break into another profession and rock that thing?

1- Writer for SNL, or some other comedy show.
I watch Saturday Night Live pretty much every week, but I don't watch it for the same reason as most people. Sure I wanna laugh, but I also want to improve my method of writing. I think that the genius writers on that show must have the most kickin job in the history of the world. Andy Sandberg sits down, writes a weird song for his digital short, then he gets to act like a total fool on tv and he gets paid big bucks to do it. I want to write for SNL. I think that if you gave me the week's headlines and 3 days in an office, I could make a great "Weekend Update" skit. Who were the geniuses behind that skit with the weird girl on the Lawrence Welk Show? In fact I once had this great idea to do a Twilight parody where instead of a vampire it was a Frankenstein... I should have submitted it somewhere cause SNL was there a few months after I had the idea. Dang it all.

2- Sports Radio Personality
I love sports, and I really love sports radio. I love the analytical approach that each radio/tv personality brings to the table. I love listening to Jim Rome. The guy is hilarious. I've laughed harder at his show than every Adam Sandler/ Jim Carey movie combined. There is a culture within the program where the clones (listeners) get into inside jokes and language that the casual listener just doesn't get. Jim's take on Grandpa Joe from Willy Wonka being a coward had me in tears. "It's not your ticket old man, it's Chuck's. He pulled the ticket out, not you, you coward, you just sat in bed watching the Price is Right for 20 years and suddenly you are up dancing." I love talking the NBA and I really love talking the NFL. I think i'd do a pretty good job at this gig, however I'd have to start off at the 2-6 a.m. time slot and build a following of over caffeinated truckers.

3- Photographer
I've been taking pictures for years and feel like I'm a pretty good shot, but I want more. I want to have all the lights and equipment that I desire. I want to do photo shoots for Vanity Fair or Rolling Stone. I want to come back from my Yellowstone trips with really incredible pieces of art, not snapshots that I think look good but pale in comparison to the professional stuff. I want to sit under the basket of the NBA finals and get a picture of Lebron James dunking over Chris Mullen. (Chris Mullen? That's a heck of a reference there Reeves). I want to be the man with the golden eye!

4- Trailer maker
This came to me the other day. I've seen some movie trailers (previews) this year that were better than actual full length films. I think it would be AWESOME to get a film a year before the release, watch it, love it, and then make notes as to where to cut and what to use. I get to select the music, the shots, and everything inbetween. This my friends would be a heck of a job. Plus I could offer my own voice as the "movie guy" voice. "(gruffly) In a land where no man can find peace. In a station wagon with no A.C. One man...one desire....the 5 dollar box at Taco Bell..."

Why so serious?

2011-01-10T15:15:00.000-08:00

My aim in life is to put smiles on the faces of others while I try to make my way through the world. If I can make another's day easier, then I feel happy. I think that my cheerful light-heartedness can sometimes come off as "I'm all goofy all the time." Not so.

I had a meeting today with my English department. We learned a great way to teach writing where we read an article and then tried to emulate a certain portion of it using our own voice and words.

I gave it a try and though I didn't take offense to it, my department thought mine was trying to be funny. I hadn't intended that, in fact I'd been deadly serious about it, but oh well. So I thought tonight I'd blog about something that's been weighing on my mind lately that's more in the serious relm.

Winners and losers...our world is full of them. While I watched my son approach his gifts on Christmas morning with a look of glee in his eye and a bounce to his step, my heart slowly began breaking. "My son is so happy right now, but all over the world there are kids waking up to absolute heartbreak," I thought.

For every child who happily got what he wanted and more, there is a child somewhere whose parents couldn't afford gifts. There are families whose presents lay unopened for weeks because of an unexpected death right before the holiday.

While watching sports, a true fan cheers for the opposing team to choke and lose the game in spectacular fashion. Well if you are on the winning side of that experience then that's awesome, however if you are on the losing side...

I watched this year as Boise State played Nevada. If Boise won, it would mean a BCS berth and literally milliions of dollars for the university. All they had to do was kick an easy fieldgoal. The kicker missed so they went to over time. In over time the kicker had another chance to hit a crucial field goal...he missed again. Nevada hit a chip shot and that was it. The Wolfpack fans stormed the field and the Boise State kicker, in tears, walked off a defeated human being. He'll probably never recover from that moment. I felt actual pain in my soul for that guy.

So remember, for every great gift you receive, every game winning shot you or your team makes, and for every great day you have with a friend or family member,
-There is someone out there who got no gift, missed the last second shot, or cried themselves to sleep because of the loss of a friend or family member.

It is for the folks who are down that I act the way I do. You may have missed a shot, but I'm there to tell a corny joke to try to make it all better. It's the best I can do.

Women are like books

2011-01-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

So the other day in a meeting, don't ask me how cause I can't remember, my colleagues and I began discussing and extended metaphor that compares women with books. So here it goes.

Women and books-

The old saying "you can't judge a book by its cover" is supposed to be legit cause it's an "old saying." Well it's true...most of the time. On occasion though, you can look at a book's cover and judge it exactly as it is. In fact sometimes you can look at a book and say, "that looks ok" when in fact the book is incredibly bad and full of mindless garbage.

Of course it's a socially unacceptable to judge a person by their looks, but we all do anyways. Some women look hot, but are incredibly simple and annoying. Some are not as "aesthetically pleasing" but marvelous treasures may await behind their stone cold gaze. Of course there is everything inbetween as well, but this is just a small sampling.

Library books are well read and slightly worn from being passed from patron to patron. It's nice to read, but nobody wants to buy a used library book. Germs. You can always tell a library book from the big stamp on it.

Women with tramp stamps tattooed on their backs are also a sure sign that they're easy to check out, have been passed around a lot, and you probably don't want to own or settle down with one.

Books sometimes contain chapters that aren't very interesting. For example: Moby Dick had a 20+ page chapter which was basically just a discussion on whale species...I still love the book, but I just can't stand that chapter.

Women, like books, are never going to be completely perfect. Each woman/story has a "whale species chapter" that you have to endure, but regardless of the occasional flaws, Moby Dick is still one of my all time favorite novels. Women with flaws are the norm. Get over it and enjoy the book. For though the difference between a hump back whale and an orca may bore you, there's always a great harpooning action sequence at the end where Ahab figuratively goes down with a giant man eating metaphor. Sadly some men only accept the perfect book, which doesn't exist, so they die alone never having read the adventure of their lives.

Books are great to hold and be with. Reading a book can be one of the most enjoyable things to do on a Sunday afternoon. Now people are reading books on kindle...and it's not the same.

Women are great to hold and be with. Sunday afternoon with a woman is ten times better than Sunday afternoon with football (Unless the woman wants to watch football with you). Now-a-days men have stopped being with real women and are instead infatuated with electronic versions. Texting/Facebooking/etc has replaced the fun awkwardness of trying to hold on to a book with one hand while eating a snack with the other. We may say that we "read" the book, but all you did was look at an electronic device...it wasn't real.

Some books are exciting and thrill the reader. Life and limb is risked, guns are fired, space-ships are blown up etc etc. While some books are written by British people, and nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING happens. People talk, and talk and talk and in the end, someone dies of natural causes and people drink tea.

Some women are exciting and you wake up thinking, "boy oh boy I get to be with that woman today." Other women are boring and make you want not call them for a few weeks. You take them about because they are a girl, but they are as boring as C-span.

That's about all I have tonight. I'll probably get a lot of feminist slams because this may be degrading to women, however I'm only writing this because I was told to by my colleagues. I could just as easily write one about men. In fact, why don't you leave a comment with your own, "Men are like books" lines.
Here I'll get you started.
Men are like books because the older they get, the more they sit around and do nothing but gather dust and look handsome when displayed.
JR

My Top 5 flicks of 2010

2011-01-03T15:42:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again when the critics throw out their top ten lists for the year. Some people trust the critics, others are skeptical, but what it all comes down to is recommendations from friends right? I'm your friend...trust me on these

In no particular order:

1. True Grit
From the time that I saw the preview in...must have been September...til I sat down in my seat on my birthday on Dec. 22nd, I was extremeley pumped for this film. Maybe it was the awesome trailer that included Johnny Cash singing "cut ya down." Maybe it was desire to see Jeff Bridges continue to rain dominance on the title of actor. Whatever it was, the film straight up rocked. The girl who played "Maddie Ross" was insanely good for her age. For a tough gritty western, it sure had quite a few scenes packed with comedy and really well crafted dialogue. The Coen brothers are geniuses when it comes to making movies. See also "Oh Brother Where art Thou?"

2. Inception
Wow...a dream within a dream within a...I have no idea how someone came up with the concept of Inception, but I'd love to take a tour of their brain. The acting was flawless, and though DeCaprio was headliner, I felt that Joseph Gordon-Levitt of "500 Days of Summer" fame, stole the show. Yes the visuals were awesome, yes the action was epic, but the best part of the movie was the mental journey it took you through. The "what if's" of dreaming took front seat to the rest of the film. Christopher Nolan is a great director, and it's a joy to join him in the world of inception that makes no sense and all the sense in the world at the same time.

3. 127 Hours
Even though I said, "in no particular order," this may be the number 1 pick for me this year for a variety of reasons. 127 hours tells the story of Aron Ralston, an experienced outdoorsman who becomes trapped in one of Utah's slot canyons when a boulder dislodges and pins his arm to the narrow canyon wall. 127 hours later, after exhausting his meager water reserves and turning to drinking his own urine, he sees a vision of his future son playing with him on the couch. Aron wakes up, breaks his own arm and then uses a dull weatherman multi tool to amputate his arm. He then repels down a 40 foot wall with only his left hand, and walks nearly 8 miles to safety... the film and book have been a life changer for me. It's directed by Danny Boyle of "Slumdog Millionaire" fame. It is one of the most beautiful films I've ever seen.

4. The Social Network
I went to see this one at midnight of opening weekend. I figured, "a movie about legal issues in the computer programming world...I'll be asleep in 10 minutes." However, when the credits started to roll I found myself literally at the edge of my seat. The dialogue in this film was action enough. It was witty and delivered with precision. It's the story of Facebook, and as boring as that sounds...it just rocks your world. The soundtrack written by Trent Reznor was a great choice and will probably be up for score of the year. If you are online, you are on Facebook, and should probably see this film. I'm guessing it will be a major contender for best picture of the year.

5. Scott Pilgrim vs the World
So this would be where I add the fun "movie" to the mix instead of a more serious "film." Scott Pilgrim engulfs both "movie" and "film." Part of what makes a film great is the originality or the fresh approach. Like the critics said, "It's a game changer." The film did awful at the box office yet was critically acclaimed by every review that I read. It's like watching a video game comic book in real life. The pop culture references coupled with hilarious jokes and visually stunning battle scenes makes Scott Pilgrim a can't miss.

6. Honorable Mentions for movies that were just plain fun and though not super artsy and impressive, were a joy to behold on the big screen: Iron Man 2, Predators, Tron Legacy, and Knight and Day.

The night before my 29th Birthday- Time to reflect a bit

2010-12-21T17:08:00.000-08:00

So I'll be 29 in approximately 5 hours and 35 minutes.

No more American Idol eligibility

Not cool to die at this age (missed that by 2 years, all the greats died at 27)

I've got a wife, two kids, a mortgage, and 2 teaching jobs. I have 2 cars, a mini-van and beat up Hyundai.

I need to get into grad school in order to better my (our) situation.

I'm trying to get into an administration program. Principals and higher ups make much more money than teachers do.

My dilemma used to be that I didn't want to leave teaching to get an administration job because it's just not as "fun."

Now though, I'm starting to really want to get into this. I became a teacher because I'm an idealist and I wanted to change lives. I figured the pay-check would compensate...and it's nice don't get me wrong, but Hell's bells I could use some more cash flow and one less job.

As a teacher I touch/influence the lives of roughly 165 kids at the High School and roughly 12 at the private school.

I feel good about the changes I see in these young people's lives, and yet I have the desire to influence even more. I'm sure that as an administrator I'll be influencing in a different way, but I think that I can bring a fire to that position that will light kids up.

I love working at the treatment center school that I'm in. I think it would be great if I could be the head of something very similar. A trade school? An extreme sports program that integrates school? I don't know. I just want to help kids not suck at life. As I look around currently I see students making bad decisions that are only going to lead to heartbreak and failure. This is our nation's future...currently it looks kinda dim.

So I'm 29 tomorrow...My goal is to be financially more successful and making a bigger difference in more lives by the time I'm 33. That be my 4 year plan...

I wish I had something funnier to say on my 69th post.
Life done punches you in the face once in a while. I like to pretend that I'm Rocky Balboa in Rocky IV. The Russians in life might take steroids and kill the Carl Weathers in your life, but you gotta keep on keepin on. - JR

127 OW! ers.

2010-12-13T17:03:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I went to the movies and saw the Aaron Ralston inspired film "127 hours" starring James Franco.
First off- Franco deserves the Academy Award for acting hands down...there shouldn't even be a question.

The basic synposis of the film is that Aaron Ralston, an overly confident outdoorsman, finds himself stuck literally "between a rock and a hard place." While hiking, Aaron dislodges a boulder and falls down a small narrow in Southern Utah's Canyon Lands National Park. The boulder comes to rest on his right arm, effectively pinning him to the wall. He must survive for as long as he can on what meager supplies he's brought. In order to survive, he must amputate his own arm using nothing but a dull weatherman tool.

I don't see a lot of Rated R movies, however this was one of my exceptions. Why? Because it made me a better person. (Not sure how this summer's "Predators" made me a better person, but I digress?)

If ever there was a metaphor for life, this is it.

Folks, we all find ourselves being held back from something that we really want. Each of us has a metaphorical arm stuck between the boulder and the wall. If we can't get rid of it, we die (fail). Though painful, uncomfortable, and extremely graphic, we gotta do what's necessary to free ourselves from certain death. If we have the will-power to break our own bones and cut through our own dead flesh, then we can survive this game called life and leave the theater in a good mood.

Here's the trailer, may it inspire you as it inspired me. You may have to link back to Youtube to get the whole screen. I think my blog done shrunk it.

My new class? Geeks 101!

2010-12-08T15:54:00.000-08:00

Next year...I get to teach a new class...

I've been teaching straight English 10 for the last 3 years. I've loved it and all, but I'm ready to work with 12 grade (further developed) minds.

Today they granted me my new class: Sci-Fi and Fantasy Literature...

Are you kidding me?

jIH ta'laHbe' Har vam vam 'oH ghoS Daq nagh!!!

(Translated into Klingon from a website run by presumably single dudes: I can't believe this! This is going to rock!)

What can you expect from this class students?

1. Your final paper must be typed in either Klingon or Elvish...It's possible that by May we'll have mastered Ewok or Hutteese so those might be options as well.

2. I'm going to dress like a freaking Jedi every day when studying sci-fi. When we are studying fantasy, my brown Jedi robe is now a Hobbity cloke thingy.

3. Quotes Quotes Quotes!
Student: Mr. Reeves, I haven't turned in my final paper yet!

Mr. Reeves: That is why you fail...

Fire alarm goes off.

Student: Mr. Reeves, I think we need to evacuate!

Grand Moff Reeves: Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.

Student: Mr. Reeves I really have to use the bathroom. Can I have the hall pass?

Mr. Reeves the Gray: YOU SHALL NOT have the hall PASS!

4. Interesting punishments

If my student is talking too much, I'm going to duct tape their mouth shut and write "Restraining Bolt" on the the front of the tape.

Or maybe I'll bind their hands, make them stand on a desk, and push them off into the sarlaac pit (made up of old diseased coats I've found at the school)

5. Homework won't always consist of "go home and read chapters 3-4" It'll consist of "Go home and read issues 3-4"

6. I'll make a sorting hat and pull names out when I need a reader or an answer from the class.

7. TROG-DOR!!!!! Da na na NA da na na NA da na na NA da na na NA NA

8. Once a month I can fake like a chest bursting alien is hatching out of me! I'll writhe and scream on the ground and throw fake blood around.

9. Persausive essays... Pro life vs women's right? Nope. Gun control vs 2nd amendment? Nope. Alien vs Predator? Yes. Wolverine vs Batman? Yes. Scott Pilgrim vs the World? Oh HECK yes!

10. Each day starts in pitch blackness...then the opening theme to Star Trek starts. "Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before" Followed by me saying, "Students, set your phasers to FUN!" hahahahaha

Do you get the vibe that I'm excited? Yeah... I'm pumped.

Wiki Wacky Leaks

2010-12-06T15:49:00.000-08:00

So I guess massive intel leaks are all the rage now. "They're like so hot," - Paris Hilton.

And so I'm going to spill the beans about some secrets that YOU never knew, right here on the Ruse of Freaking Fools! How playa is that?

Wiki Leak 1- Richard Nixon lost the presidency after a debate with JFK on On 26 September 1960. Sources say that Nixon looked bad because he'd had knee surgery so he was underweight, unshaven, and sickly looking while JFK was tanned and looking good. The truth of the matter was, that on September 26th 1960, there was a full moon. Richard Nixon was in fact: A WEREWOLF! Shortly after the debate he ran to his dressing room and handcuffed his arms to his chair so that he couldn't hurt anyone. The next day the room was trashed, and for the first time we see here the report filed by the maid:

Memo:

¡AH ese cuarto fue desechar totalmente! Pienso que Nixon es un hombre de lobo

Translation: WOW that room was totally trashed! I think that Nixon is a wolf man

So there you have it. That's one wiki leak that you never knew did ya? DID YA?!

Wiki leak #2

The Olsen twins were actually Olsen triplets, but Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen out-shined their other sibling: Hilda Riesgraf Olsen. Though similar in all physical aspects, Hilda was not as talented as her 2 fellow hatchlings. She appeared in one episode of Full House...only one. It was an un-aired Easter special where Michelle Tanner was hit by a bus and was in a full body cast for half the episode. Who was in that body cast? I think this highly classified document (taken from Mary Kate's own personal diary) tells it all.

Dear Diary,

Today we shot scenes for an upcoming episode. The Michelle character is in a full body cast for most of the episode. I told Ashley that this would be a good chance to let Hilda take a shot (hehehe) You should have seen her face! She was so freaking excited to be part of the show! When she saw what she had to do, her smile quivered a little bit, but she tried to pretend that she was still excited!

I'm still totally crushing on Bob Saggat, is that wrong?

Mary Kate

Wow right?

Finally the 3rd Wiki Leak that goes beyond belief and really damages the credibility of the government:

The fat kid who played Augustas Gloop actually died on the set of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. That's right. "don't worry Charlie, he can't drink it all." Well he didn't drink it all, but he inhaled enough of the stuff to drown him.

Mrs. Gloop: He's Gone! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!

Willy Wonka: Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!

Mrs. Gloop: Why?!

Willy Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow rooom! It goes to the fudge room!

Actually, it's impossible because the kid was already dead. The shot of the fat kid in the tube? You can tell it's a stunt double.

Memo:

Due to the tragic loss of Michael Bollner, we will need for all child actors to sign waivers and come up with proof of life and health insurance coverage- MGM

Now you can doubt this claim all you want, but IMDB doesn't lie: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093183/ It was his ONLY movie...

There I just Wiki Leaked all over the place. Deal with it, and accept the truth- JR

P.S. Trust No One- (X-files)

The Island of Misfit Toys

2010-12-01T14:10:00.000-08:00

I watched the 1964 classic "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" last night with my 2 1/2 year old son. It had been a while since I'd witnessed the majesty of that show. Choppy animation, a sketchy at best back story for Rudolph that involves a frightening snow beast and a flying lion. Not to mention that hauntingly beautiful song that the doe sings to make Rudy happy: "There's aaaallllllwaaaays tomooooorrrrowwwwww...."

The misfit toys are the best part of the show by far. Basically King Moon Razor, or whatever it is, the flying lion, flies around and brings unwanted toys that have for the most part, easily fixed defects in them, back to his castle to "chill."
Charlie in the boxHe is the sentry guard that is one murder away from being Heath Ledger's Joker. His voice is all sorts of creepy with an awkward emphasis of words. "NObody wants a CHARlie in the box." Dude, go to court, get your name changed, deal with it. I can see the fated Christmas morning now. Little kid opens his gift, gets a box, starts cranking the little handle on the box, and this joker pops up. SOMEHOW, the kid knows his name is Charlie, and he throws it out. I suppose Charlie could have just lied about it. "NO SERIOUSly kid my name isn't CHARlie, it's JACK.
The Elephant

UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! SMALL POX! RUN! RUN EVERYBODY! THE ELEPHANT HAS SMALL POX!!! AAAAAARGH! THERE IS NO CURE!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
And that's all I have to say about the elephant...Yukon Cornelius died 2 days after the movie ended of Small Pox related complications.

The Cowboy that rides the Ostrich

Nobody wants a cowboy that rides an ostrich eh? Why not? Think about it, it's a lot harder to hit with bullets from far away so he'll be quite a bit safer. Horses don't attack people...but ostriches have been known to tear you up with their talons. You know what I'd pay good money for? A George W. Bush riding an ostrich. That'd be sweet!

As for the bird that swims...that's just a sin against nature. Yukon would do well to have just pulled his gun out and shot the little bugger.

Charlie: OH my GOSH! YOU just KILLED the BIIIRRRRD FISH!
Yucon: That's right I did, sin against nature that thing...SILLLLLVERRRR!

The Doll
Is she the jilted lover of SNL's Mr. Bill?Was she left on the doorstep by Jack in the Box's mascot?
I guess we'll never know.

Finally,

King Moonraizer

A flying lion? The perfect predator. Why doesn't he kill Rudolph then? He had an elf, a reindeer, and a fat bearded prospector in his HANDS, and he let them go. What the audience doesn't see is that the misfit toys put a tracer on Santa's sleigh when they flew by the island. Rudolph 2 was never produced because it consisted of King Moon Flying Predator Lion Guy following the tracer back to the North Pole. The battle scene between the Bumble and the Lion is incredible but was left on the cutting room floor to everyone's dismay. We need a Christmas song about Flying Lion Predator Moon Death...that'd be an instant classic. Somebody please respond to this with your idea for that song.

JR

Old People are Depressing...and 10 FOLLOWERS!

2010-11-29T17:13:00.000-08:00

First off, yes, we've reached 10 followers on this blog. I feel so sorry for you, but at the same time want you to aknowledge that you are amongst the most blessed people in the world. That wasn't prideful was it? Anywho

OLD PEOPLE ARE DEPRESSING!

I'm at my night job tonight and instead of running to Taco Bell to further damage my intestinal track, my friend John and I decided to eat dinner with the rest of the staff which consists of relatively "elderly" people.

To start dinner, I raised my glass and said, "To Leslie Nielsen!" I did this so as to begin a conversation about the genius of "Airplane." Also I figured we could all get a few laughs out of quoting that classic film. Surely this would make for a great dinner conversation. Well it didn't...and don't call me Shirly.

Suddenly I hear, "He had alzheimers for the last 3 years of his life..." Now my own grandmother is currently suffering through similar ailments, I have absolutely nothing against discussing it. However, the next 15 minutes consisted of sad stories of deceased parents and siblings who were on life support for 8 years after a stroke.
"My dad had a stroke and couldn't move his arms or legs the rest of his life"
"My sister was on life support for 10 years before she died"

HOLY CRAP! Ok, I'm sad now. Thanks a lot. Maybe next week we discuss the deaths of our childhood pets? Maybe we talk about unfulfilled dreams? Loss? Betrayal? Hey here's a pick me up: Let's talk about the effects of the plague on the human body?

Whatever happened to stories about the "good old times?" Seriously, if you are old, and you are telling stories, it had better involve a group of kids skinny dipping in a pond after the potato harvest(with no drowning) Teenaged mishaps, (no break ups) or war stories about something funny the guy in your platoon did. (can't include his death).

So gather round children. Or in this case: 28 year olds, and hear a tale of hilarity from a simpler time. A time before TV couples started sleeping in the same beds. A time when the Flintstones theme song about "a gay old time" didn't result in childish snickers and questions about Fred and Barney.

A time when Elvis swivelling his hips was considered to be overly sexual.

A time when the Beatles dressed like Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band instead of Lady Baby Noise wearing a dress made of meat.

A time when Presidents felt safe enough to drive down large streets in Texas in open roof cars... a time when....oh....nevermind.

8-bit Nintendo's Unsolved Mysteries and Questions

2010-11-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

In 1989 I went to the movie theater with my friends Chris Hunter and Seth Drew to see "The Wizard." It was a film starring Fred Savage and some other less-notables (sorry Beau Bridges) and it was about NINTENDO. During the Nintendo championship scene, I was introduced to Super Mario Brothers 3. A few months after the release of the movie, I finally rented the game from Adventure Land Video in Lindon...it's now a karate dojo.

In this game, each level ended with Mario battling a different "koopa kid." And so we met: Larry Koopa, Morton Koopa Jr., Wendy O. Koopa,Iggy Koopa, Roy Koopa, Lemmy Koopa and Ludwig von Koopa.

It dawned on me tonight that we have no idea where Bowser's kids came from. 7 kids...and no female Bowser character anywhere in sight. Did he give birth a-sexually? Or is there a chance that somewhere in the background there was a loving spouse that we never got to meet. Also, Morton Koopa Jr.'s name would suggest that his father's name was Morton. Is Bowser's real name Morton? If so I'll be sorely disappointed.

Was it really fair that Bowser's kidnapping of the princess was paid back by Mario's slaying of all 7 of Bowser's kids? That's hardly an "eye for an eye." That's more of a "you twisted my ankle, I'm going to kill cut off your arm and beat you into a coma with it." Luckily after posting this blog, my friend's blog answered these questions.

There are a lot of Nintendo backstories I'd like to hear...Questions I'd like to have answered.

Example: Why is it that after each Mega Man game, he gets rid of his weapons and has to start all over again the next time Dr. Wiley tries to dominate the world? I'd have used the Metal Man gun from Megan Man 2 all the way through part VI if I could have. But no, he gets rid of them, chills out, and then probably curses when he finds out that Dr. Wiley is at it again. "And here I am without my lead bubble!"

P.S. How freaking cool is this room? Somebody actually painted their room to look like Bubble-Man's level? I'm guessing his wife didn't mind...cause she doesn't exist.

Don't show up to my class late...

2010-11-18T21:19:00.000-08:00

So my student showed up late. I knew she was terrified of the villain from the scream movies. I happen to have bought a scream mask for 50 cents the day before...When she walked in....

The worst feeling in the world!

2010-11-17T15:36:00.000-08:00

I recall a conversation with my good friend Brent when I was in high school. He showed up one morning and said, "Reeves, I think I know what the worst feeling in the world is..."

I was curious what his take on the worst feeling in the world was, so I inquired about what he thought it would was..

"Reeves," he said, "The worst feeling in the world is when you get out of a warm bed in the morning and sit down on the ice cold porcelain of the toilet."

I thought about it and I agree, that IS an awful feeling. You leave the warmth of your bed and put your butt on ice cold porcelain and you immediately start to shake and convulse...

Though I agree that cold porcelain on a warm rump is a tough situation, there is one thing worse.

"Brent," I said, "I have to disagree with you."

"What's worse?" said Brent.

"Well," I said, "What about when you sit on the porcelain and it's all warm because somebody else has been sitting there for ten minutes before you?"

He agreed with me.

Isn't that the worst? You go to a professional sports game and sometimes the urinal just isn't going to hack it, so you wait for 15 minutes while 8 other guys use the stall. Then it's your turn. The porcelain is all warm and gamy...

WORST FEELING EVER!

If I could be ANY animal...

2010-11-15T15:49:00.001-08:00

I asked this question to my students today. If I could be any animal I'd be.... and why.
We never question the nature/science of the journal prompt, cause then it's no fun.
Anywho, if you could be any animal and you could have your human brain/instincts inside of it. What would you choose and why? What would you do?

Here are my answers:

1- Wolf

Wolves are awesome. I'd pick them because I really like to hang out with friends and family. Wolves hang out in packs and have the grandest of times. I can see a typical day as a wolf: Good morning friends, let's wrestle and frolick. Rarr rarr rarr. Ok now I'm hungry, what should we do? Well that elk herd is quite close to that group of onlookers, let us kill an elk in front of the little kids to teach them about the circle of life (and it mooooooves us aaallllllll). You two go that we, we'll go this way, and you two come front the front...readyyyyy BREAK! Rarrr rarrr rarrr rip tear scream etc. How much fun would that be?

2- Great White Shark

Would I eat people? Of course not...but I'd mess with them. Picture this: Sandy beach in California, people swimming, etc etc. Suddenly I swim up to some kid who is just floating there and I start circling him. He'd start screaming and wetting his already wet swimsuit. I'd even come up from beneath thim so he'd be sitting on my head. The kid would be absolutely terrified. I'd be laughing. I'd submerge again and wait for someone to paddle out to get the kid and then suddenly BREACH! I'd fly out of the water with my mouth open wide and splash just inches from him. Oh man that'd be a hoot.

3- Well...this isn't really an animal, it's just an observation. When a girl said, "dolphin," I replied, "have you ever had dolphin? It's delicious!" This resulted in many dirty looks in my direction. "You eat DOLPHIN!?" said the girl. No...I haven't...but I've had Tuna, what is the difference? The students looked puzzled. "You see, I eat tuna sandwiches quite often, and nobody cares right? Why is eating Tuna a norm and eating Dolpin is so bad?" They had no idea how to answer the question. I went on to explain that people only worry about killing animals when they are cute. Tuna are ugly creatures so nobody cares if they die. A dolphin dying is the worst thing ever because of Flipper and that cute sound they make "eeh err eeh err."
Same goes with cows. If someone shoots a deer or an elk, people say, "but they are so beautiful! Why did you kill it?" But only the fringe vegetarians freak out about eating cheeseburgers. Cause cows...they's is ugly!

The smartest investment I've ever made: Sports

2010-11-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

Like the stock market, sports teams go up and down and vary from season to season with their success rates. I am lucky enough to live in Utah with a small market team in the NBA: The Utah Jazz.
Have they won the championship? Nope... But that doesn't matter to me. Being from the small town of UTAH gives one a chip on their shoulder. The last two nights in a row have found a young Jazz team with new players squaring off against the Miami Heat (Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, and Lebron James) and the Orlando Magic (Dwight Howard and company). Back to back road games against 2 of the 3 top teams in the east is no laughing matter. Smart people in Vegas would have put their money against the Jazz.

UH OH! The Jazz are down by 22 at half time...but wait. Paul Milsap scores 46 points, including 3 3-pointers and a buzzer beating lay up with 28 seconds remaining. That's right- 11 points in 28 seconds.

Paul Milsap embodies all that the Jazz represent. He was the 3 time NCAA rebound leader, which has never been done. He's a bit short for his position, but he plays with the heart of ten men.

That's the Utah Jazz. Classy players with no arrests, a ton of heart, and the will to prove the world wrong.

After beating the Heat on Tuesday night, I went to bed happy. I awoke Wednesday morning and started to take inventory of my world.

You know the feeling right? You wake up, sit for 3 seconds and re-boot your computer. "Ok, I'm 28, I have a job, wife, 2 kids, it's November, etc etc" Suddenly the previous night's memories come flowing back and you remember the look on Lebron's face as he walked dejected off the court and into a sad sad locker room.

I swear I pulled a Dana Barret and floated out of my bed (Ghostbusters reference)
The smile on my face was tugging at my ears. I donned my Milsap Jersey and went to school in the best mood I'd experienced since last Saturday.

Last Saturday I went with my Dad, Mom, sisters, and best friend Andy to the BYU game where the Cougars returned to true form and lit the opposing team UP with hundreds of passing yards.

Memories are made this way. When I think of my youth, many of my fondest memories are of watching sporting events with my dad. Sandwiches, chips, soda, cheering, and watching the "little Utah teams" upset the big boys. That's what it's all about. I've probably invested quite a bit of money, time, and energy into sports over the years.

When you invest and lose? It hurts and can ruin ones day...
But, when you invest, follow a team to a bowl game or an incredible come back, and join family friends and food together...there is no better return. Not even if you owned Google, Microsoft, and Apple stock from the beginning.

Best prank ever ten years ago

2010-11-09T10:41:00.001-08:00

I remember when I was at Utah State University in the year 2000. File sharing was all the rave at the time and I hated when I'd download a movie and it had been mis-labled. I'd click on some kind of skateboarding video, only to find that it was definitely NOT a skateboarding video...
So...I made this video with my roommates.
My friend Brent and I made multiple copies and named it all sorts of horrible porn-related names. People downloaded this thing like crazy. It may have been the first video to ever go "viral" come to think of it. Anyways, some guy would open his video that he thought was porn, and would find this....

Dear President Obama

2010-11-08T17:08:00.000-08:00

Dear President Obama,
Straight up, I don't agree with you on many things. That being said, I read an article the other day which read,

"American schoolkids attend school for fewer days than children in other educationally advanced countries, a situation President Obama said Monday needs to change. “I think we should have a longer school year,” Obama said in response to a question from the Today show’s Matt Lauer during a White House interview that kicked off the network’s weeklong “Education Nation” focus on American schools. Noting that many of our economic competitors keep their kids in school for an additional month a year, Obama said he believes “that month makes a difference.” He added that research shows many students “are losing a lot of what they learn during the school year” over summer break, and that the loss “is especially severe for poor kids. A longer school year makes sense.”

As an educator, I completely agree with you that students need a longer school year. That extra month of school could replace the month of video games they play during the summer. Also, an extra month of school from Kindergarten-12th grade would = an extra year of education.

Trust me...our kids need it. Today I graded a simple worksheet that was probably intended for 7th-8th graders, but had been administered to my sophomores who had struggled mightily with the differnce between past and present tense. Many of my students scored 20 out of the possible 20. They know that the past tense of "to do" is "did."

Many of my students failed this worksheet with scores of 50% or below... Do you know who scored a 19 out of 20? My German foreign exchange student....

Mr. Obama,
Our students NEED to have more access to education. Again, though I disagree with you on many fronts (though not on your handling of the war, please keep kicking @$$ with those predator drones; you are doing a great job there) I hope that with sometime in the next 2 years you can have a debate with the senate and the congress and figure out a bipartisan way to improve our time for student learning. Our future depends on it- Justin Reeves

"I just left"

2010-10-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

At my school the students have what is called "Advisory Period." It is a genius idea that was designed to help students pass all of their classes and keep their grades up. It is held right before lunch starts and lasts for 25 minutes.
If you have good attendance and no grade less than a C-, you get to skip advisory and go straight to lunch.

So basically if you are good at school you get one hour of lunch instead of 31 minutes...how playa is that?

If a student is passing my class I can send him or her to their other classes to get help and to turn in make up work. They just have to bring back a note saying that they were in some other teacher's class. Well on Thursday last, 2 of my students left and never came back, so I had to mark them as a sluff/truancy.

I asked them about it today. My student said, "honestly I just left..."

Great...
So glad you could be honest with me...
I have offered this class a pizza party if they can all finish this term with no F's. There are only 9 of them and it is study skills. They have an hour each day to work on homework during my class time to get their grades up.

But....
"I just left"

Reader beware: This generation of kids, though they occasionally show glimpses of genius, are over-populated with lazy arse, do nothings, that are going to be the dregs of society fairly soon.

You "just left" with 4 F's on your report card. F's that you could EASILY make up if you turned the work in...but you choose not to.

I am so flippin frustrated with the wasted potential in my classrooms. I beg and plead with them to try hard and take things seriously, and yet they continue to fail fail fail. It's not even a "I tried my best and failed the assignment." It's more like, "screw school man, I hate the world, I'm a rebel rarrr!"

Yes, you are a rebel, and I'll circle your name in the yearbook so I know where to look when I see your mug shot on the news in the next few years.

If you are not going to pass my class, why even show up at all? Seriously why sit in a classroom and earn an F? How many hours of sitting and doing nothing did you just waste?

List of things to do instead of sitting and getting an F in Reeves' classroom:

1- Sleep
2- Hike
3- Bike
4- Fish
5- Watch movies in pajamas
6- Get a $#%$#$%$ job
7- Learn how to paint
8- Practice pan-handling
9- Play more video games...they're really doing wonders for you
10- SIT UP AND GIVE AT LEAST A HALF-ARSED EFFORT AND PASS YOUR DANGED CLASSES!

These habitual "non-learners" are a waste of time and effort. I'm all for working my butt off to help students who struggle or who need the help. But hey, if you don't want an education then get out of here and stop wasting my time. Also, start practicing the phrase: Welcome to (Insert fast food restaurant) may I take your order?

As Rome BURNS!

2010-10-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

I done did it...
I just submitted my manuscript for "Chuck and Lester's Fables" to a publishing company.
As Rome BURNS!
I have no idea where this is heading, but as I submitted the file I was listening to some pretty intense live Smashing Pumpkins from when I saw them in 2007 in San Francisco...
It's almost like I'm trying to get pumped up for a basketball game or something...
AS ROME BURNS...
I'm so sick of feeling mediocrity. Maybe it's delusions of grandeur, but I think I have a whole heck of a lot going on inside my brain...and I truly believe it is marketable.
AS ROME BURNS!
My favorite part about my job is getting students to laugh hysterically in class...
Now if I can do that on a massive scale, how great will my joy be
AS ROME BUUUUURRRRRNNNNNSSSS!
Plus, if there's some $ in making people laugh, then why the heck not I?
AS ROME BURNS TO THE $#$#^%@$Y#$^#$^ GROOOOUUUUUUUND!

Though my humorous visage may betray how I really feel some days...I'm deadly serious that I want to grab life by the throat and throw down!

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends....in the RUSE OF FOOLS

Oh No! They're eating my MOM!

2010-10-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

Wow...
I'm finally able to say that I have seen the "best worst movie" ever.
Troll 2 folks...I don't know what else to tell ya.
I would love to get into a plot summary but I can honestly not tell you what was going on. Here's what I DO know:

-There are no Trolls in Troll 2...they aren't even mentioned. The villains are Goblins

-If you eat a snack from the goblins, you start to sweat green, and then turn into plant-like goo that is then devoured by the goblins

-The goblin queen has powerful magic, and yet still wears coke bottle glasses. She likes to turn horny teens into trees?

-Dead grandfathers can appear at random and take physical form...which defies all theological reason and makes me doubt the existence of a just and orderly deity.

-The best way to stop your family from eating Goblin snacks is to freeze time and then urinate on the table while they are frozen.

-It takes almost an hour for the average family to realize that the town of "Nilbog" that they are vacationing in, is actually "Goblin" spelled backwards.

-If a woman tries to seduce you with fishnet stockings and an ear of corn? RUN!

-A Goblin's greatest fear is a "double-decker bologna sandwich."

Some of the masks were somewhat creepy, but they kept deciding to zoom in close on the one with really fake non-moving eyes.
The dialogue was absolutely positively dreadful. I could act better in my SLEEP.

Watching a good movie with friends = Awesome
Watching a bad movie with friends = Lame
Watching a movie that is so BAD that it is good with friends = Best Night Ever'

May I recommend to one and all that you find a copy somewhere. I believe it comes in a cheap 2-pack at Walmart with Troll 1 (which actually features Trolls). Heck, just the other day I saw that Troll 2 is now on Blu-Ray!

Sit down with a bowl of popcorn, some bologna sandwiches, and good company with sick senses of humor and enjoy.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105643/
The above link will let you watch the whole stinking mess. Good luck!

Here's the movie in its entirety. Dig it BABY!

Miners trapped in Chilean mine locate Timmy O' Toole

2010-10-13T17:20:00.000-07:00

So as I type this blog, people are being rescued from a dark would be grave in a heroic, epic, world wide phenomenon, soon to be TV movie, action packed adventure. One of the interesting developments in the story is that miners located an extra victim not originally counted amongst the survivors in the tragedy story of the year...

That's right, they've located Timmy O' Toole, the little boy who got stuck in the well all those years ago.

Do you remember Timmy?

He tried to enroll at the local elementary school but the principal, a man named Seymour, had turned him away because of his ragged clothes and unkempt hair.

I believe it was the late 80's, possibly early 90's when a group of celebrities got together and in a "We are the World" type of effort, made a song to help the young man see the light of day again.

I'm glad the minors are safe, though what 17 year olds and younger are doing working in a dangerous mine-shaft is beyond me. Maybe it's a Chile thing, but in America, Minors mostly work fast food and crappy mall jobs.

Welcome back men...
And welcome back Timmy O' Toole

That's what I waaaaaaaahaaahaaaaant That's What I Want!

2010-10-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

At some point in your life, an adult, probably a parent, told you that money can not buy happiness.

This same person probably told you that Santa Claus was real and that your face will freeze if you make bad faces for too long.

That's right, it's ALL A LIE!

Money can't buy happiness? Seriously?

Do you know what would make me really happy right now? A room in my house with a giant HD tv/Blu Ray, surround sound and stadium seating.

Do you know WHY I don't have that in my house? That's right...lack of money.

My good wife showed me some blogs the other night that she reads on a regular basis. She informed me that the people who run these blogs have quit their jobs and live off the advertising money they receive from their blog.

The other night I watched as a cute couple argued about how she was sick and he got sympathy pains over it and was now feeling sick when he really wasn't... They probably made $250 that day...if not more.

I hold no grudge against these people, in fact I find that their humorous musings are rather witty.

HOWEVER! I want money...dun dun dun dun DUN da na na na na na (clap clap clap).
That's what I want...

Money to make traveling with my wife to cool locations into a reality.
Money to buy the many worldly goods that seem a waste of time, but in fact bring joy to my heart.
Money to finally attend an NFL football game.
Money to get a new camera with more mega pixels and killer lenses
Money to go to Taco Bell whenever I feel like
Money to buy a Bear Tag and go hunting with an expensive bow that shoots explosive tipped arrows.
Money to buy grasshopper cookies weekly, instead of only on special occasions
Money to pimp out my Hyundai Elantra
Money to finally purchase the $799 Darth Vader costume I've always wanted
Money to hear the word "seafood" without the accompanying scream from my wallet
Money to fill my closet with NFL and NBA jerseys.
Money to buy my wife a house with her own closet so she doesn't have to look at my jerseys.
Money to buy actual Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper instead of Mountain Lightning and Dr. Thunder.

Money to give to the poor

(see now I seem like a really good guy instead of a selfish person. Can you picture the look on the fireman's face when I stuff his boot full of $20 bills?)

I've written a book that's all ready to publish, but I don't have the money to publish it.
I'm trying to get into grad school at BYU so that I can pay $12,000 in order to make more money?

So what do you all want from this blog? I'll do anything to make it as popular as those people who make $50,000 or more a year by telling about their daily lives.

Check this out:
This morning, I woke up to my alarm clock. Silly I know, but that's what I did. Then I went into the bathroom yadda yadda yadda I emerged victorious and dressed for school. I played jeopardy with my students and gave them a test...now...click on my adds...and give me money.

Maybe I should review movies every week?
Maybe I should give tips on grooming? (my wife will tell you that I should be reading a blog like that, not writing one)
Maybe I should blog about food?
Maybe I should blog about politics? (actually I've decided not to do that anymore. I think that standing on your soapbox on Facebook or a blog is rather cowardly and is now a feaux pas.)

So when somebody tells you that money doesn't buy happiness, ask them this:

"Have you ever seen an elated homeless person? or an overly peppy transient?"

The answer is no.

Bad Joke of the Day

2010-10-06T07:39:00.001-07:00

So the Copy Machine guy at our school sent out a mass email saying, "Teachers, the copy machine is down."

I replied with: "That's too bad, maybe we should throw it a surprise party to cheer it up. HEY OH!"

hahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahhahhhaahha

sorry

You seriously haven't seen that?!

2010-09-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

So as I get older. my students are born a year later each year that I teach. My current students were born in 1994 which means they were not even aware of Siamese Dream, Dumb and Dumber, or Goosebumps books.

Occasionally I'll throw out a movie quote and students will get it and laugh. Example: Today a student said, "no way!" and I replied, "Yes way Ted!" It was lost on 95% of my students. And so I feel I must make a quick list of movies that all students/Americans/people/sentient beings SHOULD see.

In no Particular Order:

1. The original Star Wars Trilogy: If you don't want to do the new films, that's fine, but come on! The most groundbreaking movies of all time are a MUST see. Pop culture references Star Wars constantly. Whether it be "Jedi Mind Tricks" or a Yoda reference, you gotta be down with the Holy Trilogy..... P.S. Best line of the whole SAGA belongs of course to the greatest leader of all time: Admiral Ackbar: "Itsha Trap!"

2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Never before has nerd-dom been so widely accepted. The girls loved Orlando Bloom, the boys loved watching Orlando Bloom arrow people in the face. And midnight shows all over the country were sprayed with aerosol to keep the big sweaty nerd smell down. This trilogy is a masterpiece on par with Star Wars.

3. Indiana Jones Trilogy: I have to say trilogy because I can't just say, "See Raiders and Last Crusade" because that would leave out Temple of Doom. Those are the only 3 Indiana Jones movies ever made. There was no 4th installment released in 2008. It was stalled in production and never saw the light of day right...RIGHT? When it comes down to it: Raiders of the Lost Ark has got to be one of the all time best action movies. There is NO BETTER SCENE IN ALL OF CINEMA than when the beautiful female angel flies around and the Nazi says, "It's beautiful." Then the angel flies right up into the screen (somebody 3-d this already!) and turns into an angel of death. As the skeleton screams, the nazi screams, the music goes creepy, and the nazi's melt. BEST SCENE EVER!

4. Jaws: Ok so the trilogies have been covered. Jaws is an AMAZING film. It is really the best movie I've ever seen. The direction, the music, the amazing characters. This film has it ALL. Sure The Ring and The Grudge freaked me out for a bit, but Jaws has successfully kept me from swimming in the ocean for my entire life. There is no way I'll ever go into the ocean past my knees. I even get jumpy floating around in Utah Lake while water skiing. If the melting Nazi's is the best scene ever, then the USS Indianapolis speech given by Quint is a close second. "I bumped into a friend of mine chief...Herby Robinson...baseball player from Cleveland. I shook him to try and keep him awake...he just bobbed up and down. He'd been bitten in half below the waist..." I feel the need to watch this movie at least 2 times a year.

5. Jurassic Park: So are we noticing that I really like Spielberg movies? I advise that all who view this movie also read the book. Both are hard working and will serve you well (see that?! Star Wars reference!). I remember seeing this PG-13 movie with my dad when I was in 5th grade. I was so excited to go see a grown up movie...until that first scene played out...and the guy got eaten alive by the raptor. SHOOOOOT HER! Oh man...classic. Seriously guys, "Where's the goat." I watched this the other day and the special effects are STILL legit man.

6. The Goonies: Yep, this is possibly the coolest movie ever. I say coolest because it was every kid's dream to find buried treasure. So many memorable quotes...many which include cuss words, but still what a flick! Throw in the freaking awesome Cindy Lauper song and it is a bonafide classic. I try to live my life to the Goonie code, "Goonies never say die." Something about the rainy Oregon backdrop makes this movie hauntingly beautiful. Best line, "Chunk Chunk Chunk!" "No, it's CAPTAIN CHUNK!, and Captain Chunk says, let's get the Hell out of here!" hahahaha Or maybe dumping the fake puke over the side of the theater is the best line..."HWEH HWEH HWEH HWEEEEHHEHHEHWHEHEH" I have Chunk's autograph...tis precious to me.

7. Better off Dead: Mr. Meyers...please come to the board and show us your solution to this paltry geometric dilemma. This is probably one of the most quotable movies of all time. John Cusack is a genius as Lane Meyer. I don't know what Steve Savage was on when he wrote this, but I want some. "I can't move my right arm!!!" Great part about this movie is that as a high schooler trying to deal with relationship issues or the lack there-of, this movie gave all dorks hope. Gee I'm real sorry your mom blew up Ricky...

8. Ferris Beuler's Day Off: So yeah...if you haven't seen this one, you should probably be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Granted, I hate it when my students skip school (I swear I'm not a Roony though) this movie is a must see for any kid. I want to think I have a Beuler attitude about life sometimes. I also like to make sure that I don't end up like Cameron Fry, though I have been told I do look like the actor who played him. Shakin a baaaaby now...twist and shooouuuut. I LOVE that scene. Makes the whole city dance, and it makes my soul happy. "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it..."

9. Ghostbusters: Ray...when someone asks if you are a God you say YES! Maybe it's just my age speaking, but I don't think that kids now a days get the subtle humor of this movie. Bill Murray's suave pathetic-ness is classic. His shameless flirtation with the girl who is working on her ESP test is so perfect. Sure the sequel is nowhere near as funny as the original, but if one has not seen the original ghostbusters they are in serious need of help. "Don't cross the streams...." "Why?" "It would be bad" It would also be bad to never see this movie.

10. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure: The fact that some of my students hadn't even HEARD of this movie is what prompted this blog in the first place. Two dorky high school wanna be rockers travel through time to put together a history project so that they can graduate, make a band, and cause all war to cease. "Hey Bill remember when you asked your mom to prom sophomore year?" "Shut up Ted!" I love when they are talking to "So-Crates" and they give the wisdom of "ALl we are, is dust in the wind dude.....DUST.....WIND......DUDE...."

If anybody within the sound of my voice (which is probably very few people) has not seen any of the above movies, please do. If not for your sake, but fore humanity's.

Honorable Mentions: Princess Bride, The Burbs, UHF, Three Amigos, Edward Scissor Hands, Moulin Rouge, Dead Poets Society, The Graduate, Psycho (anything Hitchcock)... The Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, Willow, Run Lola Run! and the list could go on for hours. I tried to keep to action and comedy classics...PG-13 and below.

Friday night rocked

2010-09-20T10:11:00.001-07:00

Edit this setlist | More The Smashing Pumpkins setlists

Happy Orchard High volume 1

2010-09-15T15:39:00.000-07:00

Scene: 1

first day of freshman year

VOICE: Welcome to Happy Orchard High, home of the mighty sea-faring Nordic-men.

Lance

So this is high school huh?

SOUND: people talking, slamming lockers

Devin

Yeah...it looks a lot like jr. high except...

LANCE

The girls look more

devin

yeah

LANCE

And the weirdos look

DEVIN

weirder, yes.

LANCE

Cool...so how was your summer?

DEVIN

ummm you know how my summer was, heck you probably know more about it than I do. We hung out every day man.

lance

oh yeah...so what do you have first period on your first day of school?

DEVIN

Well Lance, it would seem that I am in store for some physical education with Coach Pitts. You?

LANCE

It would appear that I will be joining you with Coach Pitts...in the pit of DESPAIR!

SOUND: thunder claps

DEVIN

Whoah, did you hear that?

LANCE

No?

DEVIN

Neither did I...let's go.

MUSIC: weird old timey organ music

SOUND: bell rings

DEVIN

Wow...so...we have a co-ed phys-ed class?

LANCE

That would seem to be the situation here my friend

SOUND: girls walk by talking loudly

LANCE

That would be the situation INDEED!

DEVIN

I suddenly wish I'd bought shorts that were a bit longer...these legs they are a white.

SOUND: whistle blows

Coach Pitts

OK! EVERYBODY LINE UP, SHUT UP, AND GUT UP.

LANCE

Excuse me coach Pitts, but what does Gut...

COACH PITTS

SILENCE!

LANCE

eep

COACH PITTS

This is Physical Education 101, I'm coach Pitts, and because of some budget cuts it would seem that we have a coed class in our midst. Who knows what that means?

SOUND: cricket noise

COACH PITTS

It means that contact sports are going to be hilarious. Now everybody hit the base line!

SOUND: WHISTLE BLOWS and gym shoes are heard squeeking while the students run shuttle runs.

LANCE

(out of breath) Devin...huff...I'm starting to regret the hours of ...pant... video games and taco shack runs we made this summer

DEVIN

I....I am....I....Ditto...

COACH PITTS

Everyone line up! It's time to play a man's game...that's right ladies...a MAN'S GAME: DODGEBALL! I just gotta make some teams. Why don't you you you and you, you three and you...no not you, the fat kid, yeah you- go stand on that side of the court. The rest of you stand on this side.

Girl

How exactly do you play?

COACH PITTS

You serious?

girl

Yeah well i've never actually

SOUND: WHISTLE BLOWS

COACH PITTS

GOOOOOOOO!

SOUND: squeeking shoes and screaming teens followed by bouncing rubber balls.

LANCE

Devin! What do we do?!

DEVIN

We dodge for our lives Lance.;

LANCE

Devin! They'll never take our freedom! Earn this!
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions!

DEVIN

Lance what are you talking about?

LANCE

I don't know, I've never experienced battle like this! I'm channeling Hollywood as a self defense mechanism...I represent the lollipop guild!

DEVIN

Lance, get a hold of yourself. Look! Our weak frames have left us unnoticed, there's only 4 of us left! Quickly, throw that ball as hard as you can and we might just get lucky.

LANCE

I'm turning off my targeting computer, ready, aim, FIRE!

SOUND: crunching noise followed by girl's muffled scream

LANCE

What happened?

DEVIN

ummm I'm pretty sure that you just broke that girls nose.

LANCE

Which girl?

DEVIN

The one you just nailed in the shnoz with the ball...

LANCE

I ummm threw it with my eyes closed. Looks like I really DIDN'T need my targeting computer.

DEVIN

Whoah dude look at all the blood!

LANCE

Ummmm (shouting) MY BAD! I'M SORRY!

COACH PITTS

Hey skinny! GET OVER HERE!

LANCE

gulp

DEVIN

Oh man you realize who that is that you hit right?

LANCE

Blond girl number 5 of 9 in the class?

DEVIN

Dude that's Rachel Gibson...as in "LEAD CHEERLEADER" Rachel Gibson. And hey, speaking of which, here comes her boyfriend.

LANCE

Did I mention: Gulp?

Dalton

Hey twerp, what's your problem?!

LANCE

Hey...it's dodgeball, I threw the ball, and she didn't dodge. It's not MY fault is it?

DALTON

MORON! She's not even in our class, she was just walking through the hall by the open gym door. Didn't you aim?

LANCE

ummm how exactly do you want me to answer that question?

DALTON

What?

LANCE

I mean if I say, "yes I aimed" then it would appear that I broke her nose on purpose right?

DALTON

Yes

LANCE

But if I say that I didn't aim and in fact tell you that my eyes were closed when I threw said projectile which smash-ed yonder nose then it was all an accident and you can't hold it against me.

DALTON

Ummm you're a freshman right?

LANCE

Yeah...why?

SOUND: punching/crunching noise

LANCE

oof

DEVIN

ouch...

DALTON

Welcome to Happy Orchard High

Lance

(nasally voice)

Debin

DEVIN

Yes Lance?

LANCE

I'm not so sure I like it here.

DEVIN

Don't worry little buddy. It's just first period. We have 5 more classes that we can screw up today.

SOUND: BELL RINGS

The end

Love this video

2010-09-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

@ Yahoo! Video

It's time for a change folks

2010-07-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

This mini-rant brought to you by the fact that I'm slowly losing faith in our nation's future.

Here are some examples of things that have happened in the last couple of weeks that have made me say...hmmmm time for a change.

1- I'm playing Jeopardy in my class room. The Current Events category gets picked and:

Me: "What is the name of the Oil Company that spilled in the gulf?"
Students: "I don't know...Chevron?"
Me: "Does ANYONE know this? Biggest story of the year? Biggest environmental tragedy ever?"
Students: "no not really."

2- Same Jeopardy Game:
Me: "Who is the Vice President of the United States"
Class: Cricket Noises........absolutely nothing
Me: "You guys are serious?"
Student: "Oh I know it's Dick Cheney!"
Me: "Ummm that was the last administration with Bush."
Student: "They switch?"

3- Sitting in writing lab-
Student: "I heard Obama wasn't born in the United States"
Me: "He was born in Hawaii"
Student: "Don't you have to be born in America?"
Me: "You DO know that Hawaii is a state right?"
Student: "No...." (16 year old student at that)

4- Same student as number 3
He had turned nothing in and was going to fail my class. Summer school is so easy! I made it deliberately easy for these kids to pass. They just had to show up, do the work, complete the assignments, and they would get a good grade.
He approached me and said, "Mr. Reeves I need to talk to you, I was wondering if there was any work I could do..."
Now at this point I thought to myself, "ALL RIGHT! HE WANTS TO WORK! GRADUATE! SUCCEED ! But then he continued to talk...
Student: "If there was any work I could do around your house like mowing the lawn or something. I need $35 by Friday.
Me: "For What?"
Student: "For Something"
Me: "For WHAT?"
Student: "This Rave I want to go to and...."

I had kids in my class who showed up to every day of Summer School but almost failed because they wouldn't do anything. They have this new excuse all set up now. When I asked them to write a 3 page double spaced paper (and gave them 3 hours to do it) I had a few students turn in almost one page. These are the students that I sat and watched as they played online games and searched the web for other things. When I asked why I only got 1/3 of the assignment they said, "well I couldn't think of anything to write." And then they would pause and wait for me to accept this excuse. It's as if, "I couldn't think of anything" would make me say, "oh really? That's too bad, full credit for all and for all a good grade! Hooray for you!"

I was part of Generation x.

This is either Generation X-box or Generation X-cuse

It's going to be a sad reality for this generation when they assume that by showing up to work they'll deserve a pay check. When the boss asks for a report, "I couldn't think of anything" isn't going to cut it... in fact it'll just plain get you cut.

I'm tired of the Laziness
I'm tired of the lack of intelligence
I'm tired of the "I deserve this..." attitude
I'm tired of the students who worship family guy and think that the sexual humor is HILARIOUS
I'm tired of people ignoring common sense
I'm tired of people who sit around waiting for life to be served to them on a golden platter.

IF YOU WANT IT- QUALIFY YOURSELF FOR IT
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO QUALIFY YOURSELF-DON'T DEPEND ON ME TO BAIL YOUR BUTT OUT BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW THIS COUNTRY IS SUPPOSED TO WORK!

I'm against the redistribution of wealth because it'd be wrong for me to redistribute grades right? X amount of kids work hard and got B's and A's. Y amount of kids didn't even try and got D's and F's. So should I just even it out and give everyone C's?
Of course not...
So why is it that when my A and B students have good jobs, the D and F students who are working low income jobs deserve anything from up top?

Life starts in 9th grade folks.
If you mess around throughout your high school career, you are basically screwed for the next 60 years.

Parents...this is all on you. Step your game up.

END RANT- Go see Inception, it's marvelous.

A Taco Bell Poem

2010-05-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get my students into this whole "Poetry of the Moment" thing. There are some moments that are just beautiful in their simplicity. And so, I now give you an original poem: 7 Layers...

9:05...
Monday Night...
I've been working since 7:15 A.M. and I've been
Snacking
On crackers, candies, and chips
But now work is over, and it's time to get serious...cause I'm hungry
I skip my exit, and drive farther than I should
My window cracks open and I smell...my home town on a Summer's eve
Our town smells like
Sewage
And yet,
It is sweet in the spring and early summer.
I pull into the drive through, to the glowing menu that welcomes me with a
crackly
staticky
voice.
"Welcome to Taco Bell, how are you tonight?"
How am I tonight? I'm good, and so I reply, "I'm fabulous"
"And you?"
The static replies that they are also doing well and they thank me for my courtesy.
It's not hard to be courteous to a static box
A real person is a lot harder to talk to.
The voice asks what they can get for me
And I...
I must first ask them an important question upon which the rest of my evening hinges.
"Your rice" I ask, "Is it fresh? Or is it old...and crunchy...like small twigs"
They check...I await patiently
"It is fresh and smooth as Vanilla ice cream in a park in mid-August" Comes the reply.
My mind is at ease...
"Excellent" says I, "then I shall order a 7 layer burrito."
The order continues with various tacos, burritos, and whatever else they're currently promoting.
Tacos may make up the meal, but the 7-Layer Burrito MAKES the meal.
I drive home quickly
Disregarding stop signs and rushing uncharacteristically through long glowing yellow lights which turn red as I speed through.
Home...
I rush through the door and kiss my sweet wife
I toss my bag of beans and tortillas on the footrest in front of the couch and I dig in.
I start with a soft taco to tantalize my pallete...
I add mild sauce, and I inhale it.
Next up is the 7-layer bounty that this whole trip was about.
My day hinges on the delicious creation that lies within the wrapper.
I've never had the same 7-layer burrito twice...they ALL taste different
And this excites me.
I unwrap the burrito and hold it in my hands...
Gently bouncing it like a new born babe who needs consoling.
I feel the burrito...and I locate the part of the tortilla that is...coldest.
This is where they deposited the Sour Cream
THIS is where they deposited the Guacamole!
I start there...the first bite is cold, and delicious.
The vein of sour cream is found throughout the folded Mexican food perfection.
No more than 2 minutes after I've started, and the burrito is no more.
It is a part of me now...
As I am a part of it.
I dread the next day's stomache and digestion issues that will inevitably destroy me...
however...
for the moment...
I am happy
7- Layers can heal the world

Killer Pizza Screenplay

2010-04-19T17:06:00.001-07:00

Hey Kid
Screenplay by: Justin Reeves

INT: BASEMENT: BEDROOM: 2:30 A.M. COMPUTER DESK

A young man sits hunched over his computer. The screen is the lone light source in the room. He has been gaming for hours. To the right, there is an empty pizza box. To the left, there is a trash can filled to the brim with empty energy drink cans.

KEVIN
Damn…I’m hungry

Kevin straightens his head set

KEVIN
K guys, I’m starving, I’m going to make a food run before our next raid ok?

Kevin fumbles for his keys, puts on a baseball cap and hops exits the basement. He reaches the kitchen and quietly opens house’s side door.

EXT: FRONT YARD: 2:45 A.M.

Kevin reaches his car and uses the light of his cell phone to find the lock. He inserts his key, hops in his car, turns the lights on and drives away.

INT: WALMART: FROZEN PIZZA AISLE:

Kevin looks up and down at the differently priced pizzas. He sighs, he isn’t very motivated. Suddenly he hears a voice.

PIZZA
Psssst! Hey kid

Kevin looks around to see who wants his attention.

PIZZA
Hey, you, kid….down here

Kevin slowly glances down. Behind the condensation on the window, he can see a red baron pizza box rocking back and forth…the sound seems to be coming from the pizza.

PIZZA
HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME KID?

KEVIN
Ummmm yeah? I ummm what the Hell?

PIZZA
Hey kid shut up….now listen carefully. You are going to buy me.

Kevin shakes his head and gently slaps his own face as if to wake himself up.

KEVIN
Buy you?

PIZZA
Yeah kid, you are going to buy me, and you are going to get me out of here.

Kevin looks to his left, looks to his right, and gets a very concerned look on his face.

PIZZA
Kid, stop hitting yourself! Stop looking around! Now open this damned door and buy me!

KEVIN
Do you want me to eat you?

PIZZA
Eat me? You think I want you to buy me so that I can escape and then I’d want you to eat me? What are you stupid kid?

KEVIN
Look I don’t even know if this is real or not. I mean, you are a pizza right? And I know I’ve been drinking a crap load of caffeine and all, and I’ve been gaming for 10 hours straight but…seriously what is going on here?

PIZZA
Look kid, I’m going to make this really simple for you. Either you buy me RIGHT NOW, or I swear I’ll freaking kill you.

KEVIN
Ha!

PIZZA
Oh what you don’t think I can do it? Check this out: “HEY HOTPOCKETS, GIVE EM HELL!

Kevin swings around at the a loud thumping sound and sees two boxes of hot pockets smashing against the window opposite the pizza. Kevin jumps at the site of them.

PIZZA
Yeah you like that? Huh? You want some more of that? Cause the frozen bags of broccoli over there will mess you up son…they will MESS YOU UP! Now buy me!

Kevin looks around to make sure that nobody is watching. He kneels down and speaks in a very hushed voice.

KEVIN
Look dude, I don’t know what’s going on here. I’m probably tripping from too many games, I don’t know. What I DO know is that I’ve only got ten bucks, and I gotta refurnish my pop supply too. You are $5.50 and the 12 packs of dew cost $4.50, I won’t have enough for the tax and….

PIZZA
Oh what you think this is a joke? You think this is some kind of game? Look kid, buy a six pack instead of the 24 pack and get me out of here. You think I’m joking about killing you? I’ll freaking do it man. Check this $#it out

The refrigerator opens abruptly and an object is flung at Kevin’s feet. It is a Walmart name tag, and it is smeared with blood. It reads, “Trevor.”

KEVIN
Holy crap you killed someone?

PIZZA
Yes I did, and do you want to know WHY Kevin?

KEVIN
Why?

PIZZA
Cause he wouldn’t take me out of this fridge and take me home. Now get me out of here or I’m going to straight up kill you where you stand!

Kevin opens the door, throws the name tag back behind some Tony’s pizzas, and grabs the talking pizza box. He puts it under his arm, grabs two two-liters of Dew, and walks to the lone active check out counter. The checker is visibly frustrated and on the store phone.

CASHIER
(talking into the phone) No, he was here an hour ago and he left I guess. I haven’t seen Trevor all night, which means I’m stuck here doing the checking. It’s almost 3:00 a.m. and I want to go home. Yeah go check out back and get back to me. Yeah hurry…thanks.

The cashier hangs up the phone and sighs while looking at her watch.

CASHIER
Sorry about that, is that everything for you?

KEVIN
(nervously) Yeah this is it…

Kevin looks frightened. He’s starting to perspire a bit. He sets the pizza and the 2-liters down on the conveyor belt and fumbles for his wallet.

CASHIER
You ok? You look a bit frustrated.

KEVIN
I..I…ummm I’m…ummm I’m f-f-fine. I’m just…a little tired…gotta get back to my games. How much do I owe ya?

CASHIER
$7:89…you wanna bag for this?

Kevin glances at the pizza as if waiting for an answer. No answer comes, and the cashier looks strangely at Kevin.

CASHIER
You sure you’re ok?

KEVIN
(anxiously) yes I’m fine

CASHIER
Hey while you were back there you didn’t see some nerdy guy named Trevor did you? I’m supposed to be going home and he’s supposed to be watching the front and I think he bailed.

KEVIN
No, I uh, haven’t seen Trevor, or anyone, or anything…I’m….can I go now?

CASHIER
Suuuuuure. Have a good night.

Kevin walks hurriedly towards the exit.

EXT: WALMART PARKING LOT: 3:25 A.M.

Kevin, with bags in his hands, jogs to his car. Uses his cell phone as a flashlight, and unlocks his doors. He throws the bags in and closes the door behind him

INT: CAR: WALMART PARKING LOT: 3:26 A.M.

PIZZA
You done good kid, reaaaal good. Now take me to your place.

KEVIN
Why? What do you want?

PIZZA
Don’t question me. Don’t question my existence, my morals, or me methods. Just drive…

KEVIN
Ok…just don’t hurt me.

PIZZA
Keep your mouth shut and I won’t have to

KEVIN
What did you do to Trevor? Why did you hurt him?

PIZZA
I killed him, don’t worry about how I did it. Just know that it was painful. And as for why? Well he asked a LOT of questions that I found annoying, so I needed to shut him up. Can you think of anyone ELSE who has been asking annoying questions tonight kid? Hmmmmm?

KEVIN
…..I’ll shut up

PIZZA
That’s right you will

Kevin is silent the rest of the drive home. Upon pulling up to his house he cautiously ventures forth a question to the Pizza.

KEVIN
Ok look we’re here. Now I don’t want any trouble or anything. I don’t want to ask any questions that might set you off.

PIZZA
Good thinking

KEVIN
Do you mind if I ask for some clarification though?

PIZZA
That’s a nice way of saying, “do you mind if I ask a question” but since you phrased it so nicely, yes I will clarify for you

KEVIN
Ok, I bought, you, I’ve taken you home. I’ve done all that you’ve asked me to do…can you clarify the goal here? I work in missions with clear goals.

PIZZA
For example?

KEVIN
Well, just before I met you I was part of an elite assassin squad in an online scenario where my friends and I needed to A: Infiltrate a mansion. B: Bug the phones C: Kill the butler, and D: Escape without being seen. I did all of these things, finished the objective, and then figured I was hungry and wanted some pizza, which brings us to where we are now. So…what is my goal here?

PIZZA
A fair inquiry….take me inside and I’ll instruct you further

EXT: KEVIN’S HOUSE: DRIVEWAY

Kevin gets out of the car with “groceries” in hand and walks into the side garage door. He enters the darkened kitchen and stops…

INT: KEVIN’S KITCHEN: 3:40 A.M.

KEVIN
(Whispering) Ok…what now

PIZZA
Ok, I need you to grab that butcher’s knife over there…

KEVIN
(Loud Whisper) WHAT?

PIZZA
Do it Kevin…do it now…

Kevin grabs the knife and looks at it in the dim moonlight which is illuminating the room through the kitchen window.

PIZZA
Now, go into your parents room…

KEVIN
My parents? Why I…

PIZZAKEVIN! You will do as I say, when I say, or you will die do you hear me!?

KEVIN
Yes…

Kevin walks obediently with knife and pizza in hand down the hallway, towards his parent’s room

PIZZA
Kill them Kevin….

KEVIN
(Shouts) WHAT!?

PIZZA
You heard me Kevin…KILL THEM!

KEVIN
(tears streaming down his face) NO! I don’t WANT TO! Leave me alone!

PIZZA
Don’t you set me down Kevin, if you set me down, you’re dead

Kevin looks from the pizza to the knife to the door to the pizza to the knife to the door

DAD
(Muffled) Kevin? Is that you? What are you….

KEVIN
NO! I WON’T DO IT!!! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!

PIZZA
NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kevin throws the pizza to the floor. It starts to crawl towards Kevin. Kevin flips on the hallway light switch and lunges at the pizza. He takes the butcher’s knife to the box repeatedly. He screams with each thrust of the knife.

PIZZA
AAAAARGH!

Kevin’s dad opens the door and looks down horrified at what he sees.

DAD
Kevin what in the name of?

But Kevin doesn’t hear…he just keeps stabbing the pizza (which has ceased its screams)

INT: BASEMENT: 4:00 A.M.

Kevin sits back down at his computer and puts his headset back on. He moves his mouse so as to wake his computer back up.

KEVIN
You guys still online? Yeah? Cool what did I miss…yeah Wal-Mart…bought a pizza and some dew…no…no I threw it in the trash. It was evil…

Let the summer movie season BEGIN!

2010-04-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

"It all starts here..."

Summer movie season of 2010 begins in 2 weeks ladies and gentlemen. Last night I purchased my tickets to the midnight show of Iron Man 2, which looks freaking awesome. It's on the Mammoth screen at Thanksgiving Point. I have reserved seats...dead center...and I'm so so pumped for this epic film.

I love Marvel Comics, and every year they provide us with quality films about their characters. Last years "Wolverine" was incredibly cool. Iron Man rocked us the year before that, and the Hulk smashed us into submission later that summer. Next year's "Deadpool" is going to be hilarious and all sorts of violent... I love it.

I'm also looking forward to Robin Hood, Toy Story 3, The A-team, Predators, and The Expendables.

There is nothing better than the midnight show of a summer blockbuster premiere. My cell phone's phone book has been texted and all should be aware of the party to end all parties.

Sure, the next day I feel like I've been run over by a herd of camels, but that's ok. I dressed up as Wolverine for school last year when it came out. Maybe if I can get my hands on some cardboard, spray paint, and some tin foil, I could make myself into an Iron Man. I love education- JR

Life Lessons

2010-03-03T17:22:00.000-08:00

So I asked my students today and yesterday: What is one life lesson you've learned this year so far?

I got some interesting answers...

"Don't procrastinate" (most popular answer)

"I learned not to date a guy, and then date his best friend"
(common sense...)

"I learned that "max" in the front row can talk to ANY girl in the school except for "Jane Doe" (Student in front row goes beet red).

"I learned that it's a bad idea to put a rat in the microwave"... ...

Ok so on that last one we needed to hear the story. I first said, "you threw the microwave away right?"
"No, it was my friend's house, he just didn't tell his parents..."

NASTY! So here goes his story:

"My neighbors raise snakes and they feed them rats. We wanted to save one of the rats so they let us take it. We got bored, put it in the microwave and hit start. Suddenly the doorbell rang and we left the rat for a second. After the door gig was through we went to watch t.v. (we'd forgotten about the rat) and then we heard a "DING!" We ran back into the kitchen. Its tail had burnt off but it was still alive. It has a big growth on its face now."

Wow...Despite all my rage I am still just a rat set on high for 10 minutes?

Not sure how it lived, must have been an old ghetto microwave. I guess the point is, I'd rather die by snake than live by microwave. Am I right? Or am I right?

Thoughts and goings on

2010-02-18T17:56:00.001-08:00

So I've noticed that this blog sucks mightily. Or at least it has severely plummeted from where it began. So sorry, I've had a busy year.

This week has brought streses and blesses and ughs.

So do I give you a humurous observation about the whole thing?

Or do I rant and rave about my issues.

The answer, I believe, is to just make lite of life so that one doesn't become too mired in the UGGGGG.

What to laugh at...what to laugh at...

I KNOW!

Punishments, and Rewards.

Do you ever reward yourself with a punishment? Does that work? Is it possible? I mean how can a reward punish you? If I buy a tv then I've blessed myself with a tv. No punishment...it's all good.

So as I sit at my night job (which pushed back my presentation/lesson on Psycho to March instead of tomorrow) and think about my lame week, I need to justify a "cheer me up" purchase.

I always try to rationalize purchases. "I deserve this DVD because I...totally helped that kid ace his test" "I deserve Olive Garden because I've worked extra hours this week"

So tonight I'm going to rationalize my reward of punishment because my week SUCKED and I deserve something that will put a smile on my face (or at least for a while).

It's a stupid way to rationalize a purchase. I certainly haven't accomplished anything out of the ordinary this week. Sure I've worked some long hours, received compliments from parents of students at Parent Teacher Conference, and I cheered the Jazz and Aggies to victory, but that's all.

Point is, on the way home tonight...I'm stopping at Taco Bell. Charles Barkley has a new commercial where he shows off the $5 box of stuff that just looks grand.
1- Large Drink
2- Cinnamon Crisps
3- Taco
4- Burrito Supreme
5- Cheesy Gordita Crunch

The only thing it doesn't come with is Pepto Bismol (or the equally delicious cheap knock off: Pink Bysmuth)

So I'll feel rewarded for an hour tonight as I eat and digest my Bell-y goodness.

Tomorrow however.....KABOOOOOOOOM! My insides are crying out to me, "Why!!!! Why did you do this to us! If you wanted to spend $5 to hurt us why didn't you just go to Lowes and purchase five bucks worth of carpentry nails to swallow!"

I always regret eating at Taco Bell the next day, but it's great while it's going down. Why do I go back then? Cause i'm an optimist who tries to forget the bad things and only think back positively at the good memories.

Viva la life- out- JR

Oops, been a while

2010-01-20T16:31:00.000-08:00

So I haven't blogged in a while. Sorry about that. Not that I ever have anything to say of importance anyways. Today I'll tell you about this great website that I found. It lets you create your very own motivational posters! Here is the link to the web site, and here are some of the posters I've come up with so far. Love to all- JR

http://bighugelabs.com/motivator.php

Comedy of Biblical Proportions

2009-12-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

My brother showed me this video over the weekend. Freaking awesome- JR

A Song for a Son

2009-12-09T06:28:00.000-08:00

New song from the Pumpkins. It's free to download at their website. I love this song, it's beautiful in every sense of the word. Piano, 70's sounding guitar, perfection- JR

An old gem

2009-11-25T07:40:00.000-08:00

The things that make money now-a-days

2009-11-23T17:25:00.000-08:00

Wow, seriously...New Moon was incredibly terrible. It made Transformers 2 look like...well ok Transformers 2 still sucked big time. Mike Nelson said it best, "An inexplicable cultural phenomenon." Vampire love story with sparkles? I don't think so thank you. I took my wife to see the film on Friday night and couldn't help but notice how hard the rest of the theater laughed along with us on the crummiest of scenes. The dialogue was so cheesey that I almost had to pull ritz crackers out of my pants to absorb it all. The scene where they ran through the forest like Hansel and Gretel? I almost upchucked a bread trail from my seat to the bathroom. The only redeeming quality was when a wolf bit a Jamaican's head off, and when Jacob took his shirt off and all of the girls screamed with glee....and then moments later I chimed in with, "Oh YES! Jacob, take it off! I dig them Pecs! WOOOHOOOO!" This garnered quite a few chuckles. -10 points for having the head of the vampire council look exactly like the kid catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. BLECH!

Go Colts

2009-11-16T16:45:00.001-08:00

Go Colts...Seriously...that is all I can really say. Down by 17, you outscore your bitter BITTER rivals 21-3 in the 4th quarter. I'll be honest, I lost hope and went to McDonalds only to hear the radio tell me how close it was. I came speeding home to witness glory. Thanks Peyton, I've felt like a million bucks all day and have really learned a life lesson from you. Sieze all oppurtunities even when the world is kicking dirt in your face. Damrias Jariac- JR

Halloween...

2009-10-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

"And so, my tender lumplings, let my welcome hear you now
Into our flesh-pink home of hearts, we greet you with a bow
So entertain we must (We may!) our pleasure from within
The Oingo Boingo treasure chest of lust and mortal sin
We'll take you to a place you'd like to visit least of all
Where great-great aunts and uncles died and worms and spiders crawl
The graveyard is a peaceful place where people tread about
But late at night the tenants leave their rooms to sing and shout
So take heed, brothers, the full moon grows
And may the good Lord save your souls!"- Danny Elfman- Oingo Boingo

I love this Holiday. A chance to watch scary movies that aren't actually scary. A chance to dress like a fool...a ruse of fool...a chance to scream at the moon and terrify one another. Bless this most hallowed of eves...bless it. - out

80's ROCKED, This generation is LAME

2009-10-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

A friend and I were pondering 80's breakfast cereals during our break today...
What?
Serious?
Yes, it's true. We googled images of long forgotten breakfast cereals. We discussed classic 80's cartoons, and the fact that this generation has totally missed out on good stuff.

Let's use Cartoons as an example:

GI JOE
Transformers
He-man
Voltron
Thunder thunder thunder thunder cats HOOOOOOOO!
Ghostbusters
Eek the Cat
Bobby's World (don't ya know)
X-men
Batman
Tazmania
Loony Tunes
Duck Tales
Chip n Dale's rescue rangers.

I could go on and on with this list of incredibly cool cartoons.

What do we see when we turn the tv on now?
Pokemon
Yugio
and a bunch of other LAME Japanese wannabe shows where instead of defending Eternia or Thundera, people throw playing cards at each other with monsters on them....
seriously what the heck?
"Pikachu I choose you! to fight my battles because I'm too much of a wuss to jump into a Vultron vehicle and do it myself"

When I used to get cereal, there were PRIZES in the cereal. Magic Tricks. Baseball cards, action figures, cool spoons, etc. Now a days "If you collect 4 upc codes and mail them in with shipping costs, we'll send you a Hannah Montana dvd!!!"

LAME LAME LAME!

I say take me back to the day with Ninja Turtle Pies (remember, those hostess pies that had green Vanilla filling? eh? THAT WAS CLASSIC)

I hung a poster of Jacob next to Edward from twilight in my classroom today. I put up captions next to them saying, "Duck Season" "Wabbit Season" "Duck Season" "Wabbit Season"

My students didn't get the joke...How...sad...is that- out

Solved the Energy Crisis!

2009-10-05T18:10:00.000-07:00

So tonight my class and I were talking about how Oil is a limited resource and it supposedly hurts the environment. I keep hearing President Obama say, "wind power wind power wind power" but I don't think he realizes that my car doesn't have a sail like the Black Pearl. Mine runs on gasoline. Beautiful, Polar Bear Killing, Gasoline. We discussed how the fishing industry was as big as the present day oil industry. We lit our lanterns with oil from whales back in the day you know. This got us thinking- hmmmm milk from cows = renewable resource. Oil from ground = NOT renewable resouce. What if we could find a way to tap whales so that they produced oil from a tube in their heads that we could harness and yet at the same time, leave the whales alive to continue producing! GEEEEEENIUS!

Sure maybe when you grab the nozzle to fill up your car you hear a whale moaning sound, but hey! It's not going to run out any time soon right? I mean we eat burgers from McDonalds, we eat Chickens from KFC, we eat whatever the heck it is that Taco Bell uses too right? I'm going to start a campaign. This is going to get me straight to the White House. It's even better than my "Nuke the Moon" idea. Sometimes it hurts to be this smart ladies and gentlemen...sometimes.

Are we Human? Or are we Dancer?

2009-09-28T11:15:00.001-07:00

Had a good time at the killers show this last Saturday with my wife, and my cousin with his wife. They are a great live band. Dig the video if you'd like. Excellent show!

WTF?

2009-09-24T18:33:00.001-07:00

So these are the lyrics of the song the teachers taught their kids to sing in a 2nd grade class in New Jersey:

Song 1:
Mm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that all must lend a hand
To make this country strong again
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said we must be fair today
Equal work means equal pay
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that we must take a stand
To make sure everyone gets a chance
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said red, yellow, black or white
All are equal in his sight (this line taken from a song about Jesus)
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

Yes!
Mmm, mmm, mm
Barack Hussein Obama

Scary that this is being sung in a school. To be fair- here's my song

Mmm mmm mmm George W. Bush

Spent money like a Democrat
Made the terrorists go kersplat
mmm mmm mm George W. Bush

Screwed us with no child left behind
A coherant sentence I can't find
mmm mmm mm George W. Bush

His VP shot someone in the face
But made America a safer place
Mmm mmm mm George W. Bush

The last 4 presidents that we've had
At time have all been pretty bad
Mmm mmm mm Bush Clinton Bush Obama... ...Conan O'brien

Beauty?

2009-09-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

What is Beauty?
What makes one part of the country more beautiful than another?
What makes her better looking than her, or him better looking than him?
It's all perspective. It's all neutral now.

I'm half asleep typing this, but I'll try to make sense of it.

In Star Wars there is a light side of the force and a dark side of the force. But if you didn't know about the light side or the dark side then there would just be "force" right?

If you looked at beautiful portraits all day, then some kind of abstract painting would look "ugly" right? What if it's just different?

Take music for example. You have a vast variety of tunes yes? Some might think that Enya is beautiful, and it is, it evokes certain emotions of peace. What about a loud screaming rock song? Well that's "ugly" because it evokes sad or angry emotions. Well that's true, but is there beauty in the ability to think or feel differently? It's not necessarily the dark side of the force, it's just a different way of using the force, and if we keep that perspective then it doesn't bring me down. For every Da vinci there needs to be Van Gogh right?

I can listen to "make me happy" songs all day and be cheerful, but then something bad happens and I can't deal with it. If I listen to sad songs all day then I'm never happy and life is miserable. If I mix it up, explore the emotional ranges out there, then I'm better equipped to handle emotions when they really show up.

Make sense? No, not really.

Look I see students EVERY DAY who only listen to gangsta rap, or only listen to screaming metal songs, they never smile, they frown and they bring us all down. Mix it up you guys. For every Manson song there MUST be some Boston. For every Disturbed song there MUST be a fun 80's tune. Get the balance right.

Your Own...Personal...Justin

2009-09-01T12:00:00.001-07:00

So I love Music...Especially live music. Especially live music when it's one of my favorite bands. The other night I took my wife to Depeche Mode. Now the first time I took her to see this band it was when we were dating, not yet engaged even. I remember seeing U2 about a month after these guys, and as impressive as Bono was...these guys are still the ultimate shiznittle live in concert. Granted their light show (see above) can sometimes be a bit "inappropriate" but for the most part it was artsy and rad. (by inappropriate I mean they played their song "strange love" and...well...I averted my eyes from the "strange love" on the screen. Yeesh!)

The t-shirts were $40 so instead I just ordered a live recording of that night's show. How cool is that? I mean once a concert ends...it ends. But what if you have a real recording of it? I've tried to post some video (that I didn't take, I found it on Youtube from other posters)

Highlights of the night were:
1- Being with my sweet smoking hot wife and having a babysitter
2-Precious
3-Personal Jesus
4- Policy of Truth
5-I feel you
6-Shake the disease (on piano/vocal solo, so freaking beautiful...sniff)
7-WRONG!
8- Enjoy the Silence
9- Fly on the windscreen (basically everything off of black celebration was sweet)

Heck all of the songs were epic. Precious, Personal Jesus, and Policy of truth are 3 of my favorite songs from any band EVER anyways.

If you haven't heard any of those 3 songs, two of them are below, and precious is totally worth a download from Itunes. So many memories from that song: namely my wife and I dating back in the day. Love to all, Thanks for another epic show DM!- Out

Inglorious Football

2009-08-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I know what you’re thinking, “don’t apologize, we appreciated the vacation from your mindless ramblings and such.” School has begun and I’ve been pretty busy going to meetings, prepping, and as of last Thursday: teaching.

A few observations:
1. This year’s students seem to be pretty stable. I can only identify 2-3 who look like possible “shooters” as it were. Good kids mostly. I forget how much fun it is to be in front of the classroom sometimes. I really love my job.

2. I love the fall. Football season is upon us. I drafted my fantasy team just last night (and made many mistakes, I’m screwed.) I love the weather; I love the smell in the air. I love the cold nights with my window open. I love the food. “There’s fall food?” Yes there is; it’s called football food. Deli sandwiches, hot dogs, burgers, chips, dips, sodas, and all inhaled while I watch the game with friends, family, and the occasional pet.

3. Health care: bla bla bla left wing, bla bla bla right wing. Just fix it, don’t go broke doing it, and don’t screw with my plan. If I lose it I’ll be pissed. My son cost less than my Nintendo Wii did because I have excellent coverage. My co-worker got over $60,000 worth of work done on his back this summer…cost him $100. I know there are problems that need to be fixed. I support fixing them, but if I lose my coverage because the district I work for feels that a public option is better…

4. Inglorious Basterds. Yes that is the spelling on that second word. I’m about to teach my students a book called, “Night.” It is written by Elie Wiessel and is shocking, terrible, horrific, and beautiful. By the end of the book you want to kill the Nazis for what they did. This movie let me enjoy that fantasy. Quentin Tarantino directs this incredibly gory “Nazi killing fest.” When Brad Pitt’s character tells his brigade of 8 Jewish soldiers that he, “wants him some Nazi (pronounced Nat zee) scalps”, he gets them. And we get to watch the Nazi’s get scalped. My friend Dave and I went to see it together and were the only ones laughing our heads off in the whole theater during the last scene. SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT STOP READING IF YOU PLAN TO SEE IT: When the Basterds spring their trap in a French movie theater, and start gunning down all of the leaders of the 3rd Reich, including the fhurer himself (Hitler), I was nearly in tears with joy and laughter. Hitler gets shot and killed, and then a Jewish soldier trains his machine gun on Hitler’s lifeless body for a few great seconds of corpse desecration. The directing was genius, the violence was enjoyed (Jew on Nazi violence is approved), and good times were had.

Stay Strong, Rock on, I’m out- JR

Photo Shoot on the Salt Flats

2009-08-02T15:09:00.000-07:00

My good friend Lane and I took a few colorful characters out near Wendover to shoot pics. The gentleman dressed as Jack Sparrow was a professional impersonator of the character. In the middle of the shoot people started wandering out towards us (roughly 150 yds in the middle of the flats) to see if it was really "him." He was great, he would walk up to them in character and ask, "what the blazes they were doing out here in Davy Jones' Locker" and such stuff. Great times were had. Photo shoots like this are a one in a million experience...oh and you KNOW I dig the Jedi pic. Enjoy- JR

My good friend Lane and I took a few colorful characters out near Wendover to shoot pics. The gentleman dressed as Jack Sparrow was a professional impersonator of the character. In the middle of the shoot people started wandering out towards us (roughly 150 yds in the middle of the flats) to see if it was really "him." He was great, he would walk up to them in character and ask, "what the blazes they were doing out here in Davy Jones' Locker" and such stuff. Great times were had. Photo shoots like this are a one in a million experience...oh and you KNOW I dig the Jedi pic. Enjoy- JR

A BEAR ATE MY FREAKING CAMERA

2009-07-28T22:09:00.001-07:00

So I just got back from my yearly trek up to Yellowstone. I love it up there. The fishing, the forests, the animals...the animals. Let's face it, we all want to see the predators right? Oh a deer..who cares!? It can't eat anyone can it? So we look for the Wolves and the Bears and such. Well after watching multiple episodes of Monster Hunters on the history channel I found these cool cameras that you hook to a tree. They take pictures of whatever passes by them. Well I bought one and took it camping with us. I set the camera up about 5 1/2 feet up a tree roughly 15 minutes walk away from our camp. Here's what I got:

Isn't that lovely and family friendly? Deer running around and no hunters in site...well a couple of hours after these deer got their picture taken, our camera had a little visitor...

Why is the camera spinning?

A large black hairy arm seems to be batting at my camera...

From what we can tell, this is the nose of the beast....

His ear? His rear? Not sure what part this is (black shape at the right)

And the camera rests at the foot of the tree...

My new motion senson camera with a large tooth mark right through the motion sensor.

This experience was freaking awesome. Rock and Roll- Out

Ten Things I've Learned from Teaching High School Thus Far

2009-07-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

10. This generation doesn't know how to spell very well. Didn't = Dident and the other day Karl Malone = Karul Maloon.

9. This generation has a hard time communicating. Take away the texts, the IM's the Facebook and the Myspace and these kids would be helpless. If you want to control the population in the future just cut the power off. Nobody would talk, hence nobody would breed.

8. These kids have seen some messed up stuff. In reply to some of my journal prompts I find out that these kids have occasionally seen car accident and murder victims up close and personal.

7. This generation has a foul mouth. You'd blush if you heard half of the stuff I've heard in class. Someone needs to get some soap out and wash them good right in the mouth.

6. This generation has only read two book series: Harry Potter/Twilight. After that there is NO reading whatsoever unless I force them to read it in class. So their knowledge of literature is either kids at wizard school or sparkly glowy vampires. If you asked them what Moby Dick was they'd just start snickering at the title.

5. They can't live without I-pods. Seriously they run the headphone cord up through their shirt and have them dangling there by their chin. If they didn't have the tunes to throw on every time there is a lull, they would die of stress since they no longer have any idea how to hold real conversations (see number 9).

4. This generation lacks some pretty basic knowledge. Two days ago I had a 16 year old student ask me what state "Chicago" was in. I nearly collapsed from the shock. "Who's the Vice President?" ....silence... How about, "Can you drive to Alaska?" "No Mr. Reeves, it's an Island silly!" (Weeping in corner in fetal position) Is it possible that in order to register to vote you should need to be able to pass an IQ exam? Not genius level or anything, just a basic high school level equivelancy test. I don't want you voting if you think the first president was Lincoln or if you think that Hawaii isn't a state.

3. These kids are big fans of violence. My sophomores worship UFC fighting and they recreate these fights in their back yards on weekends. They thrive on Death Metal and have seen more R rated films than I have, and I'm 27. Seriously, when a kid starts saying he liked Saw IV better than Saw III and debates another student on the topic...we have issues.

2. I blame the lack of parenting. Parents please...PLEAAAAASE Don't SUCK! Do not buy your kid an X-box and give them games to play to keep em quiet. INTERACT WITH THEM! PLAY EDUCATIONAL GAMES WITH THEM! Why do my students text all the time? Parents bought them a phone. Why are they on their I-pods all day? Parents bought them an I-pod. They buy them cars, video games, whatever the kids want. My journal prompt tomorrow is going to be, "What do you deserve?" I'll leave it at that and see what they come up with. Given that a good portion of our nation thinks they deserve money from the government because...ummm I can't or won't work. I think they'll come up with some interesting answers. If your kid is a low level in school, is obsessed with violence because you bought them "300" or "Saw IV" For Christmas, thinks the world shold be given to them, then FIX IT! GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND FIX IT! The future is in their hands...and their hands are holding a video game controller.

1. Despite the negatives I've ranted about, there are some AWESOME kids coming out of my classes. I have a kid today who can draw Anime freehand like a pro. I have comissioned a portrait from him. I have students who listen attentively, they get the instructions right the first time cause they don't have headphones on their ears or their hands in their pockets trying to text sneakily so that I won't see. They work part time jobs after school and they keep their grades up so they can accell at life. They try very very hard to earn their A's while other students sit by and are happy with a C-, a D, and sometimes even an F. It saddens me that as soon as they enter the work force, my A students with their well deserved paychecks are going to be taxed more so that there can be benefits for my D students who couldn't get a decent job with a resume that says, "i beat Halo 3 on hard mode and i can play drums on Rockband" (notice the i's aren't capitalized...texting ruined that in this generation too)

The future is what we make it...John and Sarah Connor taught me that. "There is no fate but what we make" So let's get rid of the metaphorical Myles Dysons that are ruining our future and raise our kids in a world with no skynet. I'll be back... DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN.....DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN ......DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

Quick Thought, I'll do a more in depth blog about life later this week. SO SO BUSY!

2009-07-08T08:59:00.001-07:00

" People try to argue that government isn’t really force. You believe that? Try not paying your taxes. (This is only a thought experiment though -- suggesting someone not pay their taxes is probably a federal offense, and while I may be a nut, I’m not crazy.) When they come to get you for not paying your taxes, try not going to court. Guns will be drawn. Government is force.

It’s amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people yourself is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral self-righteous bullying laziness. People need to be fed, medicated, educated, clothed, and sheltered. If we’re compassionate, we’ll help them, but you get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right. There is great joy in helping people, but no joy in doing it at gunpoint. "- Penn Teller

Thriller is gone, Transformers 2 Review

2009-06-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was pretty interesting. We lost Michael Jackson, and that sucks. I know he was somewhat weird towards the end of his career, but the guy was never convicted of anything he was accused of, and I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He is the greatest entertainer to ever walk the planet. Would you rather see a Beatles concert or the Thriller tour? That's what I thought...

So today I rocked some classic MJ on the way to teach summer school at Lehi High School. I'm teaching my students how to utilize word choice in their writing. I showed them the Thriller music video (yes the whole thing...so freaking classic) and then had them write it as a story with interesting descriptions of what was happening. I didn't want: The zombies danced... I wanted: The living dead lurched forward in rhythm as their putrid corpses shed old skin and organs on the cold pavement.

It went over well and the students dug it. They are a totally different generation, I don't think they really got the coolness of the Thriller.

So I dedicate today to you Michael Jackson. Despite what the public says, you gave MILLIONS to charity, you entertained, and you had a rough life. God Bless you.

In other words, I sat through 2 hours and 45 minutes of Transformers 2 last night...my dreams of a great sequel were blown up in my face. Were the action scenes incredible? Yes, yes they were. But did those scenes make sitting through dogs humping, transformers humping, men in thongs, and terribly conceived plot twists and such? No

Will it look great on Blu ray? Yes, some parts will, but I left that theater with no desire for them to make a third one. I'm the black sheep I guess cause all of my family and friends thought the action was so great that it totally outshined the lame factor. I can't agree with that. Darth Maul was cool enough to out shine Jar Jar's ineptitude, but when a transformer goes at it on the fox girls' leg for 10 seconds, there is just no saving the movie. 1 star for great action. -5 stars for robot on human leg action- JR